Greetings

[SamTheSammich]

Hello forum, my name is Sam,17 years of age,with multiple different issues emotionally,physically and socially that I hope to find more like me..

I am an artist,a gamer and a writer,and hoping to get into college soon to land a job in concept art. (if you would like to see my portraits and work I'd be more than happy to share with you I mean if you want..)

I have severe socially anxiety and phobia (otherwise I wouldn't be here),to the point where I can't get up in class to get the things I need for certain classwork (projects,worksheets,etc.),even a pencil is so difficult to get across the room.
Luckily I go to a small school with around 100 people,a Performance Learning Center,not an alternative school but a literal alternative to the regular high school where people that are not doing good on there work can go to,or just don't like the environment at the high school,with me its both.
Before this semester started the last time I've been to a regular school was since 7th grade (I was in alternative school for the majority of 7th and 8th because of something I didn't do,not comfortable with sharing)
Then I moved across the way to the PLC where I started my freshman year.
I went back to the regular high school early this semester to be with my now ex-gf and also to bring "more of a professional challenge" to my academics. Big-mistake.
There was 100s upon 1000s of people there.. I couldn't breathe in the halls.. everyone was stacked up like roaches and so much noise.. it makes me shiver just thinking about it..
Plus I wore makeup half the time there. Surprisingly I didn't get much crap for it but I got the stares..
It sucks so much just thinking that someone is staring at you at every second.. my room is literally my only sanctuary being away from that kinda stress.

I also have stomach trouble,I have a large inflation in my lower esophagus and an ulcer.. eh don't want to say where,also have acid reflux,and I have stomach aches,every-day. Every single day.
The pain is so great... it feels like I'm being stabbed over and over again and I want to scream but I don't want anyone to think I'm crazy so I hold it in..
I've had stomach trouble since I was 7,and people didn't believe me around that time.. the nurse at my school always told me to go back to class when I would tell her,it was almost every day too,about my stomach aches because the pain would be too great.
Combined with my social anxiety ,when I have a stomach ache in class or on the bus it is the-WORST time possible..
Because I get the feeling people are staring at me.. which intern makes me more nervous,which then causes the pain to intensify..
I then sweat and tremble ,and I get to the point where I beg someone to kill me and end it because its so great..

I also have a severe depression issue.. where I overreact over small things like short replies,vague responses,rejection,etc.
It makes me feel like crying and crawling into a ball just getting an "ok" message or text from someone when I'm trying to be all close and stuff I guess..
I have sudden bursts of happiness,sadness,and emotionless times. They happen so frequent and it drives me insane. One minute I'm inspired and glad to be on this world,the next I am upset and want to die... even get the feeling from small things as mentioned above..

So yeah thats an introduction to me.. sorry if it was really long and stuff :/

P.S: Idk if anyone else has this but I have a bad OCD issues where I CAN'T STAND it when my hands are dry,like when I clench my hands,and feel nothing but dryness it makes me feel really uncomfortable and I shiver.. I always have a habit of running to the bathroom just to wet my hands and come back to whatever I was doing only to have it happen again.. its odd..
Any thoughts?

Thank you for the people that read this all the way through.. <:

 

[MikeyC]

Welcome to the forum, Sam.

Sounds like the stomach pains could be that ulcer or something. Have you been checked by a doctor? It could also be the result of anxiety - constantly tensing your muscles in your stomach can't be good.

It also sounds like you might be bi-polar, with your wild mood changes.

Welcome here.

 

[SamTheSammich]

Thank you!
And I have,and I have had both a colonoscopy and upper GI Endoscopy two months ago (it went very well surprisingly,didn't feel a thing and don't remember anything,I was scared to the point of fainting before the procedure). That's when they found out about the ulcer and the inflation. I take meds for it but unfortunately I forget .. Not used to taking meds tbh.
I know my gastroenterologist told me I have minor issues like gastritis among other things but those two stated above where the only things that should be focused on.

Thats what happens a lot too,I tense my muscles to clench my hands hard to try and get over the pain but its hard.. especially when I'm on the bus,having to wait for a bathroom.

I hope I'm not, I know my doctor suggested I should see somebody about my emotional trouble ,and he recommended a few places but my mom hasn't called anyone.. its just like trying to get my driver's permit,I've been waiting for a year for my mom to take me and she wont and I bring it up to her at least once a month.

 

[MikeyC]

I've never had a colonoscopy, but I think they knock you out beforehand. Perhaps that's what happened to you? Hopefully the meds you're taking help with alleviating over a decade of stomach pain!

Good luck with the driver's licence. If you keep hounding your mum, she should eventually do it.

 

[Silatuyok]

Welcome! I have the dry hand issue too. I think there's a thread about it here somewhere...
This is a good place to meet people with all kinds of funny quirks.

 

[SamTheSammich]

Yeah thats what they did,they gave me anesthesia ,best nap I ever had in my life haha.
And I hope so too,I think I should set an alarm for every morning and night to take it,trouble is on days I'm off from school I have a bad sleep schedule (waking up at like 3pm-5pm and going to bed at around 6am-7am,sometimes even worse schedules like going to bed at 2pm and waking up at 11pm or 12 am) ,so thats kinda the reason why I forget to take them :/

and thanks ,its hard to do so because I hate bothering people you know? Especially my mom.. she just always seems grumpy and angry about something so I don't even bother .-.

 

[SamTheSammich]

Thanks! And yeah I found a thread on these forums a couple of days ago about it,thats how I found this place and then signed up to find others like me
It seems to be my kinda place!

 

[gummybear22]

i really like your username lol it's so cute
have you tried taking a small thing of lotion with you for your hand dryness? dab a bit on when they get on your nerves and it should help for some time

 

[Srijita52]

Hello Sam, welcome to SPW. I'm sorry you're going through all this, really hope you get the help you need.

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

 

[laure15]

Welcome to the forum!

I recommend using lotion for your hands and specific types of yoga for stomach pains.

My anxiety also worsens in crowded places. In packed cafeterias, I find myself getting very nervous and sometimes have to ask my friend to get me silverware at the front.

 

[SamTheSammich]

@gummybear
Thank you! :3 and I think that's what I should do but the problem is I forget to grab any at the store while I'm out,very rare though since I never get taken anywhere ._. Ill keep it in mind though!

@ Srijita
Thank you very much! I hope so too, and I really do believe this forum can help out

@Coyote
Hello and thanks!

 

[SamTheSammich]

@Laure
Thanks! and I shall,yoga though I've actually kinda wanted to do but.. the thing is I'm like REALLY scared my brother,or mom or someone else would walk in on me and be like "wtf are you doing sam" *awkward mode activates* same with singing,I want to sing but I can't in this house with the people,don't want them to hear me .-.
I know the feel! I use to have to get my friend to get me my tray and tell the lunch lady real quick hes getting my plate and I'd pay for it.
Its hard enough at the PLC but at the regular high school I REFUSED to even go up to the lunch line to get something to eat

 

[Phoenixx]

Welcome to the forum, Sam! I, too, deal with stomach ulcers and acid reflux from time to time. It used to be worse when I was in my early teens (Anxiety does not help with it at all, for sure. Makes it loads worse), but I've finally been finding much more relief with it through diet changes. Meds never worked with me for that issue.

Are you almost finished with school? It'll be great to go to college, it's nothing like high school and I reckon you'll enjoy it a lot more.

 

[SamTheSammich]

Its great to be here!
I'm glad to see someone else know how it feels. Its gotten really bad for me over these years,the worst part is when in the morning,literally 5 minutes before bus pulls up to my house,the pain comes in. Then I end up either staying out of school or holding it in and suffering tremendous pain throughout the ride to school. I even tried waking up earlier ,as early as 5am just to deal with the situation before I have to go but even then nothing. It ALWAYS happens 5 minutes before,no matter how early I wake up I can't catch up with the aches and take care of it.
I really want to change my diet! But usually the only food I have is junk food like pizza,hotpockets,greasy food,bread with any kind of peanut butter,cheese etc.
VERY rarely do we get salads or fruit in the fridge,and even then half the time I don't eat it not because I don't want to .. I guess Im just not motivated or used to eating so much of it you know?
And yes soon,this is my junior year,only have this coming semester then next year and I'll be done
Oh I know so from experience! I went on a field trip a couple of months ago to Columbus State University in the art classes,and it was a great experience. The people there were right up my alley and seemed the kind I could definitely relate to.

 

[Phoenixx]

Its great to be here!
I'm glad to see someone else know how it feels. Its gotten really bad for me over these years,the worst part is when in the morning,literally 5 minutes before bus pulls up to my house,the pain comes in. Then I end up either staying out of school or holding it in and suffering tremendous pain throughout the ride to school. I even tried waking up earlier ,as early as 5am just to deal with the situation before I have to go but even then nothing. It ALWAYS happens 5 minutes before,no matter how early I wake up I can't catch up with the aches and take care of it.
I really want to change my diet! But usually the only food I have is junk food like pizza,hotpockets,greasy food,bread with any kind of peanut butter,cheese etc.
VERY rarely do we get salads or fruit in the fridge,and even then half the time I don't eat it not because I don't want to .. I guess Im just not motivated or used to eating so much of it you know?
And yes soon,this is my junior year,only have this coming semester then next year and I'll be done
Oh I know so from experience! I went on a field trip a couple of months ago to Columbus State University in the art classes,and it was a great experience. The people there were right up my alley and seemed the kind I could definitely relate to.

^ Yeah that junk food unfortunately just makes it worse too. It can be hard to motivate yourself into eating new and healthier things when you're so used to eating the same things over and over again, and not having support from other people can make it all the more harder. It's something that really just requires a lot of hard work.

Hey, not too much longer now. You'll be out before you know it! :thumbup: So do you plan on applying to Columbus University?

 

[SamTheSammich]

Yeah it seems to be that way,very hard :/
and oh yes! From what I here from the art teacher at my regular high school (the one I actually like and is an art teacher) ,they really wanted me to enroll!
Because we had a bit of a presentation of peoples work from the high school and I had my dads portrait on display there,I got a lot of compliments for it even though it wasn't 100% done

 

[Phoenixx]

That's awesome! There's actually an art thread on the forum, if you were interested in posting your work or seeing anyone else's. There's some pretty talented people here, and I'm sure you're one of them too.