Gentlemen, how do I talk to you?

[Blue Teardrops]

How can I talk to a guy without stuttering? What do I say? I hate it that I'm so shy, I say no more than two sentences to a guy and leave us drowning in awkward silence. I don't know how to communicate with the opposite sex. I get the jitters, blush all over, and look like a lump on a log. I am so awkward when I talk and in my body language. I'm a hopeless dude deflector.


Blah, I've created another pointless thread. No matter how many excellent tips I get, I'll probably always be a dude deflector. Pay me no mind...

 

[Thelema]

You and me both, sista.

It comes down to low confidence and low self esteem. It's a sort of chicken and egg thing where you need to feel good about yourself to be comfortable, but you can't get the self esteem without being able to talk to people.

You have to find a way to feel good about yourself and it will be easy.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

I have this problem also. Only, not just with men.
I've given this advice before; there is no given way that you must speak to a male. Your role in a conversation generally stays the same whether you are talking to male or female.

 

[Remus]

Stick your names on the MSN thread and practice?

 

[Thelema]

Stick your names on the MSN thread and practice?

Skype would be better. Talking in text on the internet is usually a million times easier for most people and it doesn't translate to verbal conversation skills. Learning to translate what's inside in to speech is what it's all about.

 

[Remus]

blimey, even I struggle with skype lol

 

[Dgs19]

im the same, but with girls, always have been

 

[iamthenra]

blimey, even I struggle with skype lol

Be brave... Very brave, and face your fears! LOL Haha!

 

[Remus]

I chat better in real life than on the phone/skype

its kinda weird and detached

 

[lurknomore]

I chat better in real life than on the phone/skype

its kinda weird and detached

I do better with face to face interactions myself than with phone or skype conversations... I guess I like being able to see the person's facial expressions and read their body language.

 

[Blue Teardrops]

Wow, I thought this thread was going to die. lol.

 

[Outshined]

Your role in a conversation generally stays the same whether you are talking to male or female.

Exactly.

...I struggle in holding conversations with people (girls or guys) in general, but I'd say talking to the opposite sex is always a little more intimidating.
You should be yourself no matter who you're talking with.
What it comes down to is being able to relate to the other person through common interests, experiences, etc.
Once you start talking about something you're both interested in, then the conversation should start flowing more smoothly and comfortably. As that happens, you become more interested in what the other person is saying instead of worrying about yourself. Obviously, that's alot easier said than done for people like us. If someone finds an easy solution, let me know. All I can say is confidence is key.

 

[Thelema]

blimey, even I struggle with skype lol

I don't think typing on the computer has very much carry over to out and about talking with people. I think the closer we get to real life conditions, the better the results.

I hate the phone too...Don't call me!

 

[Dudley]

First of all. Thelema - Judas Priest rocks, always have and always will. Just wanted to get that out there.

But more importantly, I have a story involving how faking confidence actually does make a difference. In high school 4 years ago, I was on the debate team. For those of you who don't know, that involves getting up in front of complete strangers (and sometimes people you know depending on where the event is) and giving a 5-minute speech, getting questioned relentlessly, and making another speech.

I am a lousy conversationalist. I'm shy, I stutter, I can't stand still, and I use too much body language. BUT! I found that if I faked confidence, the other team didn't stand a chance. During the speech, I would speak as if I were Winston Churchill or some other great speaker. During the questioning, I would look the other team square in the eye and THEY were the ones who tripped over their words and lost their place. During my senior year, I was the President of the Debate club and the team had a record season.

Even if I'm a lousy conversation starter now, I know that if I fake confidence, almost everyone will buy it.

Hope this helped in some small way.

 

[HidingOnThe4thFloor]

Well for starters, the "pay me no mind" attitude has got to go.

 

[Rxqueen]

I have this problem with everyone in general and men in particular....idk what advice to give you except to be yourself like everyone else says and try to make guy friends then graduate to a date, then if you're lucky you'll get a bf....but I wouldn't know if this works b/c I'm still in the same position as you...lol..

 

[Scrabbl]

First of all. Thelema - Judas Priest rocks, always have and always will. Just wanted to get that out there.

But more importantly, I have a story involving how faking confidence actually does make a difference. In high school 4 years ago, I was on the debate team. For those of you who don't know, that involves getting up in front of complete strangers (and sometimes people you know depending on where the event is) and giving a 5-minute speech, getting questioned relentlessly, and making another speech.

I am a lousy conversationalist. I'm shy, I stutter, I can't stand still, and I use too much body language. BUT! I found that if I faked confidence, the other team didn't stand a chance. During the speech, I would speak as if I were Winston Churchill or some other great speaker. During the questioning, I would look the other team square in the eye and THEY were the ones who tripped over their words and lost their place. During my senior year, I was the President of the Debate club and the team had a record season.

Even if I'm a lousy conversation starter now, I know that if I fake confidence, almost everyone will buy it.

Hope this helped in some small way.

Great advice! ::

 

[Remus]

I don't think typing on the computer has very much carry over to out and about talking with people. I think the closer we get to real life conditions, the better the results.

yes true but I meant as a first step for her to get used to talking to men and to know what we like (or don't like) to converse about.

 

[pandamonium77]

Do you talk to the popular boys?
If so, don't.. most of them are shallow and don't care about anything but sex
And that's what the slutty popular girls are for :]
I'd suggest talking to someone who will actually give a damn about your personality, and accept that you're shy and probably are awkward when you first meet them, and someone you'd be comfortable dating/hanging out with

I'm no expert, but if you're in a class with someone who looks cool *in your standards cool* and go make up something about homework and ask for their help, even if they don't know its still conversation and you can build on that, in return he may give you the casual "hey" in the hallways, or ask you for help with homework, and you can just make random conversation

 

[RND_CHR]

I'm a dudue. If you're talking to another guy, Be honest and genuinely interested in them. Don't worry about flirting, just treat it like any other person you've had a conversation with. I love talking to girls who are sincere. it's a huge turn on, honestly. The best advice I have ever been given is don't give any one word answers. if someone asks you a question that could be answered yes or no, explain why it is yes or no etc. And don't judge yourself, it's up to other people to judge how you are doing. Anyways, The more you do it, the easier it gets. Believe me. I don't know if any of you remember me posting about my roommate owing me money, and I was so scared, but I confronted him anyways. He is a pretty masculine guy and reallly good at socializing. He gets laid all the time. Yesterday, when we were ****ed up, he said how much better I've become at talking to people. He said I've completely chaged. I still get nervious. I don't know, yo can definitely change and you can definitely get better. I look for opportunites to be vulneralbe and put myself out there.