How does one cope with ugliness?

[paintedblue]

I'd love it if I could do that! But when no one ever has made a move at you or finds you attractive, you just fall into 'see, I AM ugly' trap. What else could it be?

Well I see your point. Living in this culture its a bit hard. People have been since very young been told what to think by the media in regards to physical attractiveness. Other places on this planet have different standards like those cultures that find elongating their skulls attractive or placing rings around their necks to raise them, or binding their feet to make them extra small. My point is all these standards are relative. Ours is no different in that the 'standards' of beauty are set by the culture, and are not actually real.

So if you could somehow let it go, forget about what society defines as attractive, and just accept yourself as you are. And yes its tricky, but its the best way to tackle this.

It happened to me; as an impresionable teenager, I wanted to be like all those people on TV and magazines and made all sorts of crazy efforts to try to emulate them. Looking back its embarrassing what lengths I would go to do it, but later on i realized "what am I doing? I am spending way too much time and effort into trying to fit into this "standard" that I'm never going to achieve, what is the point?" I don't put nearly as much emphasis on my appearance as I used to, I still do care what other people think, and believe me I'm working on that.

I dream of a day when I no longer care what others think of me. That's the day I'll be completely free.

 

[SilentBird]

People are conditioned to feel ugly. The media bombards us with unrealistic images to live up to. You have to look perfect or else there is something wrong with you. It's fake and it's not beautiful.

 

[Hellhound]

I have two awesome friends and a loving mate who always make sure to let me know that I'm not what my mind tells me.

 

[LastCaress]

Acceptance

 

[wariomona]

Are you frowning? For me I know whenever I used to look at myself in the mirror I'd start frowning at my reflection. Forcing yourself to smile (or make funny faces) whenever you see yourself (and are alone) might help...? Or not - it helped me but I don't have dismorphophobia.

 

[planemo]

Acceptance

much easier said than done, unfortunately. i've been trying to come to terms with my looks for over 20 years. :sad:

 

[Rumplestiltskin]

Perhaps its time to stop caring what other people think.

I'm sorry, but I don't really think that's a feasible option.

Everyone cares about what the others think of him/herself. What makes the difference is how laughable you consider yourself to be.

Well I see your point. Living in this culture its a bit hard. People have been since very young been told what to think by the media in regards to physical attractiveness. Other places on this planet have different standards like those cultures that find elongating their skulls attractive or placing rings around their necks to raise them, or binding their feet to make them extra small. My point is all these standards are relative. Ours is no different in that the 'standards' of beauty are set by the culture, and are not actually real.

I'd say physical attractiveness is much more related to our genes and to some fixed parameters like golden ratio than it is to our culture.

I bet that it dissapears with the time. With aren't with people or with just people who don't care about how you looks like well, friends from the same gender. But if you have a GirlFriend or something closer, well, you are going to think " I'm maybe not that ugly after all " and so, it will get better for you. I think this is the same for everything that relate to confidence, of you are alone or if nobody can tell you that you do a good job, you will not have confidence and it's not going to get better but if you someone tell you that you are good, I'm sure it gets better

Yeah, worrying about one's appearance probably goes away once you get a boy/girlfriend.

But if you never do, not only does the fear not go away, but it actually becomes worse and worse in time.

Maybe social anxiety is being obsessed with thoughts irrational and not? I've found mindful meditation to slow my thoughts down and relax. I need to practise it more often.

Stop thinking is what I need to do.

I've tried taking up meditation over the last few weeks after having read some about it.

It's an interesting topic and a challenging practice, but I don't really see how someone can completely refrain form judging anything at all.

Have you tried avoiding mirrors? :idontknow:

I do avoid some mirrors, actually. For instance, I always get into elevators backwards. :sarcastic:

People are conditioned to feel ugly. The media bombards us with unrealistic images to live up to. You have to look perfect or else there is something wrong with you. It's fake and it's not beautiful.

Not being perfect isn't a problem, since most people are, anyway. But being abnormal or having notable physical flaws can mark your life.

 

[SilentBird]

Not being perfect isn't a problem, since most people are, anyway. But being abnormal or having notable physical flaws can mark your life.

I think I get what you are saying, that there is a range of attractiveness and what is outside that range is unattractive. I have features in myself that I define as the latter, eg. round shoulders, a hairy back, a weak chin, a huge adam's apple. I guess the challenge is to learn to accept your differences and be happy despite it, and to learn that you are still worthy of love and affection. Other people can.

 

[telepathine]

Yeah, worrying about one's appearance probably goes away once you get a boy/girlfriend.

eep. i wish i could say that happened to me.

 

[coyote]

I'd say physical attractiveness is much more related to our genes and to some fixed parameters like golden ratio than it is to our culture.

according to this online facial analysis tool derived from the golden ratio, i'm only a 7.58 out of 10 :sad:

 

[SilentBird]

^ with tools like these it's no wonder so many people feel bad about themselves.

 

[Kiwong]

I've tried taking up meditation over the last few weeks after having read some about it.

It's an interesting topic and a challenging practice, but I don't really see how someone can completely refrain form judging anything at all.

Hi rumplestiltskin, I think it is more about controlling or reducing unhelpful thoughts not eliminating them ,which I agree is not possible.