How does one cope with ugliness?

[Rumplestiltskin]

Hi there.

It is said that SA is an irrational disorder, but I don't think it should be labelled as such in all cases. If you suffer from dismorphophobia or feel insecure about your looks and are, indeed, *ugly or phisically abnormal, there's no point in asking you to change your thoughts, since reality (i.e., mirrors, strangers staring at you, pictures, etc.) will always be there to catch you up once that irrational burst of self-esteem wears off.

So you're back to Earth.

You can barely go out since you know that anyone you pass on the street will notice and criticize your defects. You have a hard time getting a job since you're immediately discarded for anything that requires working in public. You're incapable of making friends since you're too self-conscious and can't act spontaneously in front of other people. Needless to say, you don't have a girlfriend. You can't have a girlfriend.

And so time passes by and your life remains the same.
__________

How does one deal with SA when your thoughts are not irrational? Yeah, of course anxiety is just a useless primitive mechanism and being ugly is not gonna kill you and you shouldn't be nervous at all since since you're not living any death-or-life situations and don't let anyone tell you how to feel and stuff. I know.

But seriously, who in the world doesn't care about other people's judgements?

 

[LoyalXenite]

I assume its just learning to accept the realities and not dwelling on them, im not sure that's something that's confused me a few times.

 

[Amitush123]

It's hard, I can't really accept my defects, every rejection hurts like it's the first, but..well, that's life

 

[Zav]

You just have to find and prioritize things in life that make you, you alone, happy.

 

[Dariushka]

I'm making myself fat like hell just to be accepted.. When I look at my best they criticise me too much and they put you to challenge.. That's the only way to vanish in crowd and be free.

 

[laure15]

All is not lost. There's still certain things you can do to improve your appearance besides plastic surgery. For example, getting a certain haircut that flatters your face shape and eyebrow trimmings can do wonders to your appearance. Think Princess Diaries; Mia went from hairy mess to beautiful woman through a glamorous makeover.

 

[PseudoLoneWolf]

Pscychopaths and some shizophrenic people do not care about other people's judgments.

If you want an attractive female you must have social status and for that you must have self confidence or power.

Otherwise, you can find a "not so good looking" girl who understands you or shares same values with you. Or suffers from the same problem with you.

Everything in life has a price. You can't have everything all at the same time. You might have to get used to surviving and enjoying your life alone.

 

[spearhunter]

just tell yourself you are beautiful a million times, and after a while you will believe it.

 

[Rumplestiltskin]

You just have to find and prioritize things in life that make you, you alone, happy.

You might have to get used to surviving and enjoying your life alone.

I don't mind being alone, but I can't bear criticism and people laughing at me. Hence, I can't go outside. I mean, I can, technically, but I start feeling uncomfortable from the very moment anyone might be looking at me (that is, criticizing me).

And, obviously, it's just impossible to be happy when you can't even leave your own house.

just tell yourself you are beautiful a million times, and after a while you will believe it.

Sorry, is this irony? :question:

 

[paintedblue]

Perhaps its time to stop caring what other people think.

 

[Esperance]

I bet that it dissapears with the time. With aren't with people or with just people who don't care about how you looks like well, friends from the same gender. But if you have a GirlFriend or something closer, well, you are going to think " I'm maybe not that ugly after all " and so, it will get better for you. I think this is the same for everything that relate to confidence, of you are alone or if nobody can tell you that you do a good job, you will not have confidence and it's not going to get better but if you someone tell you that you are good, I'm sure it gets better

 

[ForeverTheWeirdKid]

You calling me ugly?

 

[Zav]

I don't mind being alone, but I can't bear criticism and people laughing at me. Hence, I can't go outside. I mean, I can, technically, but I start feeling uncomfortable from the very moment anyone might be looking at me (that is, criticizing me).

And, obviously, it's just impossible to be happy when you can't even leave your own house.


Sorry, is this irony? :question:

You're just describing a typical symptom of what we go through with SA. We create this illogical fear in our minds, this idea that everyone is watching our every move, ready to poke fun at us whenever we make the slightest mistake. When you start thinking this you just gotta remind yourself how ridiculous it really is.

And if some jackass really is making fun of you - well, screw em. Why would you want to associate with those people anyway?

I know it's all easier said than done, but you just gotta be a honey badger about things. Rembmer that everybody has to deal with criticism in their lives.

Start going out doing simple things. Go to a coffee shop and read or something. Spend some time in an easygoing public sphere like that, and over time I'm sure you will overcome this fear to a large degree.

 

[jc972]

My ugliness is scars. I have lots of scars earned in the on duty being a fireman years ago and I'm cool with it. I EARNED my scars so I'm not ashamed one bit of them.

 

[mikebird]

I started extremely fat at a new school. I was given Prednisolone to fix my blood problems.

I was disrupted by my appearance AND told not to do sport, because doctors feared my susceptibility to leaking red and bruising from yellow to blue & black. I did. Rugby would have made me the person, and helped lose weight. 85kg was a lot from school to uni, with chubby, red cheeks. Today it's 72.3kg, with better toned muscles

I did become very close to fat girls, because I had a lot of sympathy. My endeavour to lose weight, after all those years lost not playing sports mean I owed something back to me. It's a very potent drive to push my limits in aerobic and anaerobic sessions which are so rewarding

Overdone make-up makes me vomit

It's recent that I worry primarily about my facial eczema that simply makes people walk the other way, for every aspect of life

I like to show off my long shark attack scar near the belly button... that was not a weight loss operation!

 

[fashionista]

I think there is beauty in everything, just being a living thing is beautiful. People can be real d-bags, but its not affecting them as much as you think it is, as in, they won't start vomiting if they look at you. I've never seen anyone who was truly horrified at the way someone looked, if they're looking at you they are probably thinking 'I like that shirt, I wonder where I can get one.' And not 'holy f you are gross.' Normally mean people are just projecting their own insecurities onto you, that's why they notice them in the first place. Like if someone doesn't like your nose and they comment on it, it's because they hate their own and seek it out on everyone they look at.

 

[Kiwong]

I enjoy things like running and botany, what I look like has no infuence of my enjoyment of these things. An answer might be to find things you enjoy that distract you from your thoughts.

Maybe social anxiety is being obsessed with thoughts irrational and not? I've found mindful meditation to slow my thoughts down and relax. I need to practise it more often.

Stop thinking is what I need to do.

 

[hidwell]

Have you tried avoiding mirrors? :idontknow:

 

[Barrier]

Perhaps its time to stop caring what other people think.

I'd love it if I could do that! But when no one ever has made a move at you or finds you attractive, you just fall into 'see, I AM ugly' trap. What else could it be?

 

[akala]

You don't have to deal with it if it doesn't exist. You just have to pretend that judging people by how they look doesn't matter and that (something you're good at) ________ is the most valuable trait a person can have. I know it sounds like it's pretend, but the other way probably requires lots of introspection and therapy.