Dark angel
Well-known member
(Sorry for the loooong post but I needed to vent)
... It gets worse and worse each day. I got this job on a temporary basis and now it has become a permanent situation. I started out here because after graduating I was pretty much lost on what my next step should've being( still quite lost but my goals remain unchanged) and after 7 months of slacking at home and getting seriously depressed because I was feeling useless I got this job. For the first 4-6 months or so it was nice, because it was something new, I hadn't work before in anything serious besides summer jobs or temporary ones, so I was grateful for this new opportunity. But eventually the routine, the same task over and over got to me but worst of all, is having to deal with rutheless co-workers that the only thing they do is gossiping behind everyone's back and de-evaluating people's moral. One of them is obviously a racist as she is always making derogatory comments of people of color and I have to withstand such disdain( I'm black by the way which obviously makes me angry each time)
Everytime this character makes such comments she tres to excuse her by saying that " I'm not included because my color is chocolate mocha". To me, this even more insulting. What the heck of color is that?!? No! I'm black and Hispanic and I'm damn proud of that, no need to use euphemism for something that does not requires it. The thing is that I'm not a confrontational person and I don't like fights. Actually, Everytime someone tries to insult me, my mind goes blank and I just stand there feeling like a bug about to be crushed. So, I barely never respond to such remarks until lately. The comments and annoying gossiping has gotten me to the point of exploding when i least expected( and worse, words come out without even thinking or processing them) Besides, that same person is very short-tempered and she tends to get angry by the dumbest thing you could imagine, it is safe to say that she thinks that the world conspire against her. On Friday I had q problem with her. Actually, i didn't she did. She informed me that there was a sale of several things in front of my workplace and that they were also selling shoes. I said ok and we kept taking about other stuff. Eventually she goes to lunch and this person comes back, she tells me the same thing about the sale. I made a sigh and I was about to tell her that it was okay but that I was really tired and that shopping is not really my thing but i couldn't say any of it because as soon as I made that sigh she assumed that I was tired of hearing her all over again saying the same thing(which it was not the intention of my sigh AT ALL, it was a sigh of tiredness) and she immediately blew off and said: " "Forget it and ain't telling you nothing more!!! " I was totally confused, i didn't meant anything with a simple sigh and I stood there in awe. I asked if I said anything upsetting and she went off and repeated: NOTHING!!! And in such fashion ignore me and turned on her back. I later told her that if I said anything upsetting that I was sorry but it wasn't meant it and she ignored me completely and didn't even turn to look at me. This is the same person who constantly categorize me in a new race that I knew nothing about and that has made racist comments to me directly. I decided to take my 15 minute break and as I walk out I started crying because I felt dumbfounded. Then, the crying was more of anger because I felt that I didn't even need to beg a pardon from a person that insults me in the form of jokes Everytime she can and for something so insignificant as a damn sigh. Right then and there I wanted to punch her. I really wanted to because I had some built up anger towards him/her for all the inappropriate comments that has being said for the course of two years. I got surprised at this desire because I've never gotten Into a fight in my life but If I went back crying and as angry as I was, I would have done it. But I didn't. I took a deep breath, walk over the office again, sat down on my desk and didn't turn around for the rest of the day. I mean, really I can't keep up working in a kindergarten. That phase of my life is being over for a very long while. I've had other discussions with this person over stupidities like this one. It is becoming unbearable. Not to mention, the abuse my co-workers used to have as they constantly didn't show up( all of them at the same time) and all the workload was for me and me only.
I barely want to wake and go there every morning, I always end up feeling tired and without energy and can't wait for the weekend to come as soon as it can. I'm actually dreading right now the thought of going to sleep as tomorrow is the same thing all over again. I've being uneasy the entire weekend and I couldn't focus to study for a test that I want to take in order to keep with my graduate studies- and get the heck out of this workplace-which btw I think I'm going to fail as I've been studying for it for months and 3 weeks before it I realize that I barely remember anything. Ugh! This is too much to bare on my shoulders. Each day I get more convinced that I was brought up into the world. Maybe the wrong galaxy.
... It gets worse and worse each day. I got this job on a temporary basis and now it has become a permanent situation. I started out here because after graduating I was pretty much lost on what my next step should've being( still quite lost but my goals remain unchanged) and after 7 months of slacking at home and getting seriously depressed because I was feeling useless I got this job. For the first 4-6 months or so it was nice, because it was something new, I hadn't work before in anything serious besides summer jobs or temporary ones, so I was grateful for this new opportunity. But eventually the routine, the same task over and over got to me but worst of all, is having to deal with rutheless co-workers that the only thing they do is gossiping behind everyone's back and de-evaluating people's moral. One of them is obviously a racist as she is always making derogatory comments of people of color and I have to withstand such disdain( I'm black by the way which obviously makes me angry each time)
Everytime this character makes such comments she tres to excuse her by saying that " I'm not included because my color is chocolate mocha". To me, this even more insulting. What the heck of color is that?!? No! I'm black and Hispanic and I'm damn proud of that, no need to use euphemism for something that does not requires it. The thing is that I'm not a confrontational person and I don't like fights. Actually, Everytime someone tries to insult me, my mind goes blank and I just stand there feeling like a bug about to be crushed. So, I barely never respond to such remarks until lately. The comments and annoying gossiping has gotten me to the point of exploding when i least expected( and worse, words come out without even thinking or processing them) Besides, that same person is very short-tempered and she tends to get angry by the dumbest thing you could imagine, it is safe to say that she thinks that the world conspire against her. On Friday I had q problem with her. Actually, i didn't she did. She informed me that there was a sale of several things in front of my workplace and that they were also selling shoes. I said ok and we kept taking about other stuff. Eventually she goes to lunch and this person comes back, she tells me the same thing about the sale. I made a sigh and I was about to tell her that it was okay but that I was really tired and that shopping is not really my thing but i couldn't say any of it because as soon as I made that sigh she assumed that I was tired of hearing her all over again saying the same thing(which it was not the intention of my sigh AT ALL, it was a sigh of tiredness) and she immediately blew off and said: " "Forget it and ain't telling you nothing more!!! " I was totally confused, i didn't meant anything with a simple sigh and I stood there in awe. I asked if I said anything upsetting and she went off and repeated: NOTHING!!! And in such fashion ignore me and turned on her back. I later told her that if I said anything upsetting that I was sorry but it wasn't meant it and she ignored me completely and didn't even turn to look at me. This is the same person who constantly categorize me in a new race that I knew nothing about and that has made racist comments to me directly. I decided to take my 15 minute break and as I walk out I started crying because I felt dumbfounded. Then, the crying was more of anger because I felt that I didn't even need to beg a pardon from a person that insults me in the form of jokes Everytime she can and for something so insignificant as a damn sigh. Right then and there I wanted to punch her. I really wanted to because I had some built up anger towards him/her for all the inappropriate comments that has being said for the course of two years. I got surprised at this desire because I've never gotten Into a fight in my life but If I went back crying and as angry as I was, I would have done it. But I didn't. I took a deep breath, walk over the office again, sat down on my desk and didn't turn around for the rest of the day. I mean, really I can't keep up working in a kindergarten. That phase of my life is being over for a very long while. I've had other discussions with this person over stupidities like this one. It is becoming unbearable. Not to mention, the abuse my co-workers used to have as they constantly didn't show up( all of them at the same time) and all the workload was for me and me only.
I barely want to wake and go there every morning, I always end up feeling tired and without energy and can't wait for the weekend to come as soon as it can. I'm actually dreading right now the thought of going to sleep as tomorrow is the same thing all over again. I've being uneasy the entire weekend and I couldn't focus to study for a test that I want to take in order to keep with my graduate studies- and get the heck out of this workplace-which btw I think I'm going to fail as I've been studying for it for months and 3 weeks before it I realize that I barely remember anything. Ugh! This is too much to bare on my shoulders. Each day I get more convinced that I was brought up into the world. Maybe the wrong galaxy.
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) Anyway you deserve respect so keep looking and I hope you find a better setting soon. Don't waste you're time at a place like this! (after your test