MaliceInWickedland
Well-known member
…Well, as I’m sure you can all see, this is one of, if not THE longest post of mine yet and it will most definitely have to be separated into two posts (if not more, depending on how enlightened I’m feeling by the end of this.) If you’re willing to even take a second glance at this notoriously long and ball-scrunching thread of mine then all the power to you. If not, I don’t blame you in the slightest degree. I think I’ve done my fair share of warning you all so carry on if you dare….
So I’ve been MIA for a while now and in that time I've gone through quite a lot of changes in both my emotions and my outlook on this crazy roller coaster called Life. I feel like a completely different person – in both good and bad ways. The random but intense episodes of depression and overwhelming feelings of loneliness I’ve been experiencing for the past month or so just keep coming back and they feel worse every time they strike.
I know, I know… I should be the happiest person in the world right now having moved into a brand new beautiful home in a lovely neighborhood with neighbors who are decent hard-working people and not *ahem* obnoxious crack heads who spewed forth children with stalker tendencies. I don’t understand it myself. The last time I went through such intense onsets of emotion was back when I was an even more pathetic suicidal 13 year old emotional typhoon. It feels like the past is coming back to haunt me and take over my life in a mass hysteria of emotion that’s going to keep coming back until I finally give in to it and end up in a psychiatric ward, which I feel like I’ll be heading to sometime in the near future at this rate.
The only explanation I can come up for my depression is all the crap that’s been going on in the family and my life in general, although I’ve been depressed a short while prior to these things happening so I’m still not too sure. Either way I’m going to take the next... well, Lord knows how long… to vent what’s been happening so feel free to skip through these most cringe-worthy paragraphs of all-out emotional rambling.
So for starters, I imagine you’ve all (or at least those of you kind souls generous enough to bother reading any of my ridiculous posts here on SPW) seen me rant about what a backstabbing brown-nosed wretched waste of human flesh my godmother is. As if having her as a part of my family wasn’t bad enough, her bona fide lowlife of a son was released from jail a few weeks ago. He’s been in jail since before I was born. From what I was told he was a part of a gang and apparently he and some of his buddies owed this rich drug lord some money and they never managed to make enough money to pay the guy back so they all plotted a murder against him (my godmother’s son being one of the masterminds) and his buddies went out, shot the guy to death in his own home, stole millions, dismembered the body and scattered it, and it took about a year before the authorities solved the crime and booked my godmother’s son and his buddies.
Sounds like something out of a movie right? It gets more interesting though. When we went to my great aunt’s on Thanksgiving, my ever-so wonderful Godmother, who took the liberty of ruining our very much anticipated Thanksgiving through her typically bitchy antics, announced that she and her family found a new home. Where of all places you may ask? None other than the same city we just moved into, as luck would have it…
She lives on the opposite side, but regardless that news was dreadful for me and my mom because 1. My godmother is, and I shall gladly say this again, a backstabbing brown-nosed wretched waste of human flesh and 2. Her lowlife son that just got released from jail for plotting a murder is more than likely living with her and if and when my godmother tells him about how me and my mom haven’t been getting along with her he’ll probably want to do something to us, being a psycho murderer and all and having a leech for a mother who would love nothing more than to get back at my mother and I after all of our misadventures together.
See where I’m going with all of this? And believe it or not, the story prevails into further misery and emotional anguish from there…
My mother, deeply troubled and fearing the worst for our lives, grabbed my phone out of my hand while I was texting a close friend of mine and deleted almost all of my contacts. She made me swear not to ever give out our new address to anyone, not even my closest most trustworthy friends, and won’t let me leave the house at all unless I’m with her, and in the event that we run into my godmother while out on the weekends my mother will find a way to make us move elsewhere, possibly out of state, and completely change our identities. Naturally, people would say my mom is just being hysterical and saying things she doesn’t mean but knowing her, she’s definitely not f****** around with this. I can vouch for that.
I know this all sounds very far-fetched and I understand if you guys don’t believe a word of it. I can’t even put into words how much all of this is tearing me apart from the inside out. I’m home alone almost all day with no one to keep me company besides Gizmo until my mom gets home from work around 5 or 6. I pretty much lost contact with all of my friends and those whose contacts I still have on my phone are either too busy with college to hang out with me or moved out of state. My neighbors are all very nice people and we finally met the cute couple that lives right across from us last weekend, but I can’t talk to them if I’m stuck inside the house and can’t go outside without my mom around.
I literally have no one. It’s just me, my mom, and a schizo long-haired Chihuahua.
So I’ve been MIA for a while now and in that time I've gone through quite a lot of changes in both my emotions and my outlook on this crazy roller coaster called Life. I feel like a completely different person – in both good and bad ways. The random but intense episodes of depression and overwhelming feelings of loneliness I’ve been experiencing for the past month or so just keep coming back and they feel worse every time they strike.
I know, I know… I should be the happiest person in the world right now having moved into a brand new beautiful home in a lovely neighborhood with neighbors who are decent hard-working people and not *ahem* obnoxious crack heads who spewed forth children with stalker tendencies. I don’t understand it myself. The last time I went through such intense onsets of emotion was back when I was an even more pathetic suicidal 13 year old emotional typhoon. It feels like the past is coming back to haunt me and take over my life in a mass hysteria of emotion that’s going to keep coming back until I finally give in to it and end up in a psychiatric ward, which I feel like I’ll be heading to sometime in the near future at this rate.
The only explanation I can come up for my depression is all the crap that’s been going on in the family and my life in general, although I’ve been depressed a short while prior to these things happening so I’m still not too sure. Either way I’m going to take the next... well, Lord knows how long… to vent what’s been happening so feel free to skip through these most cringe-worthy paragraphs of all-out emotional rambling.
So for starters, I imagine you’ve all (or at least those of you kind souls generous enough to bother reading any of my ridiculous posts here on SPW) seen me rant about what a backstabbing brown-nosed wretched waste of human flesh my godmother is. As if having her as a part of my family wasn’t bad enough, her bona fide lowlife of a son was released from jail a few weeks ago. He’s been in jail since before I was born. From what I was told he was a part of a gang and apparently he and some of his buddies owed this rich drug lord some money and they never managed to make enough money to pay the guy back so they all plotted a murder against him (my godmother’s son being one of the masterminds) and his buddies went out, shot the guy to death in his own home, stole millions, dismembered the body and scattered it, and it took about a year before the authorities solved the crime and booked my godmother’s son and his buddies.
Sounds like something out of a movie right? It gets more interesting though. When we went to my great aunt’s on Thanksgiving, my ever-so wonderful Godmother, who took the liberty of ruining our very much anticipated Thanksgiving through her typically bitchy antics, announced that she and her family found a new home. Where of all places you may ask? None other than the same city we just moved into, as luck would have it…
She lives on the opposite side, but regardless that news was dreadful for me and my mom because 1. My godmother is, and I shall gladly say this again, a backstabbing brown-nosed wretched waste of human flesh and 2. Her lowlife son that just got released from jail for plotting a murder is more than likely living with her and if and when my godmother tells him about how me and my mom haven’t been getting along with her he’ll probably want to do something to us, being a psycho murderer and all and having a leech for a mother who would love nothing more than to get back at my mother and I after all of our misadventures together.
See where I’m going with all of this? And believe it or not, the story prevails into further misery and emotional anguish from there…
My mother, deeply troubled and fearing the worst for our lives, grabbed my phone out of my hand while I was texting a close friend of mine and deleted almost all of my contacts. She made me swear not to ever give out our new address to anyone, not even my closest most trustworthy friends, and won’t let me leave the house at all unless I’m with her, and in the event that we run into my godmother while out on the weekends my mother will find a way to make us move elsewhere, possibly out of state, and completely change our identities. Naturally, people would say my mom is just being hysterical and saying things she doesn’t mean but knowing her, she’s definitely not f****** around with this. I can vouch for that.
I know this all sounds very far-fetched and I understand if you guys don’t believe a word of it. I can’t even put into words how much all of this is tearing me apart from the inside out. I’m home alone almost all day with no one to keep me company besides Gizmo until my mom gets home from work around 5 or 6. I pretty much lost contact with all of my friends and those whose contacts I still have on my phone are either too busy with college to hang out with me or moved out of state. My neighbors are all very nice people and we finally met the cute couple that lives right across from us last weekend, but I can’t talk to them if I’m stuck inside the house and can’t go outside without my mom around.
I literally have no one. It’s just me, my mom, and a schizo long-haired Chihuahua.