How are you feeling?

[Amiyumi]

I'm feeling very lonely. My b-day is tomorrow, and i have nothing special going on...it's like if nobody cares.

know how you feel... I dread my b-day every year, i turned 24 in feb. I used to see it as a day that forces me to look at my life try and make a positive choice on how you see it, it's kinda like a new years resolution for me now, to do better. try an make it special for youself, treat yourself sumhow, like watch a movie, fav food, long hot bath.

Sorry if that sounds sad, thats what i do sigh...
Just don't let it get you down is what im tryin to say, hope its a good day for you all the same.

Right now, im feelin lost.

and after i post this, really self-concious.

 

[Amiyumi]

Thanks for the reassurance roxy, i know it'll fade with practice.

I'm feeling secure now, last night i was a nervous wreck, all i did was cry.
But ive made so much progress latley so i need to keep going, i can't put my happiness in the hands of others. Im supprised how quick im recoverin, but if i don't i wont go out on fri, and weeks indoors'll turn into months.

And happy birthday pookie! hope it was good

 

[Pitrus]

DAmn i feel relieved right now couse i had a bad ass hangover today.
Man that shit really wore me off today. Beside that my life is a hell and i feel like commiting a suicide every day of the week except of saturday becouse on saturday i get drunk i pick up random fights with loosers from the club..

 

[pookie]

Thanx guys!! My b-day was good. Cake was great and so were the presents. i guess that all that matters is that the people that matter were there for me(no matter if they were just a few).

I'm feeling much better now.

 

[Amiyumi]

Yeah, i know what you mean. So long as you have them. I tryed to forget my b-day, every year. Id tell my family nt to get me any cards, that it's just another day for me, but it does cheer you up when they do.

...they know id never forgive them if they threw a suprise party or anything tho, too much attention, just a few friends and family are all i'll ever need.


I can't say how i feel right now, my moods constantly changing from anxious to happy and confident. I think im just focusing on too many things.

 

[maggie]

i dont know who i am

hey cutefluffy..((((hugs))))..least you fixed your own computer..that's pretty cool 8)

 

[Starry]

Tired, fed-up, miserable. Worthless, pointless, hopeless. Stupid, paranoid, pathetic!

Wishing I was someone else. Someone more worthy of friendship and love. Someone who knows herself better. Someone that isn't so over-sensitive. Someone that's not me!

 

[Pitrus]

By saying u dont know who u are do u mean like splitpersonality or just u cant find yourself in this world.

COuse i have a problem couse i cant find myself im in a very bad situation and have no idea what to do or what to say. I feel like a have a double personality since sometimes i have a very hard time talking to a person at the register and the other day im the center of attention.
Is this a Split personality or is that just chemical inbalance on other days.
I also act diferently on some days then on others.

 

[Amiyumi]

Tired, fed-up, miserable. Worthless, pointless, hopeless. Stupid, paranoid, pathetic!

Wishing I was someone else. Someone more worthy of friendship and love. Someone who knows herself better. Someone that isn't so over-sensitive. Someone that's not me!

I feel like that most days too, but it starts to fade. When i was isolated i didn't have any self worth, you just wanna crawl into a corner and hide and hope the ground opens up to swallow you.

Hope it passes soon.

Try and love yourself more, whenever i got advice like that... ugh, its easier said than done. Do things to boost your self esteem. I like to set aside a day for myself to take a long bath and pamper myself. Style your hair, try wearing make up, ah, i don't know how but make a list of special things for yourself, be selfish for a day :lol:

And starry you're defenetly not stupid, ive never heard you say anything stupid and im sure no one else thinks so. So far i see you as talented (i read sum of your poems, i love the ugly one), understanding and a bit insecure, and you'll improve on that.

With your friends, try and work on anything you'd like to improve. If you get upset and clingy and feel worthless like that, thats defenetly caused by low self esteem, im still like that a bit, but tackling how you feel, your self worth is the quickest way to cure that as you'll see yourself as someone worth loving and worth knowing. Trust me on that, im finally recovering by working on it.

 

[Emma]

Very very strange....feel like I'm having heart attack.....it really hurts and it's hard to breathe....but other than that, better than I was a few days ago

 

[Starry]

Tired, fed-up, miserable. Worthless, pointless, hopeless. Stupid, paranoid, pathetic!

Wishing I was someone else. Someone more worthy of friendship and love. Someone who knows herself better. Someone that isn't so over-sensitive. Someone that's not me!

I feel like that most days too, but it starts to fade. When i was isolated i didn't have any self worth, you just wanna crawl into a corner and hide and hope the ground opens up to swallow you.

Hope it passes soon.

Try and love yourself more, whenever i got advice like that... ugh, its easier said than done. Do things to boost your self esteem. I like to set aside a day for myself to take a long bath and pamper myself. Style your hair, try wearing make up, ah, i don't know how but make a list of special things for yourself, be selfish for a day :lol:

And starry you're defenetly not stupid, ive never heard you say anything stupid and im sure no one else thinks so. So far i see you as talented (i read sum of your poems, i love the ugly one), understanding and a bit insecure, and you'll improve on that.

With your friends, try and work on anything you'd like to improve. If you get upset and clingy and feel worthless like that, thats defenetly caused by low self esteem, im still like that a bit, but tackling how you feel, your self worth is the quickest way to cure that as you'll see yourself as someone worth loving and worth knowing. Trust me on that, im finally recovering by working on it.

Sorry you feel like that too.

Thanks for that. I'm feeling much better now. Most of that was caused by having a debate with a very good online friend. I hate disagreeing with people I care about, it always results in me feeling the way I felt when I wrote my other post.

Thank you for the nice things you've said too.

I do have low self-esteem and I am very insecure and clingy. I don't even know how to go about tackling the clinginess, and as for self-esteem; Well, if I say anything good about myself, I always feel the need to take it back or to counter it with something negative, in case it sounds egotistical or something. I can't allow myself to say nice things about myself, because I feel unworthy of that. So I don't know how to improve self-esteem either, since the things you mentioned with pampering being selfish for a day etc really don't work for me at all lol.

I think I need to change my core beliefs about myself, but that's not easy to do...

Thanks for the reply.

 

[Amiyumi]

By saying u dont know who u are do u mean like splitpersonality or just u cant find yourself in this world.

COuse i have a problem couse i cant find myself im in a very bad situation and have no idea what to do or what to say. I feel like a have a double personality since sometimes i have a very hard time talking to a person at the register and the other day im the center of attention.
Is this a Split personality or is that just chemical inbalance on other days.
I also act diferently on some days then on others.

Split personalitys are diffrent from sa. I know what you mean Pitrus, I kind of lead a double life between home and college/school. It's because I couldn't relax and be myself, I sounded and acted diffrent.
And I couldn't relate to anyone around me.

Right now I'm felling guilty, I cancelled my dentist appointment, I just couldn't do it. He's really understanding though, he said he has a few patients with agoraphobia. It was like what cutefluffy kitten said about being in a bubble, I couldn't leave it. That's 3 weeks in now, so outside is starting to feel surreal again.

I feel like I should'nt bother saying, but I have to, I contradicted my firmly standing opinion. (I wasn't thinking...) when I said try wearing make up, I wasn't implying that people should rely on that to feel good or that they need it. I don't cause I missed out on all that, so I honestly don't know how to relate to other girls, but it sounded stereotypical...
Sorry if i caused any offence.


I feel better already for getting that off my chest.

 

[Amiyumi]

I get that too. I don't feel like I have the right to say anything good about myself, or people'll get that impresion of me.

Glad you're feeling better.

With debates, it sounds like you keep to your opinion which is good. Just remember that listening to someones opinion dosen't mean you have to adopt their ideas. Try and accept what they are saying, it's about listening to how they feel - people like to express themselves and it helps you understand a new point of veiw (im not saying you're narrow minded - sorry, I get self consious about how people will read that). And in return, they have to do the same. When i used to express opinions, I used to try and change their point of veiw, take it down and prove them wrong. Challenging someones beliefs brings conflict, people are naturally defensive to it. Learn and understand from whatever they have to say. It's good if you see conflict comming if you want to avoid it.

Sorry the pampering thing wasn't that helpful, it only works for me when I'm in the mood to, which isn't very often. :roll:

Helping others is another way to help self esteem too, and achievements...

I'll try an think of some more later.

 

[Starry]

I get that too. I don't feel like I have the right to say anything good about myself, or people'll get that impresion of me.

Glad you're feeling better.

With debates, it sounds like you keep to your opinion which is good. Just remember that listening to someones opinion dosen't mean you have to adopt their ideas. Try and accept what they are saying, it's about listening to how they feel - people like to express themselves and it helps you understand a new point of veiw (im not saying you're narrow minded - sorry, I get self consious about how people will read that). And in return, they have to do the same. When i used to express opinions, I used to try and change their point of veiw, take it down and prove them wrong. Challenging someones beliefs brings conflict, people are naturally defensive to it. Learn and understand from whatever they have to say. It's good if you see conflict comming if you want to avoid it.

Sorry the pampering thing wasn't that helpful, it only works for me when I'm in the mood to, which isn't very often. :roll:

Helping others is another way to help self esteem too, and achievements...

I'll try an think of some more later.

I normally avoid debates, but with this one person, I normally feel comfortable enough to go into them a little. In fact I've even had a couple of debates that I actually enjoyed lol. I do stick to my point of view, though, I do always see the others person's view too. I'm lucky like that, I can usually see both sides of an argument, regardless of what I agree with. Enough so, that I could quite easily argue the opposing view if i had to lol. I can always see sense behind arguments too. Even if the actual argument is non-sensical... (I know that makes no sense, but I know what I mean)

I wouldn't have felt bad, had it not been that I felt they were challenging core beliefs of mine, which I will not let go of, because I think they're important. But at the same time I'm scared of being viewed as stupid because of them... Anyway, we still get along very well, despite the debate, and they still care about me. So that's okay lol.

Yes, I find I feel better about myself and more positive when I help others, I just don't think I'm particularly helpful though...

I tend to downplay achievements though. I just end up saying "it's nothing I shouldn't have been able to achieve anyway, so what's the big deal?" lol. I'm very self defeating lol.

Thank you for taking the time to post a reply for me.

 

[thequietone]

Feeling better than before.
I realize now that I was being super super avoidant by convincing myself I must be a loner naturally and don't need people to make me happy. We are, in fact, social animals. Being by yourself is easier, true, but is it happier? Truly? :? no. I want to feel the way I see other people. I'm tired of pretending that I'm a different species. I want to join the world!! :roll: of course I'm terrified...but here's my new motto: This is my life, so this is my battle. This is what I got, and I can't change it, except to make it the best life I can. and that means not giving up.

I've started giving myself "points" for every time I speak up, ask a question, or initiate/ continue a conversation at school and work, be that with a professor or a student. Yesterday was a 7 point day. If anyone thinks this method can help them, please try it out! I mark the points on my calendar and track my progress.
It feels good to be back on the horse again.

 

[Amiyumi]

Quiet one, that's a v-good idea, I think I'll use it to, I could reward myself each time I reach a certian number of points, cause I need more motivation than just knowing lol. ...can I steal your motto to? :lol:


I think this is my last post, I don't really count them... :?

Starry, I wasn't sure if you were into debates when you said that, it's great u can see both sides, I'm glad I can do that now.
I think the self defeating thing'll pass eventually, I used to do it to.

I feel like I'm standing still. I got so far, and was going out once or twice a week but I just stopped, and I'm afraid I'll be taking steps back soon.
So obviously my first step is not spending all day online,
but it's been nice being able to say how I live and hiding away and no ones been shocked by that and knows how it feels. And thanks for all the support you've all given me, it's meant alot.

...the post I made about religion, I kinda regret that. I worry how people will take it, it's always a touchy subject. I was trying to draw the emphasis away from specific religions to the benifits it brings people and how you don't have to be religious to do that. So please don't tear me apart over it, if it came out wrong.

I'm just apologizing now, incase I can't later...

I'm starving right now actually, but I can't leave my room cause someones in... so I'm gonna go to sleep for a bit.

 

[thequietone]

I would be honored if you stole my motto, Amiyumi!
Also, I'm confined to the computer room because people are downstairs and I'm hiding from them too! What a coincidence.
Hang in there.

 

[emmdee]

The points thing is a good idea, man. I think i am going to do that for myself!
Anyways, I am feeling normal.
Not in depressed mode. But not happy either...to face reality, i haven't really been happy for a while now.
I guess i am just basically feeling at the moment that i want to get over this and on with my life.
Too bad i can't yet. That would involve talking to my mother, who will first talk to me for like 487487417198 hours about it, and then talking another 3987239721 hours about how i can't go to treatment anyways because it costs too much. And then she would tell everyone i know. And it would be a waste of telling people, especially when i am already too freaked out to tell anyone in the first place.

 

[Amiyumi]

I would be honored if you stole my motto, Amiyumi!
Also, I'm confined to the computer room because people are downstairs and I'm hiding from them too! What a coincidence.
Hang in there.

Thanks quietone, I've added it to my wall with my points system.

It's tough having to stay in your room like that, I even do it when my oldest sister comes over. The worst senario was being trapped in the kitchen when I could'nt get to my room, I sat on the floor so I could hide under the counter if they came in... its kind of degrading to do stuff like that in the one place that's supposed to be safe. It lasted four hours.

My emotions are still mixed right now, so it's too cloudy to see a way out of this phase yet...

I'm a bit frustrated with trying to figuire out this computer right now, I have such a bad mental block with trying to learn how to do some things. I'm the pen over keyboard type...

x

 

[Marlene]

I am feeling so awful today, i was with my friends drinking coffe in some
cafe and felt so unworty and inferior, and swet abnormaly. But this is SF.
I have had two realy good experiences with my presentation and felt so
happy. i tought it´s going to give me coinfidence in everyday life and
ease my anxiety but it did not! probably because it has different factors
influencing my fears...
so, i feel like a total idiot and a piece of s.... today!!!