Hello and then some...

[ignorance]

Hi SPW peers!

Just joined today and want to introduce "me".

I am a 30's guy living in Australia with a debilitating condition that means I spend of my time as a recluse in my home, avoiding anything and everything.

I won't go in to details today, my energy is low today, but I will just say I can and do standout in a crowd, and not in a good way unfortunatley.

I have tried to live a "normal" ignorant life for many years, but it gets to the point where you just want to conceed defeat, and recluse - just for my own sanity. I can't handle the public comments, stares, jokes, and laughter. It is very depressing, and until I can be accepting of my 'rank' in society, I will be forever miserable.

For many years I tried to convince myself that "it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks", but I just cant back that argument up anymore, as it truley does matter. When you are walking down the street, or even sitting at your own window, and some a-hole pulls out their phone to take a photo of you, you know that your not in a good place. I dread to think what people who have tweeted or facebook'd my photo write about me.

I could write a thesis about public ridicule and social rank in our supposedly classless society, and perhaps oneday I might start that on here... but not today; just too exhusted atm.

I just wanted to pop my head in and say hi (hope it didn't freak you out)! I would love to hear from anyone who empathises or is living through a similar tormented life.

Wish you all well.

 

[awkwardamanda]

Hello and welcome to SPW!

 

[skins]

hey and welcome to the forum..im 28 and living in brisbane aswell, hope you enjoy your stay here. why is it you feel people are laughing/pointing/staring at you btw? ..and you sitting at a window by yourself is hardly photo worthy?? i find that one strange.

 

[Aussie_Lad]

Hello and welcome, I am also living in the Brisbane area.

I find it hard to beleive that you stand out in a crowd. We have are surrounded by all types of people. You have Downs sufferers, paraplegics, Africans, Asians, Fat people, Thin people, Short people, Tall people. I can guarantee you that one walk down Queen Street mall in the middle of the day, and you would see most of the mentioned. Most people are also zombies, they walk around minding their own business, hardly noticing anyone else but people that they are with.

 

[Ignace]

Hello there, welcome.

 

[ignorance]

why is it you feel people are laughing/pointing/staring at you btw? ..and you sitting at a window by yourself is hardly photo worthy?? i find that one strange.

Yeah, it is always a hard one to deal with emotionally when I am victimised like that in my own home and sanctuary. Symptomaticlly on a skin-deep level, which is what everyone judges me on in the first instance, I have an odly shaped head with wide forehead. I also have large prominent facial features...that's me and it always has been - doesn't look weird to me - which is probably why it is so hard to come to terms with all the negative attention I attract.

 

[ignorance]

I find it hard to beleive that you stand out in a crowd.

Thanks Aussie_Lad, I agree - we are all physically different, but there is a normal curve, and therefore stardard deviations, I am pretty far from the mean.

Yeah, I know that I am not alone on this, I would love to meet people who feel my pain, but having SA makes that difficult.

I know what you mean about the Queen street mall, I worked in the city for over 12 years and I felt "almost" relaxed and at ease in the mall, but when you get to social situations where groups gather (parties, pubs, events, etc), that is where I cop the most ridicule.

One easy to spot and very consistant trend is that when people are alone and/or on a mission (eg, luch break in the city), they may look, sometimes stare-down, and occasionally comment or take a 'sly' photo. Add one or more friends to the mix and their ego is increased and they are much more likley to do the above mentioned things. Most people - though not inclined to admit on a concious level - will 'seek' inflation of their self importance by perhaps un/maliciously deflating the self importance of another.

 

[3lefts]

There is something beautiful about your appearance, about you, that makes you who you are. Hopefully in your lifetime you meet the people who will see it, the ones who will actually be looking without a screen of prejudgment before their eyes.

 

[ignorance]

Thanks all for your warm welcome.

I am really apprehensive about telling my story. I hope that SPW will open me to a new world, a world of people that appreciate diversity, and empower each other to move on and personally combat isolation through fear of social stigma.

OMG, that last sentance was hard to read back - I hope you know what I mean ::

I know we are all here with our own stories, and I will slowly begin to trawl through the threads to get to know you and your fears and your goals. No doubt we will clash sometimes, but I hope that mostly we can all be honest and not be afraid to be heard.

I am keen to meet people on here from Brisbane that are looking to have a good chat over coffee. I am not that scary really. Kind, warm and open-minded sums me up. A friend in need is a friend indeed, goes the saying.

I am having a life-changing time at the moment, facing my deamons. I am not here to be put back on track, but to find the right track. A new track that will bring acceptance and happiness - of the real kind - not the percieved kind.

Cheers!

 

[Kiwong]

Hello Iggie,

I now what you are talking about, I live in a fish bowl of a town, and it seems lot of people know me and not in a good way.

Anyway good luck on your journey.