Great day turned into well not so great

[lonely_drummer]

Hey everyone, haven't wrote in here in a while and whenever things seem to be getting hard I always find myself typing www.soci..... So yeah if you don't know me well I recently just came back into society after spending a long time in the wilderness and traveling spending a good 95% of my time alone with my tent, stove and guitar. I came back to the city in September with mixed feelings but with high hopes. I find things have been going well, I keep trying to challenge myself with social interactions. I decided to really challenge myself and recently had a student hire me to be a tutor (I was a physics major in university). First off the student is a female which already made me nervous plus sitting there talking, trying to explain differential equations for an hour seemed pretty daunting. However, this morning I met with her and things went so well and she wants me to tutor her every week. Then after that I was full of energy and went and played hockey, great! Day got even better! Later I come home and a friend of my roomate (a girl I've been getting to know and like) was over hanging out at our place. So everyone goes to bed except for me and her and we just hang out watching movies. Then we ended up falling asleep cuddling on the couch then she just wakes up and goes on the couch upstairs and then i start thinking, what happened? whats wrong? Then BAM, before I know it I'm doubting myself, putting myself down, thinking of any excuse to hate myself, getting into that horrid cycle that keeps hammering you further and further down so that all you have left is to curl up and hide from the world and then tell you about it. Sorry for the rant, it needed to be done for my sake, just maybe a different perspective can bright more light to this. Right now I'm trying to say, you had a great day don't let one little setback bring you down

 

[Feathers]

hey drummer, it all sounds pretty great!! most of the %

'comfort before cuddles' sounds like a good motto...

some people are more touchy-feely and can touch/hug strangers too... (I don't know what KIND of cuddles were involved!!) she may have been just sleepy, yeah... (was there beer/alcohol involved?)

You'll find out more about this tomorrow/in the morning/next time you see her!!
Be generally friendly, maybe she was half asleep when cuddling, or when going upstairs to sleep proper... You can maybe tease her a bit... (depends what kind of roommates/flatmates you have.. maybe she doesn't want this to become general knowledge, so maybe you could be umm, discreet about it? or joke out loud, 'Missed you on the couch last night' dunno... or just talk/joke/tease her about unrelated stuff) Maybe you guys can hang out and get to know each other better...

Some people can also have avpd or similar, and may get scared of 'too much intimacy too soon'...

Wow, tent, stove and guitar - in wilderness!! and Physics!! - if you could get through that allright, you're bound to get through the mysteries of life with roommates/people too!!

It was either a start into something more, and your options are probably still open... or a very iffy approximation to 'one night stand' (or something like that) and the girl maybe 'got regrets' or whatever... (maybe still getting over an ex/someone else, or remembered it's 'that time of month', or a ton of other reasons could be a factor... it may have NOTHING to do with you!! if she likes you it's even more likely that she would 'run away' rather than 'jump into something too soon' - doing you both a favor, she probably didn't know if you were just sleepy/into cuddling or interested in her as a person too??)

Sometimes things can be err, awkward, after too much personal intimacy too soon...

YAY for tutoring going well too!!

Just keep living your life, do interesting things & be generally friendly: either this girl or another will be enthusiastic about you then!!

 

[Silatuyok]

Wow, that actually sounds like a great day all around! And hey, can you really blame a girl for not wanting to spend the entiiire night on a couch with another person? Doesn't matter who I'm with, I would probably wake up with a cramped neck or both arms fallen asleep and would have done the same thing. Just appreciate what happened for what it's worth, and don't sweat it---I highly doubt she woke up in the middle of the night and suddenly realized that she doesn't like you anymore, that's just silly.

 

[MikeyC]

The lovely ladies above have explained it better than I could already. She probably just wanted somewhere more comfortable to sleep. Absolutely nothing to worry about, my friend.

I recently just came back into society after spending a long time in the wilderness and traveling spending a good 95% of my time alone with my tent, stove and guitar.

That...that sounds awesome!

 

[lonely_drummer]

First off thanks for the replys. I woke up realizing that I was just overreacting and how obvious the situation is. I was just having a great day and one little setback could make that all disappear.

I'm just not gonna let it bother me, just like you said Marie, just appreciate it for what it was and I do appreciate that because its quite rare for me to get close with someone. I just fell asleep and so did she and we ended up cuddling, don't really remember it just happened. I think it's interesting because if I was awake that could never happen, I guess its just being completely vulnerable while sleeping and without any restraint coming from my mind, it just naturally happened. So yeah, I'm just keeping my head up, I feel good, feel accomplished after yesterday and I'm feeling positive. And once again I appreciate the responses, thanks

 

[lonely_drummer]

Well, an update. Last night her and I ended up on the couch watching movies again and things turned out quite well. We cuddled and kissed and just had a good night. I'm not stressing about where this will go, just trying to enjoy the now and I am. It's been a very long time since ive had this sort of interaction with someone else so I'm just glad to have felt it last night.

 

[MikeyC]

That's absolutely fantastic, mate!! I'm glad it's working out. Even if there's no future in it, enjoy the company right now.

 

[deleted #89]

When you have SA this is exactly what happens. YOUR THOUGHTS AUTOMATICALLY TRY TO SABOTAGE YOU. So the main thing that you absolutely have to do is to challenge those ides/thoughts. People with SA automatically go on paranoid/negative/victim mode. WE ARE LAZY WITH OUR THOUGHTS. What I mean is that we let the bad/wrong thoughts take over. Challenge every single thought and you will see a difference in 21 days....
( it takes 21 days to break a habit)


lol im so good at giving advice but have a hard time following them myself. lol

* Try Byron Katie's techniques...get her books.

 

[lonely_drummer]

Thanks Mickey! It's been four years since I even last kissed a girl so it was definitely appreciated. Thanks for the advice Mr wonderful, I've been challenging myself alot lately, I guess that's how this happened, I've been going about things differently so something new and unexpected occurred. I'm just appreciating what happened and that's it