Friends and conversation topics

[*Amy*]

I know this will sound a little selfish, especially if your situation is worse than mine, but it's something that's been going on for some time and I wanted to talk about it. In any case, there it goes:

I have a couple of friends from high school whom I keep meeting from time to time, usually to have dinner or just to go for a walk and eat something. The thing is, the only thing they speak about are their work, their studies, their family, and gossiping about other people. Not that those are bad conversation topics, but when all we speak about is that, I end up getting bored. I don't mean that I want to have really deep or intellectual conversations, but it's just that I honestly don't care about members of their family whom I've never seen, or about everyday trifles. Yesterday I went to have dinner with them and I was silent for most of the time, not because I felt shy around them, but because I didn't have anything to say (something very typical about me).

Of course I'm not thinking of breaking off my friendship with them, because I really appreciate them and think they're good friends. I just wanted to ask if this is normal, if you guys have been in any similar situation. I don't know if I am too selfish or demanding, but that's what happens every time we meet. Maybe I should just be glad to have someone nearby to go out with. What do you guys think?

 

[MikeyC]

Amy, I know what you mean. I've been in conversations before where people have been discussing/gossiping about other people that I have no interest in because I don't know them.

Specifically regarding lunch, I've dined with a few friends. In large groups, I try to stay more silent, especially if it's loud and people are trying to talk over one another. I hate that.

One-on-one is a little different. I had lunch with one friend and she basically does all the talking. If I try to get a word in, she'll start talking again and I can't finish the point I was making. I don't mind it, but sometimes I do like to chat about me for once. She's cool, though.

Another friend was wildly different. The last time I had lunch with her, I was telling her about a few things in my life that were going on. We hadn't seen each other for a little while, so I had a few things to say. As it was, she couldn't have looked more disinterested in my conversation. She barely asked any follow-up questions, barely spoke herself, and was generally submissive about our entire meeting that day. I left feeling like crap because I really tried to talk, and tell her some personal things, and she didn't even act like she cared. That will likely be our last lunch we'll ever do.

Anyway, I seem to have gotten a little off-point to what you made this thread for, but it's nice to get that out of my system.

 

[Kiwong]

That's why I have running friends. I can talk about running with them for hours, they get it, not a lot or people understand this decent obsession.

 

[Feathers]

Hm, Amy, I can relate a bit.

If you actually like these people otherwise and you've had some good times together, you can maybe try to think of some topics that would be interesting to both of you, ask questions or tell things about your life or what interests you - basically change topics when they get boring, or you can also say, 'yeah, right, you've told me that already/we talked about this the other time...' if they start repeating boring stuff... Or eg, 'Hey did you hear about...' or 'did you see that movie...?'

Maybe you could also do a different activity than lunch - eg walking/hiking or go to an event together, so you could talk about other things/the event...?

I've had friends who were only/mostly interested in themselves and their problems/everyday things too - you want to ask yourself if it's 'give and take' - do they ever ask how you are and care about it too? Is this temporary, have they been under more stress? Is a person a 'drama queen' who'll get herself into more trouble and actually 'enjoy' it while burdening you/other people.. Or someone genuinely nice and just in a rough time...?

Sometimes people just grow apart, eg if they live in very different life circumstances (eg someone is married, with kids, the other isn't) sometimes people stay friends even through different circumstances and learn from each other

Some things to consider... Hope you manage to find more interesting topics/activities and/or meet interesting new people too!!