had enough of being passive

[recluse]

i've been a member of this forum and sas forum for a few years now and i've been thinking; what reason do i have other than to complain about my life? What i'm trying to say is i am not making any effort to rid myself of my problem by going out and meet people, and i'm thinking that i can't expect myself to magically change unless i put the effort in. I'm merely wasting my life sitting on my computer complaining and reading other people complaining, it's an addiction i know. I often wonder if i really do suffer from sa at times as i can go to stores alone etc but my self esteem is rock bottom which stops me from wanting to be with people and i literally have no clue what to talk about with people even my parents. I wish conversation was not needed because i feel immense pressure to think what to say. A girl in college told me ''you are no good at talking to people because you dont know what to say!'' whcich is true and still plays in my mind years later. This is why i fear the idea of going on a date, no woman wants a guy who has no interesting conversation and is socially awkward. I don't know how to change.

 

[user deleted]

It's sometimes difficult to strike a balance between using the internet for support and using it as a replacement for social interaction. I find myself teetering between the two fairly often.

Is it just in real life you have difficulty making conversation, or is it something you have even online?

 

[gustavofring]

Maybe use the internet to get some stuff to talk about. I listen to some Podcasts about stuff that interests me. It's sometimes good to hear a human talking then to only read, and the talking is infectious.

 

[Facethefear]

Don't worry about what to talk about because most daily conversation is inane. The weather, TV, music, gossip, traffic, etc. The subject you need to concentrate on is ...the other person! Ask them about their health, wealth and happiness. It is a topic most people enjoy. Why was Oprah so popular? She asked others questions about themselves and nodded, agreed and smiled at every answer. She listened and by the end of the conversation they thought O was their new best friend. Take a lesson from Oprah and let them talk about themselves.

 

[laure15]

It's sometimes difficult to strike a balance between using the internet for support and using it as a replacement for social interaction. I find myself teetering between the two fairly often.

I feel like I'm closer to people in this forum than to many people in real life.

 

[spoiler_alert]

i feel good somedays.... feel like appriciatng everybody who calls me to come chill with them.. i feel im wanted. that makes me very passive.. i used to b some one in control of everything.. leader of my pack.. alll of a sudden i started judging my actions... started thinking before i can speak.. i wish i was young again.. i wish i was a child... i wih i could just yell n cry out

 

[spoiler_alert]

.....cont i wish i could express my feelings the way ifeel about them....my feelings are more centered now arround those surrounding me.. i feel surrounded by people even when im alone.. i cant sleep... icant speak to my folks to.... im jecome just too judgemental about people coz i fea they judge me... i reflect on all the negative things after meeting frends instead of thinking of the fun good times we had

 

[recluse]

It's sometimes difficult to strike a balance between using the internet for support and using it as a replacement for social interaction. I find myself teetering between the two fairly often.

Is it just in real life you have difficulty making conversation, or is it something you have even online?

both, but it depends on the person for instance someone with the same interests. I find it difficult to think of topics and keeping the convo flowing. Its not that i fear talking it's that i have nothing i can think to talk about. I also get tired being with people so after a short while i feel the need to escape.

 

[recluse]

Maybe use the internet to get some stuff to talk about. I listen to some Podcasts about stuff that interests me. It's sometimes good to hear a human talking then to only read, and the talking is infectious.

i have tried to talk about stuff but some people dont take an interest. A lot of the time i am too lazy and cant concentrate on reading

 

[recluse]

Don't worry about what to talk about because most daily conversation is inane. The weather, TV, music, gossip, traffic, etc. The subject you need to concentrate on is ...the other person! Ask them about their health, wealth and happiness. It is a topic most people enjoy. Why was Oprah so popular? She asked others questions about themselves and nodded, agreed and smiled at every answer. She listened and by the end of the conversation they thought O was their new best friend. Take a lesson from Oprah and let them talk about themselves.

a lot of the time i feel that what im gonna say has no importance so i dont say it. I hate asking too many questions because it sounds like i an interview.

 

[Nabu]

both, but it depends on the person for instance someone with the same interests. I find it difficult to think of topics and keeping the convo flowing. Its not that i fear talking it's that i have nothing i can think to talk about. I also get tired being with people so after a short while i feel the need to escape.

We should hang out sometime.
I have also no clue how to change. Things I have tried was a lot.

 

[recluse]

I feel like I'm closer to people in this forum than to many people in real life.

i feel i dont fit in even on this forum, everyone seems to connect but i feel an outcast even on here.

 

[theslowesthand]

This place feels like a second home to me .. not sure if it has anything to do with people/connecting/etc, or just a regular/routine thing i do most days.
Only when i am actively posting do i feel some "connection" of sorts, but otherwise i tend to feel "invisible". I do not do any chatting on here, as that's real-world stuff, which i don't do (& no good at). I just do on here (& in real life) what suits my personality/life, and no more than that.

Perhaps there are better ways to resolve these issues you face? Maybe rather than fighting who you are, go with it more? (eg only talking if/when truly want to rather than out of logical goals, or pressure). Basically, you are who you are, for life. So rather than trying to change into somebody you are not, why not just try and focus on how to be happier within yourself?. Forget about other people (for now) .. they'll come to you later, once you find out what truly drives/inspires/etc you (you will "attract" them into your life at the appropriate time, or so "The Secret" says). You need to please yourself first, before you can know how to please others.

Basically, if various methods of changing have been tried for years & years, but have failed (ie they will likely NEVER work for you), then it's time to look for some radically different possible ways (which MIGHT work).

 

[Dusti]

I remember being that way as a younger woman. I'm older now and don't usually have too much of a problem at least starting a conversation. I don't actually remember what happened to change that. I think I probably started off simple. A few (light-hearted) questions about the person I am with. Something on television that may be of interest, the latest news (but again make it light). Also, go to a place that provokes conversation -- an unusual restaurant, museum or something that is of interest to you that will allow you to open up and talk about that particular interest. Go someplace that you really like by yourself if you can and hopefully you can meet some like-minded people. Sometimes charities are a good place to start. That way you are helping out in an area of interest, you feel good about it and you have other volunteers that have the same interest as you. Good luck.