Fear of being alone

[this_portrait]

I'm not sure if I've secretly always had this fear, or if it's a recent development. I used to enjoy being alone, but not anymore. I can't stand it. I'm afraid of being alone for the rest of my life. As painful as it can be to interact with people much of the time, I'd rather go through the awkwardness than be all by myself.

Does anyone else have this fear? I know there are a lot of people on here who are content with being alone, but for those of you who aren't, do you fear that you will be alone forever? What is your perception of it?

 

[NP88]

I love being alone. I hate not having anyone in my life to share things with. I hate not being able to form meaningful connections with people. I hate the stigma attatched to people who are not functional members of society. I don't know what the future holds. I do know in my heart that I will find someone eventually to share this journey with. Though to answer your question : As long as you have the desire to seek out others you will find them.

 

[Section_31]

NP's situation is more like mine.

I could be perfectly fine with almost no one else. Except my wife. If anything were to happen to her i would probably have a phsycotic episode and fall to pieces. Is it unhealthy to be that emotionally reliant on someone?. Probably. But thats just how it is for me. Without her id be nothing, and i dont think i could be with another girl afterwards.

In that respect, im deathly afraid of being alone, withouth her.

 

[Ms Cloud]

Does anyone else have this fear? I know there are a lot of people on here who are content with being alone, but for those of you who aren't, do you fear that you will be alone forever? What is your perception of it?

Yes, I've become more worried lately about the long-term effects of being alone (some of which are already setting in). It has always been easier for me to deal with solitude than to deal with incompatible people, and I don't think that will ever change. But the prospect of compatibility seems to become less likely for me every day. I feel like one of those people who spends their life searching for impossible, mythical creatures that exist only in legends.

 

[upndwn]

I used to be terrified of being alone. But lately something has changed, and I actually enjoy my alone time. People are just to demanding and egocentric to be around all the time.

 

[deleted #89]

This is from a book I read a couple of months ago...pretty insightful :

" You must make a distinction between two words: lonely and alone. In the dictionary they carry the same meaning, but those who have been meditating, they know the distinction. They are not the same, they are as different as possible. Loneliness is an ugly thing; loneliness is a depressive thing -- it is a sadness; it is an absence of the other. Loneliness is the absence of the other -- you would like the other to be there, but the other is not, and you feel that and you miss them. YOU are not there in loneliness, the absence of the other is there. Alone? -- it is totally different. YOU are there, it is your presence; it is a positive phenomenon. You don't miss the other, you meet yourself.

Then you are alone, alone like a peak, tremendously beautiful! Sometimes you even feel a terror -- but it has a beauty. But the presence is the basic thing: you are present to yourself. You are not lonely, you are with yourself. Alone, you are not lonely, you are with yourself. Lonely, you are simply lonely -- there is no one. You are not with yourself and you are missing the other. Loneliness is negative, an absence; aloneness is positive, a presence.

If you are alone, you grow, because there is space to grow -- nobody else to hamper, nobody else to obstruct, nobody else to create more complex problems. Alone you grow, and as much as you want to grow you can grow because there is no limit, and you are happy being with yourself, and a bliss arises. There is no comparison: because the other is not there you are neither beautiful nor ugly, neither rich nor poor, neither this nor that, neither white nor black, neither man nor woman. Alone, how can you be a woman or a man? Lonely, you are a woman or a man, because the other is missing. Alone, you are no one, empty, empty of the other completely.

And remember, when the other is not, the ego cannot exist: it exists with the other. Either present or absent, the other is needed for ego. To feel 'I' the other is needed, a boundary of the other. Fenced from the neighbors I feel 'I'. When there is no neighbor, no fencing, how can you feel 'I'? You will be there, but without any ego. The ego is a relationship, it exists only in relationship."

 

[MikeyC]

I love being alone. That may change when I get older, though.

 

[upndwn]

This is from a book I read a couple of months ago...pretty insightful :

" You must make a distinction between two words: lonely and alone. In the dictionary they carry the same meaning, but those who have been meditating, they know the distinction. They are not the same, they are as different as possible. Loneliness is an ugly thing; loneliness is a depressive thing -- it is a sadness; it is an absence of the other. Loneliness is the absence of the other -- you would like the other to be there, but the other is not, and you feel that and you miss them. YOU are not there in loneliness, the absence of the other is there. Alone? -- it is totally different. YOU are there, it is your presence; it is a positive phenomenon. You don't miss the other, you meet yourself.

Then you are alone, alone like a peak, tremendously beautiful! Sometimes you even feel a terror -- but it has a beauty. But the presence is the basic thing: you are present to yourself. You are not lonely, you are with yourself. Alone, you are not lonely, you are with yourself. Lonely, you are simply lonely -- there is no one. You are not with yourself and you are missing the other. Loneliness is negative, an absence; aloneness is positive, a presence.

If you are alone, you grow, because there is space to grow -- nobody else to hamper, nobody else to obstruct, nobody else to create more complex problems. Alone you grow, and as much as you want to grow you can grow because there is no limit, and you are happy being with yourself, and a bliss arises. There is no comparison: because the other is not there you are neither beautiful nor ugly, neither rich nor poor, neither this nor that, neither white nor black, neither man nor woman. Alone, how can you be a woman or a man? Lonely, you are a woman or a man, because the other is missing. Alone, you are no one, empty, empty of the other completely.

And remember, when the other is not, the ego cannot exist: it exists with the other. Either present or absent, the other is needed for ego. To feel 'I' the other is needed, a boundary of the other. Fenced from the neighbors I feel 'I'. When there is no neighbor, no fencing, how can you feel 'I'? You will be there, but without any ego. The ego is a relationship, it exists only in relationship."

Some excellent points there MR. Wonderful. I never really thought about the distinction between being ALONE and being LONELY. I have recently started to meditate again, and I think maybe meditation has helped me conquer my loneliness and have a greater appreciation for being alone. There can truly be beauty and wisdom in solitude if one choose to embrace it.

 

[Ms Cloud]

If you are alone, you grow, because there is space to grow -- nobody else to hamper, nobody else to obstruct, nobody else to create more complex problems. Alone you grow, and as much as you want to grow you can grow because there is no limit, and you are happy being with yourself, and a bliss arises. There is no comparison: because the other is not there you are neither beautiful nor ugly, neither rich nor poor, neither this nor that, neither white nor black, neither man nor woman. Alone, how can you be a woman or a man? Lonely, you are a woman or a man, because the other is missing. Alone, you are no one, empty, empty of the other completely.

This is absolutely true; I've been there and done that. The only problem is that you can't keep it up indefinitely. Well, maybe some people can-- but I think I'm approaching my personal limit after about 11 years. I can't keep growing and being happy with who I am and nothing else. I've hit a wall.

 

[Invisibleman]

Yes.I used to love being alone but the more time I spend alone its like my sanity is falling apart. I just wish that I had somebody a friend , girlfriend, anybody. It makes me afraid for the future,im afraid that il probably be alone for the rest of my life.Nobody really wants to be around a guy as dull and boring as me, they would have more fun at a box museum::

 

[Anomaly]

Let me preface my post by stating that I don't enjoy being alone in the same way that I don't enjoy breathing air; it's simply the nature of things and it isn't better than one thing or another because that is my standard experience. In similar fashion, I would very much miss air if it were absent for me to breathe, just like I would miss time to myself for solitary activity or simply time to unwind should it be taken away from me.

I've noticed a trend in myself over the last few years where I am attempting to be more outgoing, taking steps in directions that were simply of no importance to me before. It doesn't stem from any particular fear of being alone forever; rather, now would be a good time to begin laying the foundation for actual social skills that would be of benefit -- socially, monetarily, and otherwise -- in the future. Despite my failure thus far to sustain meaningful relationships with people, I'm at least optimistic, though perhaps overall neutral. It's not about achieving any particular goal (yet), but about keeping as many doors open as possible, be it marriage, a vibrant social life, and perhaps even a happy life. The current cost of investment is small; I would be a fool to assume my current outlook is immutable.

 

[Necrucifer]

I always thought I would never find anyone since I am usually isolated from the world...I end up somehow finding someone though as a partner anyway...As for friends not so much and I feel alone in that category...

Now since I may be having a baby on the way hopefully not a fact but if its true I will be more worried about my relationship status and if I will ever find a partner afterwards...As for friends...I want some but I feel I will never make any again...

I like being alone sometimes, I used to blow off friends just to stay home alone when they wanted to come over or go out so I would lie and make something up because I would feel bad if I said no but I regret that now.

 

[this_portrait]

There was a time when being alone didn't bother me that much. One time I actually spent an entire semester trying to make small talk with my fellow classmates and other people on my campus. I spent a lot of time alone even then, but because I was finally interacting with people somewhat, I wasn't bothered by it much. That's not enough now, though. I can't get by on small talk and just acquaintances anymore.

 

[AGR]

Yes I think about when my parents die,will I be alone?
I know thats an idiotic thought and I shouldnt think about it,but it could happen,I will be 25 next year and nothing changes,actually this year changed a bit,because I am socializing more at work,but thats about it.

 

[¯\(º_o)/¯]

I dont like being alone in the sense that I dont have anyone to love and love me back. Then I hate being alone when doing things like going to the movies, or eating out at restaurants. I cant really predict the way my future will pan out but considering my personality, the way people have reacted to me in the past and the things that I find interesting, I'm pretty sure I will be alone for the rest of my life. Unless something crazy came out of left field.

this is basically how i feel, i hate not having someone to love, or somebody that cares for me back. but i could live with out the a little better if i just had somebody to do things with. i love going out and experiencing different things, but its never fun alone