Getting a life from nothing...

[aj]

If anyone has done it, how did you get there? I've ended up at the pub with people I work with a few times now. Doesn't sound like much when I write it, but anyway, other than getting a bit more used to being in a pub, it seems to be pointless. Everyone talks for a while then leaves. I can't see where it's going.

On days other than those I do nothing outside the house, I have no hobbies and I look forward to going to work because I get to be with other humans.

Just wondered where you started and how you built something up.

 

[Richey]

I started going to the shops everyday just so i could be around alot of people because im always on my own anyway, in case i bumped into a new friend or somebody who actually likes me, because apart from that what else is there unless its a bar/pub or a concert?

i had conversations with people and joked with strangers, a sign that they were the ones to pursue chit-chat with but i could never get to the stage of asking for a number because it felt weird askign somebody youve just met ..

other then that, university is a place to meet people ...
sporting clubs, museums ...

 

[kayelle]

I started by just going to the shop aswell. Also being realistic about the amount of time it's going to take to build my life up again. It wasn't even talking to friends, I would meditate before I left and then once I was in a positive mood was able to go to the shop and smile and say thank you to the shop assistants and the cashiers.
Also, maybe you could get some hobbies? If there's anything you have any interest in, like writing or art, you could take classes in it. I would also agree with richie's suggestion of university...if there was a college or uni near you maybe you could take night classes? It means small classes with an intimate friendly group of people and you could develop an interest in a subject that you could work on when you're alone at home as well, it could decrease that feeling of boredom you're having.

 

[aj]

That's the thing though, I don't know what I'd want to do as a hobby. I'm not interested in anything. I guess I could have a look to see what's around.

 

[kayelle]

Yeah, check what's on in your area and then just go to something, you might find that you like it!
I didn't think I was interested in fashion at all but I did an online course where you got a second course for free, so I randomly decided to do a fashion design course and now I love it! Saving up for a sewing machine, and I basically spend my day knitting when I'm home for the day, so I'm really really glad I tried it!
I'm starting back in university in January aswell, and I'll be in a new class since I missed a year, so I'll have to try and meet new people too! Poop! :lol:

 

[weak]

I have no hobbies

that could be a problem..

 

[aj]

I have no hobbies

that could be a problem..

Yeah, I figured that.

I do like stuff, but it's pretty much computers and watching car racing. And flying, but I don't do that at all because it's fantastically expensive.

I don't know how the class thing would work out. I always hated things like that and just thinking about it makes me feel forced into it again

 

[tuxtux]

Hmm, if you like computers, what do you like to do with them? Do you know how to program? you could take that one up as a hobby, I did that and now I work in the field.
Or devote a partition on your hard drive to trying, and playing around with, various operating systems. Whatever you like.
Or do some design? Look into blender or gimp maybe, they're free. There's a lot of purposeful stuff you can do with a computer.

 

[aj]

Heh, done all that I've played around with programming (VB like everyone seems to, some PHP and the tiniest bit of C) but don't really know if I could cope with or want to do it as a career. Maybe I should consider it seriously - I did somehow do the equivalent of three A levels in IT at college.

I still want to be a pilot but as well as being expensive you need to have a lot of brains and confidence, which I don't right now.

I at least have a stable (fingers crossed) job at the moment, I just need to meet more people outside of it.

 

[tuxtux]

Not saying you should pick it up as a career if you don't want to, just a hobby. Perhaps learn Python, it's a really nice scripting language. (I've never tried VB, by the way, but don't miss it either, I prefer Scheme.)

If it's about meeting more people, would you enjoy playing chess, go or something else? There might be a club in your area. And if you're not interested in anything, you could try just randomly picking something and see if you enjoy it. Join a sports club? Learn how to draw? Learn a new language? A craft, maybe? Whatever, even if your new hobby doesn't bring you into contact with others right away, you have more to talk about in social situations. And remember, you don't have to be good at it, what counts is that you like the activity. I draw sometimes, and I'm really not good at it but I enjoy it nonetheless.

 

[aj]

Just to say that I do take in everything you write - thank you. I don't know. I just don't know.

 

[aj]

So say there's a person who I want to just get to know better for the moment, see them outside of work. How do I stop it being a date? Ask them to bring one or two of their friends along?

 

[aj]

But then what if they don't tend to go to the pub or just can't or whatever? Sorry, I'm not trying to be difficult, just trying to get a bit of an idea. I mean is it okay to suggest a film or something at the weekend but ask them to bring someone with them?

 

[aj]

No, that's okay. I see people every day and get on okay with them... but that's only sitting there doing our work. Never anything outside of work. I don't talk to anyone that much but it's quite cosy where I work, they know I'm quiet and they don't seem to mind me.

 

[aj]

It is quite possible to go through school, then college, then work, get on with people, but have nobody ever ask you to do something outside of that. Before you know it, it's five years later and you've lost a lot of people. That's where I am.

Maybe people just get the idea that we're not interested and that's that. Or maybe it's just that we find it difficult to let them know enough about us so they have no idea what we like.

 

[Jay Cataldo]

that could be a problem..

LOL

The first step is to think of something you might be interested in and then go find people who are into it. Take some classes (dance, martial arts, wine tasting, cooking, etc.) or go search for groups in your area on meetup.com.

Rule #1 Shut your computer off and get out of your house!

 

[aj]

Quite true. High school and before I had quite a lot of friends, after that it went downhill until I ended dropping out of uni. College was a huge missed opportunity because I was so quiet. Do you use facebook? I've never opened an account because I like being private but seen as everyone uses it i'm starting to think I should to be able to keep in contact with people. All my friends are drifting away into their lives and professions. Doing exciting things. It really blows being alone so much.

I use Facebook - I have 20 'friends' on there but they're only people who have met me at work. I'm not really friends with any of them, if you call a friend someone who you've purposely met up with outside of work in any way. I get excited when I have a message in my inbox, but again I only get talked to if I talk to someone else first. It's not Facebook's fault but it only makes you wonder more why people don't start conversations with you. I can say though that like being on here it's only been a good thing. It opens up another way to talk to people if you're okay with talking online, so you can at least tell them that you have a problem and let them know that it's not them.

LOL

The first step is to think of something you might be interested in and then go find people who are into it. Take some classes (dance, martial arts, wine tasting, cooking, etc.) or go search for groups in your area on meetup.com.

Rule #1 Shut your computer off and get out of your house!

It's really hard. I'm not interested in much. The worst thing is that I've always hated organised group things. Maybe it's just myself making everything hard, wanting to be with people because I'm friends with them rather than simply because it's a class!

I do like some things... I like watching motorsport, but of course if I go to a race, I'll spend all day wondering how to talk to anyone there.

I will have a look at meetup.com though, thanks.

 

[Jay Cataldo]

that could be a problem..

I use Facebook It's really hard. I'm not interested in much. The worst thing is that I've always hated organised group things. Maybe it's just myself making everything hard, wanting to be with people because I'm friends with them rather than simply because it's a class!

I do like some things... I like watching motorsport, but of course if I go to a race, I'll spend all day wondering how to talk to anyone there.

I will have a look at meetup.com though, thanks.

I don't believe you. Dude... you don't live in Somalia. You have 1,000 things to do in your country that are interesting and fun. Pretend you're a little kid again and learn how to be fascinated by new things.

Sit down for 10 minutes and come up with 10 things that you think MAY be interesting. Then go come up with a plan to find other people who like the same stuff.

Stop making excuses. And go to a dr and get your blood and hormone levels checked (also neurotransmitters if they have a test available for that). People who are chronically unmotivated and uninterested are usually suffering from a nutritional deficiency.

 

[SteveW]

LOL

The first step is to think of something you might be interested in and then go find people who are into it. Take some classes (dance, martial arts, wine tasting, cooking, etc.) or go search for groups in your area on meetup.com.

Rule #1 Shut your computer off and get out of your house!

This works, in theory. But I think the fact people are on here in the first place means that there is something stopping that from happening. For example, I have a few interests - cars, photography, music, drawing, reading, but the area I live in doesn't cater for it.

In general, the people in my area have no interests other than going to get drunk most nights or weekends. If they have cars, they are chavved up Saxos and Corsas and such like - mine are classics... Most people here like rap, RnB, dance and trance music - I like rock and generally older (80s) stuff.

I'm more mature, perhaps cynical, I don't drink and am certainly not outgoing or like attention to myself like these do. I like to think I'm intelligent as well, I type in English and nt ct dwn txt spk like a lot of people here do. It's irritating how everyone seems to follow one another, do the same things and have the same kind of tastes - it's common and not individual in the slightest. I might be my own person, but boy, do I get out-cast for it.

So, when I step out of my house, what am I going to do? Pretend to like what everyone else likes just to fit in?

 

[aj]

I am hoping to drive into a big nearby town when I can, and have a wander around. Maybe that'll wake my brain up and give me some ideas. The place I live in is a lot more rural than how I think of it.

I will see about getting those checked then. At least then I'll know whether they're causing a problem or not. They probably say I'm fine and that I'm just a lazy bastard.

This works, in theory. But I think the fact people are on here in the first place means that there is something stopping that from happening. For example, I have a few interests - cars, photography, music, drawing, reading, but the area I live in doesn't cater for it.

In general, the people in my area have no interests other than going to get drunk most nights or weekends. If they have cars, they are chavved up Saxos and Corsas and such like - mine are classics... Most people here like rap, RnB, dance and trance music - I like rock and generally older (80s) stuff.

I'm more mature, perhaps cynical, I don't drink and am certainly not outgoing or like attention to myself like these do. I like to think I'm intelligent as well, I type in English and nt ct dwn txt spk like a lot of people here do. It's irritating how everyone seems to follow one another, do the same things and have the same kind of tastes - it's common and not individual in the slightest. I might be my own person, but boy, do I get out-cast for it.

So, when I step out of my house, what am I going to do? Pretend to like what everyone else likes just to fit in?

In some ways I'm a lot like that. Speaking about myself personally it feels like an inferiority/superiority complex. Take drinking. I've never even been drunk and I wish that I could have a good time like that. The thought of doing it is scary. Yet at the same time I feel good that I don't go out getting drunk. Figure that one out.