How much do you understand your own behaviour?

[KiaKaha]

Just curious - I have been reading a lot about motivation and where it comes from... and I come to realize that I may not be entirely sure of where my beliefs and values derive from and how these may manifest themselves via my own behaviour.

I am not entirely sure that anyone truly understands themselves particualrly in respect to unconscious motivation - doing things that we know don't make sense but we do them anyway - for some reason.


Often I find others behaviour confusing and illogical - or I suspect that someone may not actually be being true to themselves and behaving in a way that I think may have an ulterior motive or agenda - yet to the person exhibiting that behavoiour it no doubt makes perfect sense.

I guess what I am asking is - if you honestly had to ask yourself, truly, do you really understand your own motivations and behaviour? Are you honest enough with yourself seek answers about what drives you? And what do you think about motivation in others and in yourself in general?

 

[BlueDays]

Yes, I understand my own behaviour, both where it comes from and what motivates it. It is a combination of my upbringing and learned habits being formed from past experinces.

However this is probably because I have had to spend a lot of time assessing myself over the years. If I did not have SA and depression I might have not had any motivation to assess my behaviour though. :thinking:

I often view other people's behaviour as suspicious and potentially self-serving. Although I believe this pattern in my thoughts is a fault on my part caused by past experiences.

 

[cowboyup]

Just curious - I have been reading a lot about motivation and where it comes from... and I come to realize that I may not be entirely sure of where my beliefs and values derive from and how these may manifest themselves via my own behaviour.

I am not entirely sure that anyone truly understands themselves particualrly in respect to unconscious motivation - doing things that we know don't make sense but we do them anyway - for some reason.


Often I find others behaviour confusing and illogical - or I suspect that someone may not actually be being true to themselves and behaving in a way that I think may have an ulterior motive or agenda - yet to the person exhibiting that behavoiour it no doubt makes perfect sense.

I guess what I am asking is - if you honestly had to ask yourself, truly, do you really understand your own motivations and behaviour? Are you honest enough with yourself seek answers about what drives you? And what do you think about motivation in others and in yourself in general?

Kia, this is a very good subject to address. I find others' behaviors confusing as well. Sometimes I try to, in my own special way, psycho-analyze them...it just frustrates me more, lol.

I've done stupid stuff in the past that questions me, what the he.ll was I thinking...that being said, I do know what motivates me, at least in part. My upbringing, learned behaviors, environmental factors. When something arises that I do not understand, google and books are my friend.

In others, I find their behavior at times leaving me scratching my head and wonder. Others are true to themselves at times and at other times, like all of us trying to either fit in or prove something to someone, NOT true to themselves. But some people do have ulterior motives and are selfish - we live in a selfish day and age. I am not saying it is everyone, but there are far too many people out there whose motives, behaviors are purely selfish. I think that is very unfortunate.

 

[Lea]

Often I find others behaviour confusing and illogical - or I suspect that someone may not actually be being true to themselves and behaving in a way that I think may have an ulterior motive or agenda - yet to the person exhibiting that behavoiour it no doubt makes perfect sense.

Any example? I find it very hard to imagine something..

 

[Ithior]

I spend a lot of time thinking about this. Usually in the shower, when coming home from university, when I'm doing research on this sort of field (used to happen more often, now I don't do it much because it looks like I already read everything available on this). I think I have a good understanding of my own behaviour, but I keep trying to go deeper and deeper until I find the root of my problems. Let's just say that I no longer think that an avoidant personality is the root of the problem, but rather a consequence of said problem (which I can't say I have found yet).
I also understand how the little things affect my mood and how my body reacts to some situations, which helps me avoiding certain problems or having a bad time outdoors.

As for motivations I'm still struggling to figure them out, as I don't seem to have any sort of ambition career wise. For now I can only say that what motivates me is the expectations others have of me. I will try to match them or surpass them. I still haven't figured out why I have this need to reach the expectations others have of me, but it's something I'm working on since it goes against some of my values.


When it comes to other people's behaviour, I don't find them illogical or irrational. I can always find a logical and rational reason for someone to behave in a specific way, even if that way is very different from the person's usual behaviour.

 

[coyote]

if i were to build a cabinet in my workshop filled with a myriad little drawers and compartments in which to fit all the things i might find in the world, would it make sense for me to build it - before i found anything to put in it - according to some arbitrary list of measurements out of a book, or from plans that i concocted myself?

what if i went out into the world to collect things to put in the cabinet and found they didn't fit?

how much effort should i put into making things fit? should i try to stuff everything i encounter into the little drawers i fashioned whether they fit or not?

wouldn't that be frustrating and futile?

wouldn't it be better to go out in the world first, find out what it has to offer, and then build the cabinet to fit those things?


i have found that life is much more interesting when i allow the world to amaze me

 

[Unspoken]

I understand my motivations pretty well, yeah. I figure if I'm going to be doing or not doing things I should have a good understanding of why to make sure I'm making choices I actually value and that are consistent with that.

The people I know also hold me to rationalizing my behavior as best I can, which has done a lot for me over the years.

People are primarily motivated by and like to believe what feels good and safe emotionally, and then by things like inherited values, personal principles, analysis of the best route, etc.

 

[bcsr]

if i were to build a cabinet in my workshop filled with a myriad little drawers and compartments in which to fit all the things i might find in the world, would it make sense for me to build it - before i found anything to put in it - according to some arbitrary list of measurements out of a book, or from plans that i concocted myself?

what if i went out into the world to collect things to put in the cabinet and found they didn't fit?

how much effort should i put into making things fit? should i try to stuff everything i encounter into the little drawers i fashioned whether they fit or not?

wouldn't that be frustrating and futile?

wouldn't it be better to go out in the world first, find out what it has to offer, and then build the cabinet to fit those things?


i have found that life is much more interesting when i allow the world to amaze me

Really good post. I love the analogy.

 

[KiaKaha]

I don't really understand the analogy to be honest - or really how it is related to the subject of motivation - it sounds a little dismissive. Perhaps I just need some clarification.

I think understanding our true motivations is paramount to understanding ourselves, although I think it is a subject that people don't like thinking about as it may make us realize something about ourselves that we do not like.

 

[gustavofring]

I've done a lot of reading/listening of Eckhart Tolle's works and I think he is spot on about human behavior.

Much of our ego-driven motivations stem from the feelings and thoughts of incompleteness and seperateness from others that every human has. "I need this or that in order to be happy" (knowledge, material posessions, money, status, social life), comparison and judgement of others and ourselves or "This moment is bad, I need to get to the next moment" instead of allowing things to be.

A lot of unhappiness stems from this, and it prevents a person from taking positive action because everything he does becomes strained or in some cases people rather avoid taking action. It's a "No" to life. This is not only the case with Social phobics but a large part of humanity.