Going overboard with privacy

[theslowesthand]

I've been thinking about this lately. Is it possible to be so overwhelmingly private/secretive that you shut-out almost all possible avenues for social progress/healing?. It has become almost an instinctual thing for me, to avoid as much as possible all forms of social contact .. almost like i'm trying to "protect" myself from the dangers involved. True, there are dangers, but i KNOW they aren't NEARLY as bad as i IMAGINE them to be ... but still i stick to my habitual lifetime habits, unable to break free from the "safe embrace" of never having anybody even to occasionally embrace. It seems the "embrace" of almost total isolation, & constant loneliness, is what my soul seems to desire; F*CK my heart in this current life, only the hard road of my future "destiny" seems to matter... :sad:

 

[laure15]

It is possible to go overboard. Communication is a 2 way process in which both parties contribute info, but if 1 party decides not to share anything, the process gets stalled and both parties can't get to know each other better. In regards to stranger danger, it's important to use common sense and not reveal too much.

 

[Kiwong]

I think I should be more private at least on the internet.

 

[MikeyC]

theslowesthand, the fact that you recognise that you're a bit too private is a good thing, so now you can consciously work towards rectifying that!

In what parts of your life do you want to be more open? Social settings?

 

[theslowesthand]

My going overboard with privacy & "safety", has contributed to my current life of almost complete isolation. By "safety" i mean i think that i lost "trust" in people a long, long time ago .. so subconsciously there is sth in me that believes that i'm only truly "safe" (from emotional attack, ridicule, etc) when alone, at home.

MikeyC i really wouldn't know even where to start. I'm almost completely housebound, for various reasons. I've never done the "social" thing, not by any stretch of the imagination. My confidence with people (& women) was completely shot many years ago.
And i'm not sure if i even want to be less private/secretive, as it protects me from people gossiping, or judging me, and it is who i am - separate from society/community.
Also, being somewhat bipolar, i have in the past gone overboard on the brutal honesty, sometimes with disastrous results ... so maybe taking privacy/isolation to the extreme might be my way of protecting myself (preventing me from blurting out inappropriate stuff), as in those situations (esp if drinking alcohol) i often have had a hard time controlling myself (taking the humour too far, etc)

 

[MikeyC]

MikeyC i really wouldn't know even where to start. I'm almost completely housebound, for various reasons. I've never done the "social" thing, not by any stretch of the imagination. My confidence with people (& women) was completely shot many years ago.
And i'm not sure if i even want to be less private/secretive, as it protects me from people gossiping, or judging me, and it is who i am - separate from society/community.
Also, being somewhat bipolar, i have in the past gone overboard on the brutal honesty, sometimes with disastrous results ... so maybe taking privacy/isolation to the extreme might be my way of protecting myself (preventing me from blurting out inappropriate stuff), as in those situations (esp if drinking alcohol) i often have had a hard time controlling myself (taking the humour too far, etc)

So you don't want to be more open, but you don't want to be lonely anymore. Unfortunately, you can't have it both ways.

All I can suggest here is to take a risk. Be more open with people. You don't have to start off telling your life story, but mention one more thing you may not have done in the past. You said you used to be too honest, and now you're too isolated - a middle ground here would be perfect and I think you would benefit greatly from that.

 

[dottie]

very much relate with all you posted. it is scary putting yourself out there. it is one thing to not trust other people and another when you don't even trust yourself (possibly blurting out inappropriate things). i am the same way out of sheer nervousness, although i blurt out other things like... over-sharing... or a pessimistic view that is not necessary to share (kind of a killjoy). i blurt things out due to the pressure of, well, not being mute. it becomes suffocating when you don't even trust yourself. a heavy paranoia.

 

[theslowesthand]

So you don't want to be more open, but you don't want to be lonely anymore. Unfortunately, you can't have it both ways

This is simply yet another of my many "catch-22" problems :kickingmyself:

 

[theslowesthand]

it is one thing to not trust other people and another when you don't even trust yourself (possibly blurting out inappropriate things). i am the same way out of sheer nervousness, although i blurt out other things like... over-sharing... or a pessimistic view that is not necessary to share (kind of a killjoy). i blurt things out due to the pressure of, well, not being mute. it becomes suffocating when you don't even trust yourself. a heavy paranoia.

I also didn't trust myself to not (inadvertently) give people "bad looks", "the evil eye", or just portraying a general feeling of fear/hostility towards them. I couldn't help it, as people made me anxious, and i didn't trust them, nor did i feel much of a "connection" with others. I was never "angry" or "hateful" at them, but they may have taken it as such, due to my violent/scary/wierd eyes/vibe. So, i didn't trust myself not to automatically make people dislike or hate me ... so i chose to avoid people instead. I mean, it was such a huge effort just to not do this, for even the shortest duration of time, let alone form continuing friendships.

 

[coyote]

it seems to be the current cultural trend to share everything about yourself with everyone you encounter - this used to be bad manners

the thing is, what the Facebook generation tends to share with each other are superficial and/or trivial details, and all this really does is keep people at a distance so that they don't really get to know each other at a deeper level

so while everyone's "sharing" seems to be connecting them, people are probably more disconnected than they've ever been

 

[dottie]

defensiveness from being hurt/abused in the past... gone out of control... it is draining to suppress... i feel you