Apersonalan
Well-known member
I thought i'll make an introduction but get to the jist of things :| maybe some can relate
When I was a kid maybe 5 I was exposed to horror movies and was always paranoid about ghost monsters devil freddy krueger lol and my parents dying and being all alone
I had pure o when I was 13 I think due to being seperated from my friends as a kid I previously went to a catholic school my parents couldn't afford the expensive high school I went public and was the only one there. At the same time my former friends had stopped hanging with me there was an invisible rule that public shoolers were rude or losers it was silly. I used to be the class clown liked by many I liked everyone too but I was so embarressed when this happened.
In my teen years I became more aggressive and started questioning things I made new friends mostly non conformists my pure o was gone for the time being but I became depressed and suffered body dismorphia. I got through this by making myself ugly kind of on purpose so no one knew the real me this gave me a new happiness in my life an excitement over anything a happiness almost the same as when I was a child.
After high school I stayed in the house for a long time afraid to go out my body dismorphia getting worse I was undiagnosed still, my friends thought I was a downer or wanted to be cool or something they left and moved far away getting jobs starting families something I can never do. I struggled to keep in touch with the ones that stayed as they were more cognitive than me. Now they are also gone far away.
When I was 19 I had an outer body experience/dream while awake? one not worth discussing but something about it... anyway then my pure o came back this time worser because my brain had developed more and I was more creative and advanced in what I said/believed in that was negative which made it much harder to solve and be comfortable again. It was pure hell.
I'm now 27 I am a stocktrader since I can do this from home I haven't been out of the house in years. Success has gotten rid of my pure o greatly although it never goes away for me the stress and anxiety is gone but certain things can trigger. I have more ocd probs and have had more but I'm too lazy to discuss them
My lack of desire for the simplest of life pleasures comes back now and then which is must better than before. I have no plans in life no enthusiasm which I can't help I have no real life friends no relationship no car or concentration to drive, my age is not my mental state nor look, I'm just a kid. But I'm trying...
That is my intro any comments would be nice. Thanks.
When I was a kid maybe 5 I was exposed to horror movies and was always paranoid about ghost monsters devil freddy krueger lol and my parents dying and being all alone
I had pure o when I was 13 I think due to being seperated from my friends as a kid I previously went to a catholic school my parents couldn't afford the expensive high school I went public and was the only one there. At the same time my former friends had stopped hanging with me there was an invisible rule that public shoolers were rude or losers it was silly. I used to be the class clown liked by many I liked everyone too but I was so embarressed when this happened.
In my teen years I became more aggressive and started questioning things I made new friends mostly non conformists my pure o was gone for the time being but I became depressed and suffered body dismorphia. I got through this by making myself ugly kind of on purpose so no one knew the real me this gave me a new happiness in my life an excitement over anything a happiness almost the same as when I was a child.
After high school I stayed in the house for a long time afraid to go out my body dismorphia getting worse I was undiagnosed still, my friends thought I was a downer or wanted to be cool or something they left and moved far away getting jobs starting families something I can never do. I struggled to keep in touch with the ones that stayed as they were more cognitive than me. Now they are also gone far away.
When I was 19 I had an outer body experience/dream while awake? one not worth discussing but something about it... anyway then my pure o came back this time worser because my brain had developed more and I was more creative and advanced in what I said/believed in that was negative which made it much harder to solve and be comfortable again. It was pure hell.
I'm now 27 I am a stocktrader since I can do this from home I haven't been out of the house in years. Success has gotten rid of my pure o greatly although it never goes away for me the stress and anxiety is gone but certain things can trigger. I have more ocd probs and have had more but I'm too lazy to discuss them
My lack of desire for the simplest of life pleasures comes back now and then which is must better than before. I have no plans in life no enthusiasm which I can't help I have no real life friends no relationship no car or concentration to drive, my age is not my mental state nor look, I'm just a kid. But I'm trying...That is my intro any comments would be nice. Thanks.
