Have you ever considered

[Sacrament]

That the reason why we perceive others to be extremely judgemental and to be constantly judging us/making fun of us is because we are the ones who are judgemental, judging them without actual proof that they are secretly hating us?

I'm asking this because, most of the time, we walk into a crowded place and think everyone's looking at us, and our thoughts bubble with "what ifs" when in reality, they're just doing their own thing and couldn't care less about you (in a good way).

 

[Mikefly]

yeah the world is like a mirror of what you think of yourself.

 

[lurknomore]

Well said Mikefly, and I totally agree Sacrament. We make prejudgments and assumptions all the time- anticipating rejection before it's even happened. I would however modify Mikefly's statement to say that your perception of the world is like a mirror of what you think of yourself- and what you perceive becomes your reality whether it's "real" or not.

 

[BlackKids]

I often think although I'm a nice guy I'm pretty shallow. I judge most people both + & - .

I'm putting in extra effort so I can get into shape/tone up. So I can look better and attract better looking girls, Sounds shallow to me

 

[dooby-duck]

Yes, if you are looking for something hard enough you will usually find it. I mind read a lot and probably not very accurately at all. Over analysing every word and body language probably doesn't help either. This type of anxiety is not logical and encourages illogical thinking.

 

[Harleyq]

Definitely. I don't think that's the sole reason, but it's pretty up there.

I'm fully aware that most of my fears are irrational and I'm sure most, if not all, of the other people on here are aware of that as well.

 

[L Hilla]

Yeah I guess so. We're no different in the judging department, so I make sure to keep that in mind when I'm in an area. You're saying that maybe like, our judgements on ourselves get turned inside out and projected into the world or soemthing? Lol I dunno, usually I try to go "**** it, its humane nature to feel certain ways", and not tire myself out with questioning all my feelings.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

I choose to remain open to the possibility that someone might hate me or want to hate me for one reason or another but I'm going to try to remember that not everyone is going to be this way. I'm not going to walk into a room and believe that no one will judge me at any point. Whether negative, positive or objective, someone will pass judgment.

I am basically afraid that people will judge me as a "whore" or "slut" and harrass me as a result, or that women will judge me negatively because they are envious. Some women have tried to point out real or percieved flaws or tried to pick apart things that I would say or do (indirect aggression). Surely, this was done to discredit me in order to make themselves feel better.

I can understand if someone is afraid of being judged as worthless, ugly, stupid or boring because they themselves may believe it but I have no reason to consider myself a "whore". I never even judge women as such because I don't believe that a woman can be a "slut". Such a judgment is shallow, ignorant, lacks validity, and normally stems from envy, jealousy, insecurity or just plain stupidity.

People have made these sorts of judments on me before and I have often heard others (both men and women) refer to other women as "sluts" or "whores". This seems to be mainly reserved for women who are popularly considered attractive.

What I am trying to say is that my fear of being judged does not reflect how I see myself.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

I often think although I'm a nice guy I'm pretty shallow. I judge most people both + & - .

I'm putting in extra effort so I can get into shape/tone up. So I can look better and attract better looking girls, Sounds shallow to me

I think it is easy to tell that you are a nice guy but I don't think you are shallow in the least. Getting in shape to attract the opposite sex is not shallow at all. It's completely natural. Animals try to make themselves more attractive in order to attract potential mates and so do we. Even in their world, there are those who are more or less desirable.

Some people don't care or have any standards when it comes to choosing a mate so does that make them trashy or tasteless? That doesn't necessarily make them a great person. You're not shallow for wanting to attract prettier girls. In fact, you are very honest and I personally think that you will succeed. Would you rather settle for someone whom you are not attracted to for the sake of not being shallow?

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

Here are some answers I recieved to my question about human judgment. I think the first one is interesting.

People define themselves not by what they are, but by what they are not.
We create an ego-definition of ourselves by realizing how we are different from other people. It is what makes us feel like an 'individual'. Its a part of the pattern recognizing nature of the mind. We often pick 'which of these things is not like the other.' in order to categorize them properly in our mind.

Lumping people into categories allows us to remember them easier and put it away in a "filing system"

The human brain is an unparalleled pattern recognition computer. The downside to this trait is the desire to put everything into a neat, easily defined box.

 

[redski]

...Animals try to make themselves more attractive in order to attract potential mates and so do we. Even in their world, there are those who are more or less desirable.

Interesting, please enlighten me to what animals, a simple example will suffice?

 

[klytus]

Interesting, please enlighten me to what animals, a simple example will suffice?

I suppose that all sexually reproducing species do that, in one way or another. Look up "sexual selection".

 

[Remus]

Interesting, please enlighten me to what animals, a simple example will suffice?

birds are a good example, for example the male often has much more colourful plumage than the female, the best looking male being the successful one.

 

[redski]

I suppose that all sexually reproducing species do that, in one way or another. Look up "sexual selection".

Well, I disagree. We humans exercise, try to dress well, put on make up etc...
Isn't it more that animals work with what they have and do not try to
"enhance" themselves to attract the opposite sex?

 

[klytus]

Well, I disagree. We humans exercise, try to dress well, put on make up etc...

Many animals enter characteristic mating habits during their respective species' pairing season where, say, the most stimulating movements lead to success in mating. While they don't consciously alter their appearance like humans do, it is part of their instinctual behavior to try to stand out.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

I would also like to add, our brains are programmed this way through evolution.

Can you tell me more about that? I've been trying to find information on the subject and I just can't seem to find anything.

You can thank society and the media etc. All you gotta do is put the TV on, read a newspaper, or open a magazine (and now the internet) and you think others are better than you.

Yeah, sometimes some people really are better than me. At least as far as I am aware.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

Interesting, please enlighten me to what animals, a simple example will suffice?

Remus and Klytus already did so for me. I couldn't have put it better than them.

 

[redski]

Many animals enter characteristic mating habits during their respective species' pairing season where, say, the most stimulating movements lead to success in mating. While they don't consciously alter their appearance like humans do, it is part of their instinctual behavior to try to stand out.

I fully agree with you but this can be generalized to humans. I guess as a man for us it is "confidence"
which makes us stand out/attract if we disregard the physical for a brief moment.

My reason for posting was the Serafina used the line "try to make themselves
more attractive" (yes I am being pedantic).
My reasoning was that they "court" each other as we humans but we
are the ones that physically try to make ourselves more attractive by
enhancing
our appearance. Yes, birds may show of their colorful feathers
and patterns but they are working with what God gave them, if you will.
We as we humans are conscious of ourselves. as klytus says.

Last post on this subject. I am leading this topic of course.
I must learn not to do this.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

Well, I disagree. We humans exercise, try to dress well, put on make up etc...
Isn't it more that animals work with what they have and do not try to
"enhance" themselves to attract the opposite sex?

Well, that's obvious, but just because we have outside means of making ourselves more attractive doesn't mean that it is not natural for us to do so. The purpose is to find a mate same as other animals. We tend to forget that we are animals as well and even if we are highly evolved, we still have things in common with them. A male camel may only need to "regurgitate" his stomach to attract a potential mate. A human male has the greater advantage as he can build muscle or wear nicer clothes (or numerous other options).

 

[redski]

A human male has the greater advantage as he can build muscle or wear nicer clothes (or numerous other options).

I am breaking my rule I posted last that I wouldn't post here again
It could be seen as a great disadvantage to as we humans have to do
and think of many more things when trying to attract a potential mate.