fear of having nothing to say

Is a fear of having nothing to say Social Phobia

  • Yes

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  • No

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jellybean

Well-known member
right so I was told the other day that having the job I have means that I wasn't socialy phobic and I began to question whether I was. I decided that it's a fear of not having anything to say more than a fear of people. This fear I have stops me from making friends and stops me from being around people altogether! Ive turned into quite the loner because of it. Anyone have this fear and what have they done about it?
 

theman

Well-known member
question

Is it that you fear you have nothing to say, or you fear that what you DO have to say is not WORTHWHILE for others to hear?

There is an important distinction - the former condition deals with an inability to access information from within. The latter is an issue of confidence and presence.

THe solutions to either would be very different.
 

RedRibbons

Well-known member
I worry about not having anything to say as well. Or nothing interesting to say, nothing worthwhile. It's a combination of both. So I end up avoiding a lot of people and situations, for that reason. I am a loner. I don't try to make friendships people, I run out of things to say.
 

4seasons

Well-known member
RedRibbons said:
I worry about not having anything to say as well. Or nothing interesting to say, nothing worthwhile. It's a combination of both. So I end up avoiding a lot of people and situations, for that reason. I am a loner. I don't try to make friendships people, I run out of things to say.
Yeah thats pretty much my problem described perfectly.

Sometimes at work theres a girl on cash next to me that i would like to talk to and every day i tell myself "next time suck it up and talk to her" but every time i draw a complete blank and if i do think of something it took me forever to think of it and i get to afraid to say it haha.

But yeah i think not having anything to say is a degree of social phobia.
 

eR1k

Active member
RedRibbons said:
But yeah i think not having anything to say is a degree of social phobia.

I think it's also due to a lack of communication skills caused by to little social experience, which is the other important factor in this equation.
 

4seasons

Well-known member
Well yeah, its like a chain reaction. It start with you not talking to people or not having anything to say, this leads to poor social skills which makes it worse.
 

dottie

Well-known member
i understand about your job. i am a waitress and most people would probably assume that means i could not be a socialphobe. wrong. it just means i push myself and cope, hanging on by a thread. it is the most stressful, anxiety inducing thing in the world but i do it anyways. some of us push ourselves while others of us use it as an excuse to not do anything. and i have been in that position of not doing anything for many years, so i'm not above it. i'm just in a different position of coping now, or coming to accept that self responsibility is not something that can be evaded forever. so yeah, it doesn't matter what your job is, you can be a socialphobe.
 

jellybean

Well-known member
thanks guys, in response I feel that I have nothing to say and then the things that I do say aren't entertaining, fun enough. I even feel like this around my family! I know that there are people who want to be friends with me but I close myself off and keep these walls up around me incase they "find" out that Im not worthwhile. I have a very good front up and to meet me you would never know I feel like this, or you would never know I could feel like this. From the outside all looks well but inside I feel the torment of wanting to be a loner and being then being lonely :(
 

eR1k

Active member
dottie said:
i understand about your job. i am a waitress and most people would probably assume that means i could not be a socialphobe. wrong. it just means i push myself and cope, hanging on by a thread. it is the most stressful, anxiety inducing thing in the world but i do it anyways. some of us push ourselves while others of us use it as an excuse to not do anything. and i have been in that position of not doing anything for many years, so i'm not above it. i'm just in a different position of coping now, or coming to accept that self responsibility is not something that can be evaded forever. so yeah, it doesn't matter what your job is, you can be a socialphobe.
I find you very brave for choosing to hang on and cope with the situation rather than to evade it. It doesn't matter where you stand in life, choosing to accept the situation and doing your best to improve your situation makes you an absolute winner in my eyes. It takes courage and I believe when in the end, even if we don't make it all the way, we are a better and happier person than if we never tried to really live and evade all unpleasent things in life.
 

RedRibbons

Well-known member
eR1k said:
RedRibbons said:
But yeah i think not having anything to say is a degree of social phobia.

I think it's also due to a lack of communication skills caused by to little social experience, which is the other important factor in this equation.

;o I didn't say that. lol.
 

hartbrokenvirgo

Well-known member
I feel so at home here.I have this problem myself.I feel that im a boring peroson and i wont say anything that interest a person.thats why i never spend time with a friend one on one i always have to be in a group situation.
 

Argamemnon

Well-known member
I'm usually interested in things most people find boring, or that's my perception. Reading about religion, history and politics for example. I can't imagine starting a conversation on religion with the girl of your dreams. "Did you know that in Judaism..." :lol:
 
Argamemnon said:
I'm usually interested in things most people find boring, or that's my perception. Reading about religion, history and politics for example. I can't imagine starting a conversation on religion with the girl of your dreams. "Did you know that in Judaism..." :lol:

or "Do you believe in free will?" :p
 

Lewis

Member
dottie said:
i understand about your job. i am a waitress and most people would probably assume that means i could not be a socialphobe. wrong. it just means i push myself and cope, hanging on by a thread. it is the most stressful, anxiety inducing thing in the world but i do it anyways. some of us push ourselves while others of us use it as an excuse to not do anything. and i have been in that position of not doing anything for many years, so i'm not above it. i'm just in a different position of coping now, or coming to accept that self responsibility is not something that can be evaded forever. so yeah, it doesn't matter what your job is, you can be a socialphobe.

just wanted to add that I think this is really amazing and brave too....and that, the people at your work may have absolutely no idea the battle going on inside you and may not see your strength, but I want you to know that to most of us SA-ers you are an absolute legend!!!


argamemnon said:
I'm usually interested in things most people find boring, or that's my perception. Reading about religion, history and politics for example. I can't imagine starting a conversation on religion with the girl of your dreams. "Did you know that in Judaism..."

and argamemnon, I wish you worked where I worked!!! Then I might finally have someone to talk to about interesting stuff, other than cars and how wasted everybody got last night!!!
 

dottie

Well-known member
thanks, lewis and erik. no one in real life understands my struggle. it is nice to have people who understand it and appreciate the effort. :)

ps: it is *them* who are the boring ones
 
lol, this thread reminds me of this very strange experience I had with a co-worker. He was a very outgoing guy who thought he was the world's greatest comedian. I thought he was rude and arrogant actually...Every time I ran into him at the work site, he would say "tell me something interesting about yourself, or I won't let you leave the room!" Then he would proceed to block my exit. I would very nicely attempt to say something interesting about myself, like my major at school or my hobbies or my trip to Europe or something, anything, remotely interesting about my life. After a while I would just draw a blank and could not think of anything else to say. I would stand there feeling confused and humiliated. But he was never satisfied. He would say, "No, tell me something *interesting*" and would continue to block my exit from the room. Finally, one time he did this in front of my boss, and I said "You know, I always try to tell you something, but you don't seem to think anything I have to say is very interesting. So I don't know how to convince you to stop bothering me. Do I need to make something up?" He was very nice to me after that. To this day I still wonder what he expected me to come up with, like "I've got six toes on my right foot" or something extraordinary like that which wasn't true. The whole situation was bizarre, because people say we have an irrational fear of being judged by others, but his behavior toward me indicated that maybe I really don't have a problem! Maybe it's self-centered people like that who are the problem, because they really do make me feel judged and defensive when I'm already hyper-sensitive to social cues in the first place. I wasn't phobic about talking to him, it just made me anxious when he didn't approve of anything I had to say and made me doubt whether or not I am an interesting person.

I actually found the experience helpful, because a couple of people have since told me I am "too guarded" because I do not offer information about myself. I had no problem confronting them by saying "ask me any question, and I'll tell you the answer. But I don't feel the need to talk about myself in great detail, or put on a show every time I enter a room." They laughed, and said it improved their perception of me for the better. But it still bothers me that people who I feel comfortable and quite open with actually think the opposite of me. I just don't know what I'm doing that makes them think that way about me. I mean, there are times, like in this post for example, that I think I am a very wordy person who has no problem talking about myself! But so many people tell me I am guarded or mysterious. I just don't get it.
 

jellybean

Well-known member
oh my God me too, I have to be in the company of at least 3!!! I get the fear when people ask me to go for a walk or something. Like today Ive said I would meet a friend for coffee and already the thought of it being awkward and me being boring is making me feel sick! I totally stay away from one on one's but it's awful because it mans that you never get close to anyone and then because your not close to anyone makes you feel like you can't get close to people etc etc etc etc :?





hartbrokenvirgo said:
I feel so at home here.I have this problem myself.I feel that im a boring peroson and i wont say anything that interest a person.thats why i never spend time with a friend one on one i always have to be in a group situation.
 

recluse

Well-known member
just want to say that i can relate to all of this, i mean the main reason why i am social phobic is because i am hopeless at making conversation. The worst thing is when i am alone with another lone person say in the work canteen and i feel so awkward and i know that they probably think i am boring, so the easy option for me is to avoid people. When i was in college we were given a shared working space, and my partner who was a girl told me that i had no clue how to talk to people and that i was no fun to be with which hurt me a lot. Also a girl said that i was boring.

My best friend was also my second cousin and i used to visit him quite often, but i haven't seen him now for 3 years and he only lives a 5 minute walk away! I gradually visited him less and less because i used to work myself up so much before visiting him i nearly fainted from fatigue. I used to get panicky because i used to worry about what i was going to say to him, and the last time i was going to visit him, i was so anxious i turned around and went back home. I feel really guilty about not visiting him because he hasn't done anything(no work, college) since leaving school ten years ago and i strongly suspect that he is agrophobic, because he only leaves the house to drive his mother to go shopping. I feel really guilty for abandoning him but i can't do anything with my social phobia.
 

Kien

Well-known member
I rarly have anything to say. I'm not interrested in much things so I don't want to talk about what the others talk about. And I don't do much things meaning I don't learn about things, which makes me not understanding what other's talking about many times.
 
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