Feeling attacked from within and without. Possibly more within than without. The "without" being extreme, ongoing environmental noises - the perfect form of torture for me, as my "system" cannot allow a physical escape. Also insects & rodents - i am "not keeping up" with chores at moment, so they get the better of me. And the "within" is my worsening depression; am basically in depression now.
So the question is, what am i going to do about it?. Good question, and i don't as yet yet have a clear answer. But i have been trying my best to "start afresh" with my life. However it does seem an impossible task - i think i'm screwed for life really. I don't think it is possible now, to "restart" my life. I will keep struggling on each day for now, just try to survive it, but the days are getting harder & grimmer. At this rate (& in this state) i think it's only a matter of time now before i start seriously considering "extreme action".
Just read a Reader's Digest story in the bog half hour ago, about divers stranded at sea, who manged to make it to an island. At one point they were confronted by a Komodo Dragon. Apparently if you get bitten by one of them, then if they didn't manage to kill you with the attack, the bacteria in their saliva would, about 4 hours later. That to me is kind of a "fantasy" way to leave this world - way out of civilization, amidst pure, wild nature, dying a "natural" death. Another good way is being stung by a manta ray, like Steve Irwine. I'm finding thinking about all this stuff in fact quite "inspiring", it's making me feel more hopeful that i am NOT stuck eternally in this hell-hole of a life. I might now google about all the deadly animals (& insects) out there. Something to do...