Good excuse to get out of a social situation?

[Snowdrop]

I know it's not healthy to keep avoiding things you are afraid of but still I was wondering if anyone could advise me :/

Some of you might already know from a previous thread but I'm going clubbing for the first time with a few friends and a bunch of other people I don't know, it's for a friend's birthday. I've had a few opportunities to go before but I've always bailed out because of SA. To be honest, I'm dreading it.
I know I will feel really uncomfortable during the whole thing but I'm going to just bear with it. It finishes late at 11.30pm but I have a feeling it's not going to stop there, especially if lots of people get drunk.

A few of us are staying over at the birthday girl's house and she'll drive us back to college in the morning which is like a 45min drive away but the thing is, I really DON'T want to stay over, because I know there will most likely be more drinking and socializing and I know I will have had enough at the club, I could only be able to bear it until then.

So what can I tell her as an excuse not to stay over? I might go along with it next time but I just feel there's only so much new things I can handle for the day. It's super pathetic but I just wouldn't feel good at all if I stayed ::

Thanks in advance

 

[vj288]

You have something you need to do in the morning maybe?
Or that you forgot to do something I need to get home that night.

I wouldn't use the sick card, may make it harder to leave. Same with being tired. Oh, you could have someone call you (or say someone called) and you need to get home right away, or go somewhere else right away.

 

[Snowdrop]

You have something you need to do in the morning maybe?
Or that you forgot to do something I need to get home that night.

I wouldn't use the sick card, may make it harder to leave. Same with being tired. Oh, you could have someone call you (or say someone called) and you need to get home right away, or go somewhere else right away.

I don't think that would work 'cause we're going straight after college. Which would mean having to lug a sleeping bag, pjs etc. to college and then saying I have to get back, ask for her address, call up my dad at midnight and have him come collect me since it's 45 mins away. Sorry I should've mentioned that before D:
Thank you for trying
I need an excuse in advance, and tell her I can't stay over.. argh this is so stupid

 

[Kiwong]

I never give excuses I always say no.

You could say you are unwell, there is an element of truth in that.

 

[coyote]

"I don't feel very well"

covers a lot of grey area

 

[Feathers]

Well, you can go to the sleepover and it might be nice?
Is there another room where you could go and sleep, if others party too much?
You don't have to drink, again, make sure your glass is filled with water or juice or something.. You could also say your stomach is not well or something to avoid the drinking... How about if you said your parents don't let you? (It used to be true in 'old times' lol) You could even discuss it with your mom and ask her to 'prohibit' you? If you say you're afraid of more drinking, she might prohibit you anyway.. lol Though then maybe she wouldn't let you next time either? hmm.. Maybe you could say your parents are 'oldfashioned' (?)
Or that you have something planned for early next morning with your family (and aunt Sophie) or something like that, and you absolutely need to be there, no excuses? (You could ask if there are any plans anyway?)

Do you like the people who'd be there? Do you even know them?
If you really hate'em it might be bad, unless you could go sleep in another room.. (you do risk getting some toothpaste on your face or such maybe, in that case.. depending if they are pranksters or not?)
Do you have an exam or something next day, or in near future? That could be an excuse.. (unless they are your classmates and know your schedule)

The staying over is probably happening because it's better to not drink&drive..
Would your Dad or someone be okay with coming to get you at designated time?

 

[Snowdrop]

Thank you for your answers everyone I know it's a bit silly, when you look at it on hindsight it is just a sleepover after all.
But I don't know these people very well at all and I'm just afraid they will judge me, I won't have anything to talk about etc. When I'm faced with new people words just get stuck in my throat and it feels really constricted.
I think I can just about handle going to a club and dancing because it's dark and people will be distracted but for some reason the thought of a sleepover with people that I might not know leaves me feeling very afraid and extremely nervous.

I'm scared of being judged more than anything. Maybe it won't be so bad. Your answers have made me feel a bit more accepting of it. I have this big scene of how it's going to be like already in my head and maybe it won't be as bad as that.
I think the real words I should've wrote on here are the fact that I'm frightened of what people think of me. When people are dancing and joking around, what am I going to be doing? Mostly, I am scared of being seen as "no fun" or "quiet" and "weird".

I think I'll take this as a chance to experiment and discover my own feelings more.

Well, you can go to the sleepover and it might be nice?
Is there another room where you could go and sleep, if others party too much?
You don't have to drink, again, make sure your glass is filled with water or juice or something.. You could also say your stomach is not well or something to avoid the drinking... How about if you said your parents don't let you? (It used to be true in 'old times' lol) You could even discuss it with your mom and ask her to 'prohibit' you? If you say you're afraid of more drinking, she might prohibit you anyway.. lol Though then maybe she wouldn't let you next time either? hmm.. Maybe you could say your parents are 'oldfashioned' (?)
Or that you have something planned for early next morning with your family (and aunt Sophie) or something like that, and you absolutely need to be there, no excuses? (You could ask if there are any plans anyway?)

Do you like the people who'd be there? Do you even know them?
If you really hate'em it might be bad, unless you could go sleep in another room.. (you do risk getting some toothpaste on your face or such maybe, in that case.. depending if they are pranksters or not?)
Do you have an exam or something next day, or in near future? That could be an excuse.. (unless they are your classmates and know your schedule)

The staying over is probably happening because it's better to not drink&drive..
Would your Dad or someone be okay with coming to get you at designated time?

 

[Feathers]

Well, it's okay to be quiet and observe people even if you're out and about..
An ex-rommate said she used to go partying with her friends and mostly just observed people.. she said it was very interesting..
Also, you must remember everyone will probably be at least a little bit drunk, so people's judgements will most likely be kinda slowed down, and well, they are more likely to like you and everyone in this world
(There's a song that says, 'The more we drink, the more beautiful we are..' /sigh/)
So I wouldn't fear much of judgement in your case...
People will be too preoccupied with any good-looking guys or potential crushes anyway... (Is it just girls or guys too? If it's guys too, your mom might not let you anyway )

Honestly, the most obnoxious people at parties were the ones who were 'too loud' or couldn't hold the liquor, or became too 'exhibicionistic' for their own good (like guys with a bit of too much weight suddenly stripping or such - huh?? And even then, mostly everyone was just laughing!! Or looking away or such..)
If you just kinda do similar as your friends, it'll be okay, most likely.. Dance when they dance, or sit or stand when you don' wanna dance or are tired... Maybe have a drink in your hand when you 'just stand/sit' there.. (Whatever you do, don't start smoking - some people don't know what to do with their hands and start smoking because of that - uggh!!) You can also go to the loo/around the room - better chance to see and maybe meet more interesting new people too..

At a sleepover, some 'deeper' discussions sometimes occur, so it might be even cooler than partying.. You can talk about who has a crush on who, or what kind of guys who likes, etc. If you're afraid of any questions probing 'too deep' or don't want to let them know certain things, just prepare some answers in advance, to be vague and mysterious lol..
Or maybe it's just get-to-know-you talk, about interests and hobbies and favorite things/films/actors etc. You can't talk much when you go clubbing, especially if the music is loud... Just observe how others dance and be similar.. Or try to see if there are any goodlooking or nice&friendly-looking guys there and maybe see if anyone is worthy of your interest? Some books say to pretend you're a movie star, who's only in town for this one night... and smile at the room when you enter..
You can also observe who has a crush on who or such? If any of your friends (or friend's friends) have had a crush on someone for a long time, try to not come inbetween though.. (that is about the only thing that would really get a girl hated... if she 'stole' someone else's 'man' or potential crush/interest)

Overall, drunk people don't judge very much lol.. and as someone who's usually 'sane' you may see they might do even more 'stupid things' so you might find yourself the one who'd roll eyes or such lol... (or maybe give lectures if necessary he he.. if they're younger than you or such..) Otherwise, if you just keep it upbeat and give genuine compliments, and say uhm.. aha.. oh yeah.. it can be enough discussion and people may think you're a really good listener too!!

 

[Pacific_Loner]

I know it's not healthy to keep avoiding things you are afraid of but still I was wondering if anyone could advise me :/

Some of you might already know from a previous thread but I'm going clubbing for the first time with a few friends and a bunch of other people I don't know, it's for a friend's birthday. I've had a few opportunities to go before but I've always bailed out because of SA. To be honest, I'm dreading it.
I know I will feel really uncomfortable during the whole thing as I have always done with any social situation but I'm going to just bear with it. It finishes late at 11.30pm but I have a feeling it's not going to stop there, especially if lots of people get drunk.

A few of us are staying over at the birthday girl's house and she'll drive us back to college in the morning which is like a 45min drive away but the thing is, I really DON'T want to stay over, because I know there will most likely be more drinking and socializing and I'd've had enough at the club, I could only be able to bear it until then.

So what can I tell her as an excuse not to stay over? I might go along with it next time but I just feel there's only so much new things I can handle for the day. It feels super pathetic but I just wouldn't feel good at all if I stayed ::

Thanks in advance

Some years ago I would probably have made up some complicated plan to be able to escape this situation, but now I just go with the simple truth and life is way more simple like that. So in your situation, I would not hesitate to drop "I'm a little nervous because I don't go clubbing very often (or I never did)" when someone you like and trust is around: this way maybe this person will pay more attention to you and try to distract you if she or he feels you are getting nervous. For the sleepover thing, I would say I can't sleep well at other's places and I like waking up in my own things. I don't think there is anything in this that people cannot understand and accept.

 

[Snowdrop]

It probably won't be so bad :/ I will definitely feel very bad at some points during the night, and then at times I will feel OK, possibly good even. But I knew it would be like this from the beginning, I just wanted to think up of an excuse so that I could stay in the comfort of my house and not have to feel those array of emotions, particularly the bad ones.
It's just that I am so super conscious of how I act and what I 'should' say. I need to learn not to be scared of judgement, or think that people are constantly judging me...because they most probably don't even care that much right?
Thank you for answering really

 

[los77]

Maybe you should drink so it will loosen you up. I don't know how you react to drinking but when I drink I usually feel more at ease and more confident sometimes. Or you could pretend to be really drunk and use that as an excuse to not socialize with other people you aren't too comfortable with.

 

[Ignace]

I stayed over with friends, just 1 time. It was like hell, I was scared, even with my closest friends. 2 Days full of fear, boredness and all those other things. Go to the party and try to socialize, dirnking should help you with that.

 

[Snowdrop]

Thanks again for your answers guys, and glad I'm not the only one Ignace
I've decided to go to both even though I know it'll be crap :/