I really have no clue if I have it or not. I already have negative thoughts since my childhood. My parents used to abuse and humiliate me when I was a kid. They yelled at me all the time. They always told me that I wasn't smart enough. I was slow. I was not like the others. My parents used to like other people's children a lot, but their own kids... aaargh! When I was at primary school, the teacher found out that I had problems with maths and my parents said that it was all my own fault, because to them I didn't work hard enough. They told me that I was lazy, but that was definately not true. They told me that I won't have a future if I'm not good at maths. When I was 9, my dad yelled at me almost every day. He told me several times that if I'm 16 and still can't learn like everyone else, then he will kick me out of the house. My parents only wanted me to focus on school. They actually seldom let me do the things that I've always wanted to do. Then another problem... when I was outside, I didn't know how to deal with racism. I was often harassed by other children, because I'm asian. The memories of childhood still freaks me out. I used to cry a lot when I was a school-child, because of all the anxiety and frustration. Often I do worry about everything in my life and my future. Sometimes when I feel so ****ed up, useless and scared... then I usually have suicidal thoughts, but depression was never diagnosed. So I think it's only social phobia.
