Getting over my girlfriends past?

[Tuukka40]

Okay, here is some background:

I'm 19, my girlfriend is 17. We have been dating officially for a year now, we have known each other for two. We were more or less best friends the first year of knowing each other. So I know her entire past pretty exact.

In the year span that we knew each other before we started dating she had three different sexual partners. She only had intercourse with one who was pretty much her first boyfriend. Then she "did stuff" (oral) with two other guys. One was her new boyfriend and the one I have a HUGE problem with was just some random guy she met one night, out of town, and has never seen him again.

Yes, I knew about this (as it happened) before we started dating. We talked about it recently and for some reason it is just eating me alive now. I can't stop thinking about it and it is driving me f'ing insane to the point where I'm just ready to break up with her over it. Can't deal with it, please help.

 

[Lamb]

What exactly about it is bothering you, an insecurity that she's going to cheat on you or what?

 

[twiggle]

Whilst I understand how this sort of thing may be discomforting (I have worried about similar things in my relationships), the only thing you can do is accept that your girlfriend has a past and what she did with it is her business, nobody else's.

The cold truth is that her past can't be changed, and somehow you need to find a way to be okay with that - because if you break up with her, you may be hard-pressed to find a girlfriend without a similar past.

If I were you, I'd share the extent of your concerns with her. She knows it bothers you, but does she know how much? Perhaps if she was aware how much it was getting to you, she may be able to allay your fears just by being open and honest about what happened, or why she did it.

 

[WishingICould]

Okay, here is some background:

I'm 19, my girlfriend is 17. We have been dating officially for a year now, we have known each other for two. We were more or less best friends the first year of knowing each other. So I know her entire past pretty exact.

In the year span that we knew each other before we started dating she had three different sexual partners. She only had intercourse with one who was pretty much her first boyfriend. Then she "did stuff" (oral) with two other guys. One was her new boyfriend and the one I have a HUGE problem with was just some random guy she met one night, out of town, and has never seen him again.

Yes, I knew about this (as it happened) before we started dating. We talked about it recently and for some reason it is just eating me alive now. I can't stop thinking about it and it is driving me f'ing insane to the point where I'm just ready to break up with her over it. Can't deal with it, please help.

I'm guessing you've done sexual things with other girls before you got with your girlfriend? If so, you have no right to judge her and it makes you a hypocrite.

I'm sorry but i've seen posts like this before and it p*sses me off that men think it's ok to have sex but if a woman has she's some how tainted. Either grow up or date a virgin.

 

[coyote]

you may well benefit from her experience :thumbup:

 

[Hellhound]

I'm guessing you've done sexual things with other girls before you got with your girlfriend? If so, you have no right to judge her and it makes you a hypocrite.

I'm sorry but i've seen posts like this before and it p*sses me off that men think it's ok to have sex but if a woman has she's some how tainted. Either grow up or date a virgin.

I don't know about the OP's experience, but if it happens to be true, then I pretty much agree here.

Besides, she wasn't in a relationship with you when she had her experiences, so why do you care so much? It's not like she cheated on you, she was SINGLE, she had the right to do what she wanted. If you break up with her because it bothers you that she had sex BEFORE dating you, that's a d!ck move from your part.

 

[Lamb]

If it was the fact it was simultaneous, it would bother me if it were the other way around. Regardless of whether it was in his past or not.

But, that stems from insecurity and talking it out would be the best option. I don't think breaking up with her is the smartest move.

 

[oldkentroad]

Speaking from having similar thoughts and experiences..

Make the decision about whether you want her as your girlfriend or not (past included). You can't change her past so don't spend time wishing she was different. Just choose to stay or go.

If you choose to stay, you have to banish this thought from your head. If you keep thinking about it she'll get to know your unhappiness and you'll end up splitting up anyway.

Finally... look at this from a future perspective. If you stay together for fifty years and have children, grandchildren... then you will have done everything important that people can do together. What happened in that one year before you started dating will not matter to you any more.

The guy that keeps the girl forever is the guy that wins. Those other guys lost. You still have a chance.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Okay, here is some background:

I'm 19, my girlfriend is 17. We have been dating officially for a year now, we have known each other for two. We were more or less best friends the first year of knowing each other. So I know her entire past pretty exact.

In the year span that we knew each other before we started dating she had three different sexual partners. She only had intercourse with one who was pretty much her first boyfriend. Then she "did stuff" (oral) with two other guys. One was her new boyfriend and the one I have a HUGE problem with was just some random guy she met one night, out of town, and has never seen him again.

Yes, I knew about this (as it happened) before we started dating. We talked about it recently and for some reason it is just eating me alive now. I can't stop thinking about it and it is driving me f'ing insane to the point where I'm just ready to break up with her over it. Can't deal with it, please help.

Rule of Thumb. Never discuss your girlfriends past sexual experience. If she had a boyfriend, assumed that she had sex. You don't need to know the details! Next time, don't discuss the topic.

You may or may not be able to get over this..........Good luck.

 

[Klonoa]

Protip: It makes the act of love less awkward since its not her first time.


THAT BEING SAID, she did her things, she's a teenager after all, but as far as I know, girls dont *just* want sexy time, they also look for someone to love them and respect them the way they are (correct me if I'm wrong).

If she dates you, she clearly saw something in you an had enough trust in you to tell you her past. Just deal with it and don't do or say something foolish.

 

[Marc7]

i say just take her as she is and don't worry about her past.