How much has rational-thinking strategies worked for you?

Sacrament

Well-known member
#21
But if one is ugly how does that not reflect reality? It's reality and how you actually, i don't understand what you mean can you explain more please. I have the issue of looking ugly too unfortunately. I'm very self-concious and feel like i'm ugly, and i believe it reality.
I've seen tons of 'ugly' guys with attractive girls and vice-versa. At the end of the day, natural confidence is high up in the rankings when it comes to the main deciders. Being insecure, or having a low self-esteem, or being constantly terrified of everyone, are just not attractive.
 

lily

Well-known member
#22
Hah, Yeah I have this opinion too. However, objectively speaking, people with low self-esteem probably sees themselves as less attractive than the exact same looking person with high self esteem. Look is also very subjective, so as Lily said, you could be ugly for someone and handsome for someone else.

But I think what I was trying to say is, it doesn't matter. There is some things you can do to be better looking, like working out, taking care of your health, paying attention to how you dress, have a nice hair cut, etc., but ultimately you have the right to live your life just as much as anyone else.

So what I'm saying is, it's no use to try and convince yourself that you're good looking if you're not, but it's under your control not to let that stop you from getting where you want to go.
I like your post Pacific_Loner! And sorry i don't want ANYONE to feel bad or even more anxious as to what i posted earlier. i too have a little insecurities about aspects of the way i look. What i mean is that if you're not so-called good-looking, you can still be cute to your partner bc of your inside, shining from the inside-out!
 
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lily

Well-known member
#23
I've seen tons of 'ugly' guys with attractive girls and vice-versa. At the end of the day, natural confidence is high up in the rankings when it comes to the main deciders. Being insecure, or having a low self-esteem, or being constantly terrified of everyone, are just not attractive.
i don't know why ever since I've been on forums i've seen people keep on saying confidence for men, confidence, confidence, confidence. No, it's kindness! is that so hard? r people so cold?! :rolleyes: of course if you're constantly terrified though people r just going to turn elsewhere.
 

LoyalXenite

Well-known member
#25
I've seen tons of 'ugly' guys with attractive girls and vice-versa. At the end of the day, natural confidence is high up in the rankings when it comes to the main deciders. Being insecure, or having a low self-esteem, or being constantly terrified of everyone, are just not attractive.
I actually read an article once years ago that in Australia you're more likely to get a girl if you're funny, not based on your looks (I dont know what they used to determine this though :unsure: )
 

lily

Well-known member
#26
that's interesting.. For me it's kindness, next is kind of like relatability or how much you like their personality
 

Sacrament

Well-known member
#27
Well, obviously. If you're confident but you're rude to people, you're not gonna get anywhere. Being naturally confident means you like yourself enough not to project your insecurities onto other people and be rude to them.

I actually read an article once years ago that in Australia you're more likely to get a girl if you're funny, not based on your looks (I dont know what they used to determine this though :unsure: )
I can attest to this. Make a girl laugh, and you've got a significantly higher chance of getting lucky (in every sense of the word).
 

lily

Well-known member
#28
Well, obviously. If you're confident but you're rude to people, you're not gonna get anywhere. Being naturally confident means you like yourself enough not to project your insecurities onto other people and be rude to them.
i agree that you are not to be rude while being confident but i don't agree that you can't share your insecurities as if they don't exist.
 

lily

Well-known member
#29
oh i forgot to say that if you have anxiety then you'd probably not get a girlfriend who doesn't have anxiety unless you're not that anxious and you got along really well.
 
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Sacrament

Well-known member
#32
My girlfriend doesn't have social anxiety, and we get along very well. At the end of the day, it's a matter of sharing things and being willing to do certain things that you wouldn't do before (go to certain gatherings, birthday dinners, etc, which make me feel very anxious).
 

Moses199

Well-known member
#33
Alot of great responses here i appcreiate it guys!

One thing that i've been trying to figure out, is cbt and rational thinking the same thing? or is rational thinking a component in cbt
 

lily

Well-known member
#35
Alot of great responses here i appcreiate it guys!

One thing that i've been trying to figure out, is cbt and rational thinking the same thing? or is rational thinking a component in cbt
i would say that cbt composes of exposure therapy and negative affirmations replaced by positive ones.
 
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