For those who received put downs, bullying, etc...

[Jim_Bergerac]

My question here is really aimed at anyone who has SA from bullying, put downs, abuse, etc.

The parts of you that you are insecure about and maybe self conscious and fear negative judgements on, do you think negatively about these parts of yourself or is it that you believe others think negatively about these parts of you?

An example is this, I was ridiculed a lot in my school years for finding it hard to say 'R' words, people would repeat in a retard voice how I said a word wrong and then laugh. This happened loads.
I have kind of corrected the problem and feel I say R words ok now, but still have my doubts whether I say some R words wrong - such as bakery. No one has ridiculed me for saying an 'R' word wrong for over 10 years now but I still don't like saying 'R' words.
I feared saying any 'R' word because I feared being laughed at and ridiculed like I was so often. However I don't think negatively about myself for saying those words slightly wrong, I failed to see that it is a big deal, it is just a sound and so what? It wasn't me who thought negatively about this part of me, it is the fact that I believed that others would always ridicule me and make me feel like a retard.

I am just wondering if the parts of you that you are self conscious of or insecure or fear negative judgements on - is it you yourself who thinks negatively of these parts of you or is it because you believe other people will judge you in negative hurtful ways that you are so insecure and self conscious about those parts of you?

 

[BlueDays]

This is a good point. I don't personally think of the parts of me that were picked on and judged negatively by bullies as being bad.
If it was not those things, they would have found something else to pick on. I am only afraid that other people will find anything to judge negatively about me.

 

[yohannes]

I think bullying is one of the reason for my insecurity. There is also how I see myself I think that is very important

 

[davidburke]

i thought negatively about myself before i got bullied that just made it so much worse

 

[Noca]

I thought badly about myself after being bullied and abused.

 

[DarkSeeker]

You know, it's kinda of embarrassing when you're standing right next to someone who had a normal childhood and a real family that loves and cares about them talking about how great their last trip to x place was and that their 4.0 GPA got them a scholarship and that they are soon going to y to participate in some exciting research, while me on the other I'm just some dogthing who was molested, isolated, broken to pieces and treated like less than a slave by 2 sickos for 19 years, and that I don't even know how's that I'm still at Uni because I'm totally not even into the subject, got more than crappy grades and can't even ask anyone for help, nor do I even want to.

 

[Srijita52]

I definitely feel insecure about the parts of me for which I got bullied.It was mostly because my appearance,my innocence & lack of social skills.It made me feel very insecure about these things.I still worry about how I come across to ppl or if they think I'm lame/boring.I know I sometimes worry too much & overanalyse stuff but I just can't help it.

 

[nothingtofear]

At the time, and this was quite some time ago, I had very low self esteem and thought very lowly of myself. I didn't just think people thought I was a loser, I thought I was a loser. I didn't just think others thought I was ugly, weird or what have you, I thought that of myself. I spent as much time wondering why people treated me the way they did and wishing that they didn't as I did wondering why I was the way I was and wishing that I wasn't.

Now I'm still self conscious but I have high self esteem... meaning that I'm still very much bothered by the perceptions I think people might have of me, I still fear humiliation and lack confidence but I don't think any of the trivial BS matters and I know I'm not dumb, disrespectful, or anything else to be ashamed of and I'm proud of myself for being who I am... but I'm still bothered by what other people think, even if I think it's either wrong or insignificant.

 

[Kathryn.fr]

I got bullied for a number of things. Mostly physical things, like my eyelids being naturally purple, kids, even teachers made fun of me for having girl features and sh*t. Got beat up a few times just for using the bathroom, so ya. That all makes me feel badly I guess about myself.

 

[pingu07]

Bullying can make people go both ways, you either become stronger or weaker.

that really depends on how much you value yourself.

I been bullied before, been called alot of things, but because i know its not true, i dont allow it to get to me. and it didnt really..

but still, its never nice to be bullied .. but i always bring this to the attention of the head master. so they sorted it out!

 

[CZi]

At the time, and this was quite some time ago, I had very low self esteem and thought very lowly of myself. I didn't just think people thought I was a loser, I thought I was a loser. I didn't just think others thought I was ugly, weird or what have you, I thought that of myself. I spent as much time wondering why people treated me the way they did and wishing that they didn't as I did wondering why I was the way I was and wishing that I wasn't.

Now I'm still self conscious but I have high self esteem... meaning that I'm still very much bothered by the perceptions I think people might have of me, I still fear humiliation and lack confidence but I don't think any of the trivial BS matters and I know I'm not dumb, disrespectful, or anything else to be ashamed of and I'm proud of myself for being who I am... but I'm still bothered by what other people think, even if I think it's either wrong or insignificant.

^ Pretty much this, except I haven't gotten to the point of having good self-esteem, and I still don't like what I see. But then again I can't tell if my perception is reality, just in my mind or a little both. It's been so ingrained in my persona that getting rid of it is like removing any other primary personality trait.

 

[Lucy:)]

I think I took on other people's judgements and made it my own, is that makes sense? If I got the same put down from a few random people then it must be true.

 

[redmatter]

I think I took on other people's judgements and made it my own, is that makes sense? If I got the same put down from a few random people then it must be true.

Are you saying that they were right, or that you made their judgements your own?

What I've found, is that people create stories about themselves and other people. Those like us (I assume), get the short-end of the stick every time because people are low down when it comes to themselves and will say anything to look good for other people, so....... it gets to a point where people just carry on their idea of you to the point where they're all just as laughable as you are. It can ruin lives and really destroy people and families. This is heavy to me.

Now I'm still self conscious but I have high self esteem... meaning that I'm still very much bothered by the perceptions I think people might have of me, I still fear humiliation and lack confidence but I don't think any of the trivial BS matters and I know I'm not dumb, disrespectful, or anything else to be ashamed of and I'm proud of myself for being who I am... but I'm still bothered by what other people think, even if I think it's either wrong or insignificant.

Me too, but after a long career of being surrounded by ugly fools, respectful gets me nowhere and left for dead.... so I'm gonna be disrespectful a bit to those deserving, obviously, they're asking for it. If I I'm gonna be everyone's loser I might as well have a little fun with it.

 

[Apersonalan]

Bullying can make people go both ways, you either become stronger or weaker.

that really depends on how much you value yourself.

I been bullied before, been called alot of things, but because i know its not true, i dont allow it to get to me. and it didnt really..

but still, its never nice to be bullied .. but i always bring this to the attention of the head master. so they sorted it out!

I've been bullied and have been a bully (long ago), I've been very passive when it comes to being bullied because I have no self esteem but also just think bullies are having fun. Sometimes I have a poor attitude when someone gets bullied like "get over it it's just words" even though I know it's wrong.

I find people who bully don't care about getting bullied themselves as much as people who are compassionate and empathetic, it's a real shame it works that way but does.

 

[Lucy:)]

Are you saying that they were right, or that you made their judgements your own?

What I've found, is that people create stories about themselves and other people. Those like us (I assume), get the short-end of the stick every time because people are low down when it comes to themselves and will say anything to look good for other people, so....... it gets to a point where people just carry on their idea of you to the point where they're all just as laughable as you are. It can ruin lives and really destroy people and families. This is heavy to me.

.

I think I made other peoples judgements my own, because several people had the same negative judgement of me.
Some people just have no respect for other people's feelings. I think a lot of people are naive about how much words can hurt somebody.