If you've read my other posts than you're aware I'm having difficulties with others as well as myself. The biggest of my problems is the loneliness, it's the one thing that effects me on a regular basis. With that in mind, obviously, I want a girlfriend. The problem. I don't know any girls that I'm remotely attracted to or interested in. So how exactly am I to go about approaching girls to expand my.. Well for lack of a better word, options? In person I barely hold up a decent conversation with people I haven't developed a decent comfort zone around, and even than I can only answer so much without feeling awkward. I can't exactly see myself just approaching someone and starting coversation, if I was to do that for real, I'd go into a panic and start to sweat and than have my mind take all the words I was prepared to say and mesh them into gibberish. Ideas?
How exactly do I go about approaching a girl?
- Thread starter Brandon94
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What I ment was I don't talk or associate with anyone I find attractive and or interesting. I have a lot of friends that are girls, but either, they're dating one of my guy friends, I'm not interested in them, or they're not interested in me. That's why I asked this question, I want to approach new people, people I find attractive, people who if they got to know me, might give me a chance.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Approaching attractive girls is difficult, because there's an extra piece of nervousness there. You want to make a good impression, you want her to like you, etc., so it's not easy to make all that happen. I personally find it too anxiety-riddled to approach such girls, but all you can do is be yourself, and if they don't like you, move on to another one. 99 rejections and an acceptance is still an acceptance. 
Now I only need to practice what I preach...!
Now I only need to practice what I preach...!
I'm completely aware of what you mean by anxiety ridden. The reason I'm trying is because I've been single for 5 years, I don't really comfide in anyone personally, and no one ever really makes me feel proud to be me. I argue with my family over my marks and my other family, my friends are to caught up in there own lives. I always end up looking back to my last relationship and how great I felt knowing no matter what someone would always worry about how I feel now. They wouldn't question me, they wouldn't doubt me.. They'd just.. Show me that despite all the confusion people do care about me, and make me proud to be who I am.. Not sit here and despise it.Approaching attractive girls is difficult, because there's an extra piece of nervousness there. You want to make a good impression, you want her to like you, etc., so it's not easy to make all that happen. I personally find it too anxiety-riddled to approach such girls, but all you can do is be yourself, and if they don't like you, move on to another one. 99 rejections and an acceptance is still an acceptance.
Now I only need to practice what I preach...!
MikeyC
Well-known member
Sounds like you need more friends as well as a girlfriend, mate. As it is, there's no set way to approach girls, and even if there was, I don't know what it is. Good luck, mate. I'm not too much help here. :
:Well, it's nice to here other people's thoughts, as well as vent my own. I do have a fair amount of friends, but I guess I just feel distant around them.. Some have tried to hear me out, but really when my problems consist of thing like feeling empty inside and incomplete, doubting who I am and questioning my own perspectives as my own, or as a need for attention, there's not much there going to be able to do.. Not to mention the void I always ramble on about craves intimacy just as much as realization, mind you that could be the teenage hormones talking.Sounds like you need more friends as well as a girlfriend, mate. As it is, there's no set way to approach girls, and even if there was, I don't know what it is. Good luck, mate. I'm not too much help here. :
MikeyC
Well-known member
Teenage hormones can be destructive forces, but if you feel there's a void and you can't fill it, maybe you're just going through depression and you need some professional help. Maybe that can help you identify and overcome your demons so you're in a better head-space for a girlfriend.
Thats what I've been wondering, I have borderline hypothyroidism, that could be a possible culprit. The health centre I've been going to keeps going back to my school marks and keeps wondering if I have a learning disability. I just want answers, most of all sanctity.
Hey how's it going? I haven't really read too many of the replies that people made and just throwing my advice into the mix. One of the ways you can help reduce the anxiety and shyness when talking to a girl is to get yourself a "wing man". What that really means is a close friend of yours who's by your side when you're talking to her so it's like having a group chat.
Another reason having a close friend by your side (preferably male) is that someone you trust and are already comfortable with is with you. It eases a lot of tension than doing it alone.
Mr.Prez
Well-known member
sounds like you need to have a group of people to hang out with. My suggestion is to join clubs and volunteer. As for the girl issue... well... the best thing to do is suck it up and approach the girl you're interested in. It's easier if you're in the same circle as her (once you start joining clubs and/or volunteering). It's better to try (and be a nervous wreck) than not try and regret not trying later
OceanMist
Well-known member
You have options, just remember that these options may cost money, as well as a girl will cost you even more money. Not saying that's a bad thing, just a warning.
It's all about getting yourself out there in some kind of way and talking to a woman. You can do this through work, social club, sport (kickball and softball are great for that), online dating, bars, or if you really have guts, you can try approaching women at all kinds of places like grocery stores, bookstores, libraries (I don't know if I'd have the courage for that).
What's tough for people like me is I don't hang out with my circle of friends anymore and I do believe the best way to meet a woman is through a friend of a friend.
I'm talking to a girl through online dating, well we had a first date at dunkin donuts, haha. So i don't know if it counts yet, or if it will continue. Even that took a ton of courage for me to show up, the most courage in my life. Idk, maybe it would be easier for you.
It's all about getting yourself out there in some kind of way and talking to a woman. You can do this through work, social club, sport (kickball and softball are great for that), online dating, bars, or if you really have guts, you can try approaching women at all kinds of places like grocery stores, bookstores, libraries (I don't know if I'd have the courage for that).
What's tough for people like me is I don't hang out with my circle of friends anymore and I do believe the best way to meet a woman is through a friend of a friend.
I'm talking to a girl through online dating, well we had a first date at dunkin donuts, haha. So i don't know if it counts yet, or if it will continue. Even that took a ton of courage for me to show up, the most courage in my life. Idk, maybe it would be easier for you.
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bleach
Banned
I find it easier when I downplay the importance of approaching a girl, by telling myself that "she won't be interested, she probably already has a boyfriend, I'm just being friendly". first I say these things because they are likely true and I want to think realistically. second because it takes some of the edge off so I can relax and actually say something without making a fool of myself. then if she actually does express interest after we start talking, it comes as a pleasant surprise.
1BlackSheep
Well-known member
Yes, hypothyroidism is definitely linked to depression. I was diagnosed as hypothyroid and the good news is that it's very treatable with inexpensive medication.
Aletheia
Well-known member
Sage advice.
I only wish I was able to live by it.
99 acceptances and a rejection and it's the rejection that haunts me all my days.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Yeah, I don't exactly practice what I preach, and I would have the same mindset. Although 99 acceptances is still pretty damn awesome.