Guys can't hang out with girls as friends?

[FriendlyShadow]

Well, my speech therapists set out a social group where I meet two kids in there(one boy, one girl and are around the same age as me) so that we can share personal interests and things we have in common. For the most part, the two kids and I kind of have distinctive tastes on what we personally like except for a few exceptions we have in common, but they never bashed me on what I disliked or liked in my opinions. Anyways, couple days ago, the guy had asked me if he wanted to see the movie "How To Train Your Dragon 2" with me. We watched it yesterday and I had nice time at the movies with him, but the thing is though, some of my family members think it's some sort of date we were going on. My sister and my mother go "OOohh Jamie's got a boyfriend." and all that. My sister then asked me one time if I thought the guy was cute. Like, I didn't know what the hell to say because it obviously wasn't a date. She kept pushing it on me "Do you think he's cute Jamie?" I was like he's cute, but I'm not exactly looking in for a relationship with anyone. The guy by the way, wears glasses, has facial hair, and has the same type of social problems I have. I mean, I'm not trying to sound like I'm those people who are shallow and say I don't want to go out with this person because he/she's ugly or he/she's nerdy. No, I'm not saying that all. Well, for one, his tastes and my tastes are pretty much different except for liking stuff like lord of the rings or skyrim video games. I checked on his facebook, and he seemed to have liked a lot of stuff that I'm not into. I know that's what he likes and I'm not going to control over of what he should like, I'm just saying the things he likes aren't really things I get into. Second, and as I stated in previous threads, I'm not fully ready to be in a relationship right now because I need things to work on myself and plus I don't want any drama in my life right now. It wouldn't even change if I was in a relationship with this guy because I'd still get treated the same way as if I had not without a boyfriend. The biggest problem I have though is that people think we actually "dated" just because we saw a movie together at the mall. I don't get it. Why is that guys or girls can't hang out with the opposite gender without being labeled their dating each other. It's not a date. It was more of a hangout thing for me and this guy. Like I said, I'm not saying he's ugly, I'm saying that I don't really think he's my type because of the interests/tastes he has in things than I do. I don't even think this guy sees it as a date either, he just sees me more as a friend. Can't a guy and girl hang out with each other without feeling embarrassed about it? I don't know why my family makes it a big deal that I'm hanging out with a guy instead of a girl. Like they are actually thinking I'm going to actually date and marry him.

 

[R3K]

my friends/family do the same thing with me. if i'm haning out with a girl (i'm a guy btw) or even mention to them I know a girl they're instantly like "oooh Jason has a girlfriend blah blah..."

it's desperate yearnings by our friends/family to see us striving to "elevate" to their cool social status level by gaining a mate in the world. they talk down on us about our inability to find a bf/gf all day long when we're not around and when we show the slightest indication that we're even associating with a member of the opposite sex it automatically becomes a big deal because the topic is already on their minds and they wanna see us go through the drama of trying to court somebody (wether we succeed or get rejected) solely for their own entertainment value. this is our life, we are weirdos to be mocked and scrutinized so our social superiors can feel better about themselves using us as negative examples.

 

[Diend]

I thought girls were very different than guys but they're really not. This also comes out through thinking girls don't like sports or play video games. If we make hanging between guys and girls a social norm then it might be less sexualized.

 

[Hellhound]

The guy by the way, wears glasses, has facial hair, and has the same type of social problems I have I mean, I'm not trying to sound like I'm those people who are shallow and say I don't want to go out with this person because he/she's ugly or he/she's nerdy. No, I'm not saying that all.

If you say you aren't shallow, then how him wearing glasses and having a beard or social problems is relevant at all...?

I sense a major contradiction.

 

[jc972]

I always had more fun hanging out with girl friends than other guys. Its hard to go do things with friends of the opposite sex without people making assumptions, that was always my experience anyway.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

If you say you aren't shallow, then how him wearing glasses and having a beard or social problems is relevant at all...?

I sense a major contradiction.

No, I'm not saying that, I'm saying I'm not into the things he likes movies/music/books, not by his appearance. I'm not trying to contradict on the situation, I'm just saying I don't like being teased by my family or others because since I haven't had a boyfriend in a long time and then they decide to be quick and call it a "date" just because we went to the movie theaters together. I like hims as friends, but I would never personally date him because I'm not interested in relationships now and his and my tastes are almost different. I'm sorry if my post offended you or anything, I'm just trying to be honest about how I feel. By no means do I think he's ugly, I just think we don't share a lot in common to be in a relationship, though I like for him and me to be friends.

 

[bsammy]

in my and many other guys experience, most guys arent going to just hang out with girls to socialize or be friends..guys in the vast majority of cases are going to want something more if u know what i mean..there are exception but id guesstimate about 95% of the time the guys are in it for something else than just friendship..

 

[THeCARS1979]

yeah its a good idea , why not

 

[FriendlyShadow]

in my and many other guys experience, most guys arent going to just hang out with girls to socialize or be friends..guys in the vast majority of cases are going to want something more if u know what i mean..there are exception but id guesstimate about 95% of the time the guys are in it for something else than just friendship..

Yeah, I realize that I a lot of guys want sex than rather getting into friendship with a girl, but not all are like that though. I'm talking about people who are teasing though about a girl and a guy hanging out when really they are just friends and nothing more. It's embarrassing that people have to be on your case because you're hanging out with the opposite sex and they have to make fun of you, especially if you've never had a boyfriend/girlfriend say "Ooooh, (insert name) got a boyfriend/girlfriend" I don't appreciate that. The social group that my therapist set up was for the kids and I to find our common interests and open up to each other, not a dating social group. I don't like that my sister and my mom think it's a date and I have to always dress up to impress someone when I go out. I don't think this guy sees it as a date either though so I would assume he just thinks of me as a friend and the same way I think of him. I told my sister that he just sees me as a friend but she goes "Why would you say that?" I'm like do we really need to turn this into a big thing?? I don't know why people just exaggerate on who's hanging out with who. He's a friend not a bachelor whom my therapist set me up with.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

There will always be that question of whether or not you like a girl (or a guy if you're a girl) if people see you hanging out a lot. Deep friendships between two straight people of the opposite sex where neither of them eventually develop a romantic interest for each other are very rare, if not impossible to last in the term. I hate to generalise but men also tend to pursue women for more than their friendship, whereas women will be happy to simply enjoy their friendship (aka the friendzone) but I know this is not true of all guys especially ones who are already in love with someone else, since they already have all of their needs met and are not looking for more. Well, that's my experience.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

There will always be that question of whether or not you like a girl (or a guy if you're a girl) if people see you hanging out a lot. Deep friendships between two straight people of the opposite sex where neither of them eventually develop a romantic interest for each other are very rare, if not impossible to last in the term. I hate to generalise but men also tend to pursue women for more than their friendship, whereas women will be happy to simply enjoy their friendship (aka the friendzone) but I know this is not true of all guys especially ones who are already in love with someone else, since they already have all of their needs met and are not looking for more. Well, that's my experience.

While I do agree with the things you said in your post, I don't think, though, that it is necessary and it's kind of rude when people point out if you are in a relationship with the opposite sex it's considered to be the two people dating. What if they just met though?? That's how I met this guy when we started the social group, I really am honestly sure he doesn't see me as being a date, but a good friend. I mean, we're not hang out a couple of weeks and BAM we are in a relationship together. I don't think people don't have the right to tease you of who you like being around with or more comfortable being around with. I know a lot of guys think about sex often unfortunately, but I think people just assume that when you start a friendship with an opposite sex, that you will get into that stuff about kissing, relationship, sex, ect. I don't want to be in a relationship (not that I'm saying I want to close my friendship with this guy or to hurt him or anything) with someone I barely have anything in common with. It's okay if we still hang out as friends though, but no further than that. And besides, with all the problems I have going on my life, like I said, it would be more stressful and more drama to be in a relationship because of keeping up with school, making each other happy, getting a job, fighting this social anxiety, ect. It's exhausting that it's like "extra" work for me to be able to accomplish all of that. I know some people told me "You can't help who you fall in love with" or something like that. Maybe it's true to some extent but I think you can somewhat help it if you don't really share things in common with each other

 

[Luckylife]

As you state, he has specs, is unshaven and not compatible with you. Altho your therapist might think this is a good idea it is bound to raise questions. Personally I wouldn't socialize with anyone that I couldn't envisage having a date with, simply to avoid embarrassment if they tried anything. I know a few like that and I will be polite and stand-offish so they will get the message that 'socially inadequate' I might be, 'desperate' I ain't. Anyone (girlfriend) I do socialize with is someone I find attractive and desirable and this stringency can bear fruit. Take last Friday - I've known 'K' for a year or so now, I find her really sexy and voluptuous, I first spoke to her simply because I find her everso attractive, anyway we had a wonderful embrace for what seemed like ages last week. Dead sexy, wheeeeeeeee....

 

[FriendlyShadow]

As you state, he has specs, is unshaven and not compatible with you. Altho your therapist might think this is a good idea it is bound to raise questions. Personally I wouldn't socialize with anyone that I couldn't envisage having a date with, simply to avoid embarrassment if they tried anything. I know a few like that and I will be polite and stand-offish so they will get the message that 'socially inadequate' I might be, 'desperate' I ain't. Anyone (girlfriend) I do socialize with is someone I find attractive and desirable and this stringency can bear fruit. Take last Friday - I've known 'K' for a year or so now, I find her really sexy and voluptuous, I first spoke to her simply because I find her everso attractive, anyway we had a wonderful embrace for what seemed like ages last week. Dead sexy, wheeeeeeeee....

It's not really the fact that I don't find him attractive because he has a beard, but yeah, I don't think if I had a relationship with him it would last very long. Besides, the fact that I see him on that face book, he has a lot of friends and I don't. I don't want someone who is the exact opposite of me. The only thing is, if he did see that we did this as a date because we went out to the movie theater together and he asked me if he wanted to me to be his girlfriend, then I'd say in the nicest, but honest way tell him that I'm just not looking for relationship right now. I don't know if he does have an attraction towards me or not, I'm sure he doesn't though. It's just too much drama and work for me because I'm so young and I have to put up with other problems that are going to be stressful in my life.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

Hi friend,
Just now I finished watching the first part of the movie "How To Train Your Dragon" and it coincides with your thread. You and guy can be friends and can continue your relationship. You may love him in the future and tell your parents that you two are just the best friends. Hey, another one thing I have to say is that I can able to observe that some common things between you and me. I observed this from your threads.

Hey Friendiam. Are you talking about the first movie of the How To Train Your Dragon or the second movie? I haven't seen the first one except for the previews so I didn't know what I was going to expect for watching the second movie, like what was going on in it. It was good though. Yeah, I'd rather be friends with him then getting into a relationship because it's a lot of commitment and I'm sure he'd be uncomfortable if I suddenly asked him out. I don't know, it's just awkward that you meet someone for a couple of months and all of a sudden you want to date. I think it's too rushed. I don't know if I'll love him or not in the future, but as of now, I'd rather him and me be friends. I don't think, honestly, I could go in a relationship with someone with almost different interests in things than I do. Not even if they are extroverted and have a lot of friends. Maybe he's just not my type when it comes to be compatible with each other.

 

[MotherWolff]

I believe guys can hang out with girls just as friends. Its very very possible. Especially if you have discipline and self-control: two very admirable characteristics that even God Himself favors.

 

[Auroraborealis]

I had guys that I considered just friends but more often than not, the guy ended up thinking there would be more to the relationship,it got pretty annoying after a while. The truth is that if you and him are on the same page without a doubt, it shouldn't be an issue. People will always try to play matchmaker, the only thing that really matters is that there's no confusion between the two of you.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Yea hellhound I would have thought it was pretty obvious I love lions wasn't saying what you were implying.
Maybe you misunderstood her.
On the subject though, there is the possibility that your family is...sort of excited at the thought of you POTENTIALLY becoming romantically involved with someone, so maybe don't judge them too harshly
But on the whole I agree, males and females should be able to hang out with each other without people thinking there's some romantic/sexual involvment. Personally I much prefer the social company of women.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

Yea hellhound I would have thought it was pretty obvious I love lions wasn't saying what you were implying.
Maybe you misunderstood her.
On the subject though, there is the possibility that your family is...sort of excited at the thought of you POTENTIALLY becoming romantically involved with someone, so maybe don't judge them too harshly
But on the whole I agree, males and females should be able to hang out with each other without people thinking there's some romantic/sexual involvment. Personally I much prefer the social company of women.

Yeah, I mean I wasn't trying to say that because he's got social problems or that he has glasses and a beard means that I don't find him attractive. I'm just being completely honest that I never personally want to be in a relationship with him because of how little we have in common. Maybe I guess since all of these years that I've gone through without having a boyfriend, my family may take that as surprise because a guy suddenly asked me out to the movies. I mean, he's not some bachelor though my therapist planned to set me up with. He's just there and the other girl with me for the social group just for us to talk to each other and find ways to at least come over the social anxiety I have. I don't think my sister or mother, though understands that it's not a date and they keep pushing "I'm gonna fix your hair. Let me put make up on you. Do you think he's cute? ect. I don't like that they're putting pressure and forcing me to do what they want me to do. We were just going out as friends, not going out together as a date. I mean, I don't want to judge them, but it is frustrating to have to deal with being harassed and pressured my own family who can't respect my own needs. But, I guess unfortunately since I'm so young I can't really defend myself much and they take advantage of it. I do agree with you that man and woman should be allowed to go out with each other without people judging or making assumptions that it's something more than that.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

I've had quite a few female friends that I have never thought about sexually. I think most men have. They tend to get a boyfriend and then not want to hang round with me as much, to not worry him. I've also had female friends that, I totally would, but friends is better than nothing.

Do you think they're doing it to wind you up? It's pretty common for someone to see someone getting defensive and push it for a laugh.

I'd say "no, we're not like that at all".

Then I'd explain to whoever "I've already told you a half dozen times. Are you sure you're not just raising this subject to try to upset me?"

ps his amount of facebook friends says very little about him. I doubt he's got a social lifestyle that would make it impossible for you to date him, considering where you met him. If you don't fancy him then you don't. It's nothing to do with hobbies. And it's definitely not something to be logically justified (which might make you look guilty).

Do you think they're doing it to wind you up? It's pretty common for someone to see someone getting defensive and push it for a laugh.

I think people do it because they love to take advantage of me. I think because that I'm so quiet, have social problems, and can barely stand up for myself, I think they can think because I have those things, they are allowed to treat me like that and like getting a rise out of it. I don't know if they don't know themselves that they are bothering the other person because they don't think of anything of it. I don't know if this guy got teased by his family or friends because they know that he was going out with me to see a movie and they started picking on him "OOOoooh he's got a girlfriend. What's her name? Have you kissed her yet?" That's like getting in your face and practically trying to annoy the person for no reason because you think it's funny. I do agree though that I wish I would like to say to these people "Look, it wasn't a date, we were just hanging out as friends? Can we please change the subject." I mean people just love to exaggerate and annoy you about it when it's not important at all.

ps his amount of facebook friends says very little about him. I doubt he's got a social lifestyle that would make it impossible for you to date him, considering where you met him. If you don't fancy him then you don't. It's nothing to do with hobbies. And it's definitely not something to be logically justified (which might make you look guilty).

I know I did sound kind of harsh because I wouldn't go out with him if he a lot friends on facebook, but you know I just can't deal with being in a relationship with a person did have friends(even if they extroverted) I just can't. Who knows if he is more sociable online then he is in person. I don't know, but still I met a lot of people who had friends, but treated me like garbage or would boss me around like a servant. I would never go out with people who had almost different interests in me(music, movies, books, ect) I know I might sound shallow to some of you, but I could never bring myself in a relationship with a person I can barely share little interest with or even if they had my opposite personality. I don't want to lie to myself if I were ever caught in the relationship and feel resentment later because he and I share nothing in common. To those few who couples who are polar opposites and can maintain their relationships, then good for them. For me, in my personal honest opinion, I don't think I could do it myself as I would like someone to be on the same level of shyness as me and have common interests/tastes of what I like.

 

[Odo]

You can definitely hang out with someone of the opposite sex as friends. It doesn't mean one person secretly wants to have sex with the other one, it doesn't mean it's going to turn into a situation where you're dating and it doesn't mean that if you don't get sex out of it it's not worth being friends.

I have had girls in my life who were most definitely nothing more than friends and the thought of having sex with them or dating them just didn't work. It wasn't because they were unattractive or because I was out of their league or they were out of mine, it had more to do with the general vibe of our relationship.

There was some limited degree of sexual interest at times I suppose (often more curiosity than attraction) but overall hooking up with them would have been awkward or strange, and the relationship just worked a lot better if we were friends.

Believe it or not, not all guys only want sex from women. You're allowed to have things in common, like each other and do things together from time to time without bringing sex or physical intimacy into it. Sometimes it's not even all that different from hanging out with a guy.