How do you work when you have to deal with people?

[Niceguy23]

I am fortunate to be on disability for what I have. But I dont want to be on it forever and would like to be able to have a real job and get paid serious money. I once had a very good job and was so happy i got hired but after just 4 days I had to quit I couldnt handle it with dealing with people, my depression and not being able to sleep I felt my body couldnt take it no more and mentally too. how do you handle it with working with people?

 

[tizzy]

For me, working with people is extremely difficult at times. They know I'm "different" and there are issues there (lots of stories I could tell you) but I get up every work day, get dressed and go to work.
Somedays I push pretty hard just to get up and get ready for work.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

I pretty much just do it. I feel depressed and anxious the entire time though :/

 

[vanillabear]

When I'm not busy I just try to disengage myself from my surroundings by staring intensely at the computer screen. People at the office don't seem to like me very much since I'm so quiet and weird..

I sit with my coworker all day in a shared cubicle so it sucks so awkward ... Sometimes I go a whole day without saying so much as 2 words to her ('morning, 'night), but I do try to talk with her even though she doesn't seem to like talking to me much. I keep the "I'm just there to work" mentality and somehow I make it through the day even though it's kind of miserable..

 

[sahxox]

I have spent the last 6 years thinking I'm a weirdo when everyone else comments on how 'quiet' I am, as I never utter a word too or even around them... then we all had to write anonymous notes as part of a morale boosting excercise, choosing who we want, and mine came back saying that people thought I was lovely and wanted to get to know me better!! Absolutely amazed, I thought everyone there hated me because I never talked to them and that I was a complete weirdo so goes to show that they actually respect the 'quiet' ones, as they aren't annoying... they probably have no idea you have social anxiety!! First you just gotta tell yourself that you are NOT weird and it's not your fault, and quite possibly, as I learnt totally unexpectantly, people actually like you even if you feel like you're totally ignoring them.

 

[MotherWolff]

I noticed that most of our social phobians on this site at least have worked before. MotherWolff has never worked a day in her life. I live off of SSI and I lack independence. Its a terrible position to be in. All because I feel like I can't work around people.

 

[TheQuietGirl86]

I feel the same way about working, ive never had a job but i really want one cuz who wants to live on benefits all their life. Not me
Its so freaking hard all the time!

 

[Unspoken]

It's worked for me in the past because I didn't have to have extended interactions with customers. We were doing business so they weren't interested in anything about me personally and I wasn't obligated to be social beyond helping them in the store. They don't really think about or remember you afterward in cases like that. You're just store scenery.

Coworkers I only talked to on breaks.

 

[dottie]

i experience extreme fear, anxiety, nervous ticks, awkwardness, humiliation in an uncomfortable environment, working under a loathsome c!@# of a supervisor.

i force myself to show up everyday.

winners do what losers won't do.

 

[vj288]

I guess first it would depend on the job, someone like a waitress or cashier has to deal with a lot more different people on a daily basis then say a night shift security guard or a janitor. I'm a dishwasher at a restaurant, and I guess my solution to dealing with people is just...not dealing with them. I was told by a manager the other day everyone was wondering who the "mystery man behind dish" was, as no really knows anything about me as I don't talk or interact with anyone much at all. It would be better for me if I tried to put myself out there a little and used the situation as exposure, but it's not needed. If you just do your own thing and get into a habit, it gets easier. I don't even think about talking to people at work, it would be a lot more stressful if I did.

 

[dottie]

If you just do your own thing and get into a habit, it gets easier.

this. it is especially difficult in the beginning because you are the new person and everyone is scoping you out. the alphas will test you. just stick to your routine and eventually they will get bored and leave you alone. then, you just show up, do your job, mingle with the friendlier people, and try to block out the jerks.

 

[coyote]

this. it is especially difficult in the beginning because you are the new person and everyone is scoping you out. the alphas will test you. just stick to your routine and eventually they will get bored and leave you alone. then, you just show up, do your job, mingle with the friendlier people, and try to block out the jerks.

my technique is just to become one of the alphas

 

[Koime]

I guess first it would depend on the job, someone like a waitress or cashier has to deal with a lot more different people on a daily basis then say a night shift security guard or a janitor. I'm a dishwasher at a restaurant, and I guess my solution to dealing with people is just...not dealing with them. I was told by a manager the other day everyone was wondering who the "mystery man behind dish" was, as no really knows anything about me as I don't talk or interact with anyone much at all. It would be better for me if I tried to put myself out there a little and used the situation as exposure, but it's not needed. If you just do your own thing and get into a habit, it gets easier. I don't even think about talking to people at work, it would be a lot more stressful if I did.

this. it is especially difficult in the beginning because you are the new person and everyone is scoping you out. the alphas will test you. just stick to your routine and eventually they will get bored and leave you alone. then, you just show up, do your job, mingle with the friendlier people, and try to block out the jerks.

Ah, man. I could be starting a job dishwashing soon, although it will probably be only two nights a week for now. I'm really worried and I hate to become this person because I feel like they will get rid of me because of it..
But it's so true that they try and then get bored. That's the way it always is at school for me, whenever i've been to new schools or anything like that. I hate that period though.. because I don't want to be hated but I want to be left alone, although if i'm left alone I just know everyone will become weirded out by me and if I'm not left alone well, I don't think I can do that Dx

I'm not sure how to go to work without talking to people because If everyone is trying to be friendly then it's hard to not try back, but then things still get awkward and they just kinda ignore you after a while.

 

[dottie]

my technique is just to become one of the alphas

yeah, that's even better. with time at my job i've become more assertive, around some people more than others... but i can't say i'm quite alpha. how did you do this in the face of social phobia? do you ever struggle with eye contact or voice? i still struggle with the fight or flight thing (not gonna lie), that is why i usually stay at my desk. :/

 

[vj288]

I'm not sure how to go to work without talking to people because If everyone is trying to be friendly then it's hard to not try back, but then things still get awkward and they just kinda ignore you after a while.

An art you have not mastered yet...and hopefully never will. :: I think it probably comes off extremely weird and awkward, and probably a bit rude, when I don't really answer people with words when they say things to me. I am so soft spoken though, even when I do say something people rarely hear what I say so it's as if I never said anything at all, and by now I am just used to it.

 

[Koime]

An art you have not mastered yet...and hopefully never will. :: I think it probably comes off extremely weird and awkward, and probably a bit rude, when I don't really answer people with words when they say things to me. I am so soft spoken though, even when I do say something people rarely hear what I say so it's as if I never said anything at all, and by now I am just used to it.

I'm like that too D: very soft spoken. I will try to respond because I don't want to feel stupid but a lot of times I go unheard or get run over. I have ignored people before and I do some days just because it's easier to avoid the possibility of feeling dumb.

 

[coyote]

how did you do this in the face of social phobia? do you ever struggle with eye contact or voice?

first - i try to choose an environment in which i feel comfortable - not all organizations are the same. i doubt i could work for very long at a place in which i constantly felt intimidated by my co-workers/colleagues. instead, i'd rather work somewhere where i felt comfortable being assertive. i've been fortunate enough to find jobs like that most of the time (the other times really took a toll on me).

secondly - most of my adult life, i've been in management or held positions of authority. the character i perform in the role of each day comes with the job title.

third - it takes alot of energy to be "on" all day in front of employees, co-workers, supervisors, customers, and the public. so depending on how much fun the job is or how stressful it is, i need more or less "down-time" when i'm off work to recharge. i will admit that there have been many times that i did little with my life other than work and recover from the workday.

4th - the hardest part is interacting with the boss. so while i may appear to be confident in my day-to-day dealings with everyone else, i'm still nervous about what my boss thinks of my performance - this is where i have the most problems with voice and eye contact and communication in general (my natural tendency is to avoid, which usually only works for so long).

 

[dottie]

i appreciate your direct honesty, coyote. maybe that is the key... finding a workplace where you click with the others and respect the organization. :/

my supervisor gave me an accurate first impression of her c*** personality during my interview but i had to take this job out of desperation for work. it's been my goal to ride it out for at least two years since i've temped so much in my past.

 

[aNOTfox]

Everyone finds starting a new job scary to some extent (obviously we with social anxiety feel more scared and so take longer to adapt). You should try to give yourself a week or two to settle in, then if you still feel overwhelmed try to look for something else. Also, it may be worth speaking to you boss about your fears of working with others as there may be systems in place to support you.

 

[Fighter86]

Much of my anxiety is centered around peers my age. As long as I don't work around them it is not too bad.