Has anyone ever felt the need to go this far?

[Krista]

You feel like the way you look, dress and act don't appeal to people? That everyone automatically thinks you're disinteresting or you tell yourself that they're thinking you aren't attractive enough maybe. Sometimes I have these massive panic attacks while I'm sitting there in the presence of someone and all I can think about is how they're probably thinking I'm unattractive, or boring, not good enough, I don't have a look that wow's people. I can't hold anyones attention. I have this image in my head of what I think I look like to everyone and it's awful. My mind seems to pull this image up when I'm in an uncomfortable situation and feel like I'm on display to people. Like it's reminding me that this is what I look like and I look like sh-t. And then I'll pass a mirror and think why do I keep telling myself that..I look fine, maybe not everything I'd like to be but average. But I think I take it to the extreme sometimes when I feel like I have to alter my appearance to what I think others think I should look like. Or what people would consider pretty/beautiful because I just don't meet those standards on my own as myself.

It's awful but everytime I get a haircut or my hair colored, I know it's not just for my own benefit but for other people. That maybe this will make me feel a little better about myself and people will like me more too. It's not that people don't like me...I just assume they don't. And it does make me feel good when I get the initial reaction of but with no confidence to back it up, I go back right to how I was. I feel kinda like a fake. I've stopped doing it but I get the urge now and again to do something durastic to my appearance. I've never changed my personality for anyone but my outside is everyone's canvas and I don't hesitate to stop them from telling me what I should be because the me I am just isn't good enough.

 

[Harleyq]

Yeah sometimes. I think everyone conforms to what they hope people will accept, at least a little.

I've caught myself saying or wearing things just to try to appear more likeable to others because I've felt completely uninteresting and dull or ugly.

 

[melissahp]

You ARE GOOD ENOUGH, let me tell you this way, when you look at other people are you judging them the way you think they are judging you?

When I took this approach I felt like, why should I think they think any different when they judge people, truth is, even if you do something so stupid or if you look SO bad, they will only think on it for a moment, the next hour they won't even RECALL! As exposure, try looking like crap or something, or make a fool of yourself and try to laugh. It won't feel like you want to, but actually it helps. I started by making jokes, about ahh i look like a tractor trailor rolled over me this morning! and I was kinda thinking that too, but I forced myself to joke about it, and some people laughed or said oh shut up! key is not to look like a sad puppy when you say this Do this often enough, joking about that, and you really will see the humor in it!

Well it worked for me. learning to laugh at urself might mean u gotta try really really hard to ACT at first, but then it will come naturally. and it feels better

 

[Enialis227]

I used to get the urge to do that, but I never had the guts to try it.
My logic was that at least I knew how people would react to me normally, even if it wasn't favourable. Changing my looks drastically was too far into unknown territory for me.

 

[melissahp]

other thing is never ask for reassurance!! NEVER NEVER! EVER!! OK?!!! thats the WORST thing ever. don't ask does my hair look gross, does this shirt make me fat. Its ok to do this is you have good self confidence, once in a while, but in our case we gotta go COLD TURKEY! and after a while you stop thinking what does she think ? or he think? plus you will learn to say "so what, my hair does look kinda gross to be honest I need to shower" it takes lots of time and is uncomfortable...but thats wut exposure is all about!

 

[Krista]

Yeah sometimes. I think everyone conforms to what they hope people will accept, at least a little.

I've caught myself saying or wearing things just to try to appear more likeable to others because I've felt completely uninteresting and dull or ugly.

Yeah, that's what I mean. I just don't like the guilty feeling I get when I do something for appearance sake and know that it's not just for me but to please everyone else too.

 

[melissahp]

when it comes to that I am queen of trying exposure ... I did everything under the sun and the moon... these things worked for me I hope they work for you!

 

[lurknomore]

Yes I feel this way at all times when I'm around people. Sometimes I feel like I can't get a new style of hair or some nice new jeans because people will think that I think highly of myself or something; I can't even think of how to explain it but I don't want to dress TOO nicely or TOO badly because it'll draw attenton to me...

I think this is how I am too... I very rarely change my appearance, and if I do, it's very minor. The most radical thing I do from time to time is get my hair cut shorter ::

I don't like drawing attention to myself- even the good kind. I guess because I think that I won't be able to hold up or sustain the "new" look- or know how to deal with the attention or keep people interested after the initial "shock" or "wow" has worn off.

 

[Hellhound]

I don't really care looking the way i look. Yes, i do think people dislike me and i do think i am an ugly insane monster, but I've learned to accept it at the point that I don't give a crap anymore if others think so. At the same time, I find annoying when they tell me how i should look and what i should do, it's non of their business... I don't go telling them that their clothes look idiotic or they constant talking bores me to death -.-

 

[limetree]

I'm not aware of any conscious motives for dressing solely for others, I think it's usually more case of me projecting my own tastes onto them. Attractive is subjective though, so even if you dress to impress some people, you never know, you might meet someone you're interested in who has the complete opposite taste, which might be closer to your original style. I don't make friends with shallow people so they don't give a shit what I look like and vice versa. It made me more anxious to try and compensate for a personality with an interesting style because I felt like I was falsely leading people on. I'd get comments on my pics saying "you look like a fun person to hang around!" when I'm really not. I feel equally defeated about both aspects of myself now, I don't think I can refine myself anymore to make others like me, and I definitely believe being true to yourself is more important. The only thing we need to focus on is cultivating self-love and acceptance.

 

[Anomaly]

You feel like the way you look, dress and act don't appeal to people? That everyone automatically thinks you're disinteresting or you tell yourself that they're thinking you aren't attractive enough maybe.

I don't really worry about it because it's out of my control - I'm unattractive no matter what I wear.

 

[Krista]

I just find myself picking something out not only because I like it but because of how it might appeal to other people. I suppose it's just being afraid that if I don't look like an interesting person they're going to dismiss me from their attention. I'm getting better at it though, not thinking about how people will react to what I'm wearing or doing either positively/negatively. I only bring it up because I think I'm going to get my lip pierced soon and I like that this idea is something I've been wanting do and not just something extreme to catch notice. I find it's actually easier getting over my anxiety when people start up conversations with me about something I have, like my tattoos. Because they're interested in the stories behind them and I know they're being genuine instead of in my head making it out like they're doing it to make fun of me or something.

 

[limetree]

Tattoos and lip piercings are awesome I also find that some people hide behind their artwork or fave books, music, movies etc or to appear more interesting and they don't have SA. It's a win-win situation when you pick something you like and it appeals to others too, as long as you're honest with who you are when people start getting to know you.

 

[206Raider]

I get the feeling that people don't like me or think I'm ugly or something if I'm at like a party or something and I interact for awhile but then I get unsure of myself around a bunch of people I don't know and think these people don't want to talk to me for whatever reason and it's hard to break that cycle becuase I get so sure that there is something wrong that I shouldn't be this worried about what I look like, but I think everybody does a lil and usually when that happens, I usually meet somebody who I didn't think liked me will come and talk for a long time. All I know is that I'm not a slob, I take care of myself and stay clean and my clothes are fine, just take care of youself and dress how you want. You just got to remember if somebody doesn't like you that is their loss, becuase most everybody here is good people and I remember one time I tried to be like everybody else back in school and dyed blonde tips on my hair and spiked my hair and dressed different and I felt like a sellout and people seemed to like me less becuase I wasn't being true to myself, when you be yourself people seem to like you more. I can also tell you for a fact that you are far from ugly and don't change for anybody becuase in the long run you will just get people who don't care for you, they only care as long as your doing what they want you to do.

 

[Krista]

I get the feeling that people don't like me or think I'm ugly or something if I'm at like a party or something and I interact for awhile but then I get unsure of myself around a bunch of people I don't know and think these people don't want to talk to me for whatever reason and it's hard to break that cycle becuase I get so sure that there is something wrong that I shouldn't be this worried about what I look like, but I think everybody does a lil and usually when that happens, I usually meet somebody who I didn't think liked me will come and talk for a long time. All I know is that I'm not a slob, I take care of myself and stay clean and my clothes are fine, just take care of youself and dress how you want. You just got to remember if somebody doesn't like you that is their loss, becuase most everybody here is good people and I remember one time I tried to be like everybody else back in school and dyed blonde tips on my hair and spiked my hair and dressed different and I felt like a sellout and people seemed to like me less becuase I wasn't being true to myself, when you be yourself people seem to like you more. I can also tell you for a fact that you are far from ugly and don't change for anybody becuase in the long run you will just get people who don't care for you, they only care as long as your doing what they want you to do.

Exactly. I feel the same way and lol no offense to the girl giving me advice about not feeling bad if my hair looks bad or unclean....my hair's always washed..I wasn't necessarily talking about being unclean. Which I'm never lol. But thanks, that's precisely what I needed to hear.

 

[Falkor]

I can totally relate to this. I'm not a Wow'girl eather.
When I look at photo-models at tv i get depressed.
I always need to look perfect!
And I'm sooo much obsessed about how other people see me.
I wish I could sneeky walk in everyone's mind and know what they think XD
But that's impossible. And that would make me a creep XD

 

[Krista]

I can totally relate to this. I'm not a Wow'girl eather.
When I look at photo-models at tv i get depressed.
I always need to look perfect!
And I'm sooo much obsessed about how other people see me.
I wish I could sneeky walk in everyone's mind and know what they think XD
But that's impossible. And that would make me a creep XD

Lol, not at all. We could be creeps together then because I would love to do the same thing and that's my problem. Focusing on what people think about me too much but talking it out and learning that because you have this bad image of yourself doesn't mean that that's what you even look like. It's nice to get through it together anyways so believe me, I'm there with you lol.

 

[Interzone]

You feel like the way you look, dress and act don't appeal to people? That everyone automatically thinks you're disinteresting or you tell yourself that they're thinking you aren't attractive enough maybe. Sometimes I have these massive panic attacks while I'm sitting there in the presence of someone and all I can think about is how they're probably thinking I'm unattractive, or boring, not good enough, I don't have a look that wow's people. I can't hold anyones attention. I have this image in my head of what I think I look like to everyone and it's awful. My mind seems to pull this image up when I'm in an uncomfortable situation and feel like I'm on display to people. Like it's reminding me that this is what I look like and I look like sh-t. And then I'll pass a mirror and think why do I keep telling myself that..I look fine, maybe not everything I'd like to be but average. But I think I take it to the extreme sometimes when I feel like I have to alter my appearance to what I think others think I should look like. Or what people would consider pretty/beautiful because I just don't meet those standards on my own as myself.

It's awful but everytime I get a haircut or my hair colored, I know it's not just for my own benefit but for other people. That maybe this will make me feel a little better about myself and people will like me more too. It's not that people don't like me...I just assume they don't. And it does make me feel good when I get the initial reaction of but with no confidence to back it up, I go back right to how I was. I feel kinda like a fake. I've stopped doing it but I get the urge now and again to do something durastic to my appearance. I've never changed my personality for anyone but my outside is everyone's canvas and I don't hesitate to stop them from telling me what I should be because the me I am just isn't good enough.

I know exactly what you mean because I go through the same thing on an almost daily basis. I've always been told to "not care about what other people think" but I can't help it but care. The way I see it, if I don't care then I will be even more invisible and unattractive to them and then I will never have any chance of making any friends. So I do it to try and fit in with the crowd, I don't try to stand out, I'm just as plain as possible but I doubt myself and my appearance every waking moment I am in public. Especially when I am at my Uni.

 

[206Raider]

Yeah and it's always cool to wear stuff and buy things to make yourself look good, even though I don't always have things to do, it always feels good to put on some new clothes and see myself in the mirror like "yeah I'm cool today" lol. but yeah you should get your lip pierced if that's what you want to do, those can look sexy lol, but you'd still look good without it too.