How do you deal with jealous, tiger-mentality friends?

Diend

Diend

Well-known member
My best friend is ultra-competitive academically/career-wise. He is my mentor socially and academically. He's the reason I have friends in college. I am shy. He dragged me out of a motivational slump and made me more productive and outgoing. I thank him so much for that. He is also a very close friend who's taken the lead to introduce me to various fun places and eclectic knowledge. He's a modern Renaissance man who's geeky and suave. The one point I dislike about him is that he will put you down if you get an edge over him. When something good happens to you, he will suddenly grow quiet and I've caught him subtly trying to make me do something that'll waste my time. I understand his actions, but it creates some tension.

I asked him how far he would go to undermine somebody and he said "I'd do it in a way that he wouldn't even know he was being undermined". It sent chills throughout my body. I am afraid that he will one day get so jealous that he will take underhanded actions to undermine me. So what i've been doing is not telling him all my "successes". I try to reciprocate by helping him out with careers too.
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
GraybeardGhost said:
I had mice in my room in college—the tiny, super cute kind with the big ears. I could hear them rustling around at night, getting into things. I borrowed a small live trap from the biology department and baited it with Cheetos. Mice LOVE Cheetos. I caught thirteen mice that semester and let them go in the woods.
Click to expand...

works for rats, too!
 
dottie

dottie

Well-known member
diend, this guy is a raging narcissist. please research narcissists. they are toxic. they will turn on you in a heartbeat and not flinch. no remorse. he is using you.
 
U

user deleted

Guest
dottie said:
diend, this guy is a raging narcissist. please research narcissists. they are toxic. they will turn on you in a heartbeat and not flinch. no remorse. he is using you.
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Agree. Hallmark symptoms of a narcissist. Please be careful.
 
gustavofring

gustavofring

Well-known member
Is narcissism really a bad thing though?

I'd say current society narcissists thrive enormously well and it is in fact encouraged to be overly self confident. Especially amongst college people. Generation Y.

I think your friend is talented and outgoing and can help you push yourself further to improve. But do take him with a grain of salt sometimes, especially his jaleous and competitive sides. That sort of mindset can spiral out of control.
 
Falkor

Falkor

1
Hmm, I think every individual unique, and wether he or you has a gift, you should go along with your own gift.

He should be happy for you instead. ^_^

But uhm, yeah, even tho jealousy is a normal emotion, don't let him go to far, then back off and do your thing and be a little distant so he will realise that he can't use you for those things, just distance when he acts like that, just be yourself and don't let him waste that okay ^_^
 
U

user deleted

Guest
As Remus said, if you're on the other side of a narcissistic personality, it's extremely unpleasant.

People that have NPD are also not necessarily happy from what I've read and experienced. I know this is just anecdotal evidence, but the narcissists I've met tend to be suffering to some degree.

My ex-partner has NPD. It causes them a great deal of depression, and exhaustion. Trying to convince the world you are someone you aren't must be tiring. Not only that, it led to frequent identity crises, frequent changes in style, interests, obsessions. My ex-NPD was in a way very lonely. They used people as a way to circumvent loneliness. Even being with people, they couldn't escape that feeling, because they were never themselves, they had no identity of their own. It's all fakery.

Aside from personal relationships, narcissism could definitely further your career I guess. The people I've known with NPD have been very successful in that domain, and I guess it stands to reason that it's easier to further yourself when you don't care if you step on others, and you can convince yourself that you're better than everyone else.
 
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