How do you deal with being called the same names over and over again

lifesnotfair

Well-known member
#1
All throughout my life, I have been called, creepy, a reject, a loser, scary looking, ugly, among other things. I have been called so many names and other adjectives that I have begun to actually believe it, and therefore turning into those things that people have called me. Its been almost hard coded into me. And i am worried that some more specific descriptions may be who i might turn into because of all the past abuse.

I am doing my best not to believe what was said, but when you are called ugly and a loser, and a creep, and other descriptive wording, you have to wonder if its too late. I don't know what to do, because talking to counsellors, psychiatrists, doctors, etc.. haven;t been able to help me with this.
 

lily

Well-known member
#2
All throughout my life, I have been called, creepy, a reject, a loser, scary looking, ugly, among other things. I have been called so many names and other adjectives that I have begun to actually believe it, and therefore turning into those things that people have called me. Its been almost hard coded into me. And i am worried that some more specific descriptions may be who i might turn into because of all the past abuse.

I am doing my best not to believe what was said, but when you are called ugly and a loser, and a creep, and other descriptive wording, you have to wonder if its too late. I don't know what to do, because talking to counsellors, psychiatrists, doctors, etc.. haven;t been able to help me with this.
what were they calling you a creep for?
 
#3
I get like that if I go too long without socializing.

I don't have any confidence or a solid idea of who I am, so without affirmation that I'm a worthwhile person I tend to get sucked into a self-doubting spiral where I question everything about myself. All the negative things start to bubble-up from the cellar and before long I'm convinced that I'm just a lowlife.

I have a friend from high school I hang out with every three months or so, and a cousin whose house I visit a couple of times a week, so that helps to keep me on track.

Are you able to hang out with anyone or have anywhere you can go where you feel comfortable socializing?

If not, maybe you should talk to your therapist about this.
 
#4
I would try to own and redefine the words. You get to decide who you are, not the rest of the world. You're a creep? Fine, so is Radiohead and they are pretty awesome. A loser? Well, let me direct you to another awesome person in Beck. And when it comes to rejects there is a whole band full of All-American ones who are also pretty awesome.

If you associate the words with things that are good, then it is those things you will think of when you are called them, and it is them you will become.
 

LoyalXenite

Well-known member
#5
I would try to own and redefine the words. You get to decide who you are, not the rest of the world. You're a creep? Fine, so is Radiohead and they are pretty awesome. A loser? Well, let me direct you to another awesome person in Beck. And when it comes to rejects there is a whole band full of All-American ones who are also pretty awesome.

If you associate the words with things that are good, then it is those things you will think of when you are called them, and it is them you will become.
I love this. Its actually something I've been trying to do with varied results because its not easy to get my mind to cooperate with me :giggle:
 

lifesnotfair

Well-known member
#7
I get like that if I go too long without socializing.

I don't have any confidence or a solid idea of who I am, so without affirmation that I'm a worthwhile person I tend to get sucked into a self-doubting spiral where I question everything about myself. All the negative things start to bubble-up from the cellar and before long I'm convinced that I'm just a lowlife.

I have a friend from high school I hang out with every three months or so, and a cousin whose house I visit a couple of times a week, so that helps to keep me on track.

Are you able to hang out with anyone or have anywhere you can go where you feel comfortable socializing?

If not, maybe you should talk to your therapist about this.
I have been dealing with therapists for 20 years.. Nothing has helped greatly.
 
#9
People usually build their self esteem as a child and that's what give them the confidence to navigate through life as an adult. When you grow up thinking you are worthless, you don't build that self esteem as a child, and your biggest challenge will be to build it as an adult, which is more difficult because you have to deconstruct the mess that has been done in your head and then construct something better on the ruins that will be solid enough so that the ruins underneath don't come back to haunt you. But yes it's possible.
 
#11
I got that in both middle school and high school, it was really bothersome and embarrassing to be called a name I didn't like, especially around people I wanted to earn respect from, because it would discredit you.

My policy has always been the same when it comes to bullies and people who are trying to bring you down in school, it involves my leg and their genitals, it usually is the best thing to do, because you're not stooping to their level (which, for that matter would be even lower after them being kicked there)
 

lily

Well-known member
#12
there was this girl in gr. 9 (it was end of gr. 8 to in gr. 9 when i had this) when i had a bad-hair cut and the barber scraped my hair that it looked damaged and my sister called my hair beatles hair after it was over with, lol it was not funny when it's on you at the time and that girl who I've known since gr. 7 said 'you look like a nerd!' she wasn't a very nice girl but when i look at my hair otherwise and in the post your picture thread it's shiny, the sun is shining on it.
 
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#13
I understand how you feel. I've felt alone and rejected (real or perceived I think it matters not) for great parts of my life.
A great deal of my inner strength comes from mostly being able to deal with not needing people like those who bully you. Even more, I know I'm a million times stronger mentally than those people.

Most people aren't bullies of course but no matter where you go in life you'll always find a few like that.
My advice is to cut them out of your life altogether.
 
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