I tend to hate girls who I fanzy, but love them at the same time, at least I want to. It's so hard.
I find it hard to like someone who dosen't like me back, and most girls give an annoyed/disguested look when they see me. I know I'm not the best looking guy, but do they have to do they and make it ovbious? I don't treat anyone like crap, regardless how bad they look.
98% of attractive girls where I live, like the skinny, supermodel ones (which there is a lot where I live), are mean, judgemental and stuff. They only care about themselves and their friends. I disgusts me when people take things for granted. They have social skills, friends, boyfriend, they can call a friend up whenever they want to hang out. I would love to have that, it would make my life perfect. I just require one friend.
They treat others like crap who do not match them, like their looks and stuff. They treat me like I'm not there or like I'm a parasite. I do nothing to them. All that I have to do, is be in their view, and loomk at them for one second. If they seem me looking at them, they usually make a face. If I don't look at them, it's like I'm not there, or just someone else.
I can't help but look but look at them, becuase they are beautiful (unfortunately). I can tell that most attractive girls are really nervous when around me. I keep shaven, I don't smell bad, but I am awkward looking.
That is why I hate them, they hate me, they will hate me, and they are judgemental. For now on, when I see girls I fancy, no matter how attractive she is, I will treat her like they treat me. I will give them a scawly look, as if they are awkward looking, or they did something embarrising. I will make it obvoius that I don't like them.
They have it all and I have nothing. Must be great for them, so great they can exclude me from normal "society". It pisses me off. At the same time, I want to like them, but I can't. It's rare when I run into a girl, that dosen't make it obvious that she dosen't like me. It's pretty much everyday I'm out when they do that.
I want to be them or want to have one, someone special that that dosen't treat me like crap, that really cares about me, would help me and be there for me, as I would do the same for her.
It's not very often you see an attractive girl with a boyfriend who is not that attractive, sort of fatty, and awkward looking. I've seen like 10 maybe, or less then ten in my entire lifetime. One was just the other day, I've seen an attractive blond girl who was with a guy, who was with a guy, about the same size I am. I'm not obese or anything, just a little on the chubby side. I've learning to restrict my diet to one meal per day, something healthy. So I can loose weight. I'm working on my personality. Trying not to be so random, working on things I should not say, etc.
