I'll turn 35 next week. I've never had a bf, cuz of social phobia. I've only had a few friends in the past and I currently don't have any friends. So my life has always been lonely and isolated. Most ppl think I'm weird and I am, cuz of being alone for such a long time. I did go to places in the weekends, but since Corona I spend most weekends at home. Since almost 2 years ago, I found a new job. Not much later, a colleague started to have a crush on me. Back then I had a crush on another colleague, but that colleague was 0 interested in me. The colleague who had a crush on me wanted to hang out with me and sometimes I dropped by and sometimes he went to my place. We watched Netflix together and had dinner together and so on. He's very caring, friendly, hilarious and smart. He's a real gentleman. I've always said that he can be the perfect friend. He and another guy at work are the only ones who talk to me a lot at work. Other colleagues never put any effort in it to get to know me. I have no charisma. Most people don't even look at me. Around a month ago, I suddenly started to have feelings for the colleague who had a crush on me, but isn't that weird and a little late, cuz I know him for almost 2 years now? I told him about this and he said: 'Well, I don't know right now if I still want anything with you, cuz I've been trying for 2 years to be in a relationship with you, but you always took some distance and I've noticed that you have things in common with my ex girlfriend. She was suicidal and only had problems. With you it's different, but sometimes you do have similar behaviour and that's what I really don't want anymore. You know that I care about you a lot, but there's more to it in a relationship. For now we'll just see how things will go.' I have my doubts about this, cuz to me this already sounds like a no. Since September 2020 we started to see each other almost every weekend, but in the past weeks he just wants to spend the weekends alone, cuz he's too 'busy' with chores, gaming and he needs more rest, cuz of his nightshifts and working overtime. Now I sort of feel guilty that I didn't have feelings for him earlier. I called him today and asked him what exactly it is that he doesn't like about me. I asked him if it's my odd behaviour or is my quirkiness annoying? Is it cuz I repeat sometimes what I already said before? Or is it that something is missing between him and me? He told me a few things, such as: 'I know that you wanna move to a city so badly, cuz you've never felt home in your hometown. You've had harassments from shitty people in your neighbourhood and you wanna move far away from your strict parents, but if a girl doesn't have feelings for me or if I'm not sure if I want a relationship with her, then why should I move the whole way with her to a city?' I completely understand this. He's okay with living in a village. He's very social and can adapt very easily. Plus he just wants to live close to work. But I feel that I belong to the cities. I've already wanted to move to a city years ago. It's just that housing is very difficult. He said: For now we don't have to change anything about our situation. We can still keep on seeing each other in the weekends if you want and we'll see what will happen in the future. I'm fine with that, but at the same time I have the feeling that everything is too late for him and that he just wants to move on in the meantime. Sometimes he doesn't respond to some of my WhatsApp messages anymore. It's like he's just not interested in what I say anymore. I don't know what to do. I wanna follow my dreams by moving to a city, but at the same time I don't wanna lose him. I don't think I will ever find another him. Is there any advice that you can give me?