Errr..hello i'm still here you know!

[IcedEarth25]

What bugs me and makes me more unstable with myself is a social gathering, where a large group gets togther and i'm basically sat there listening to everybody else talking and not getting a word in edgeways, and when i do get the chance to speak the conversations already changed course and everybodys giving hard looks even tho i'm trying my upmost best to join in the fun.
Also when i talk to some people im basically the only talking and theyre like pretending to agree to everything i say and the person im sat next to they're getting on with better than me and trying to get me to shutup at the same time.
My social skills arn't up to scratch but for God's sake i do have a voice aswell you know, we all do!!

 

[Feathers]

Yes you do have a voice!

Sometimes the only thing to do is to be a bit 'rude', and just 'butt in'... (depending on the company)
My sis thought it terribly rude, but with some people, that's the only way to get listened to!

Or, you might need some less talkative friends/with different interests and speak habits?!

You do need to listen to others so you don't repeat something that others have said already.. If the conversation's already changed course, maybe you can talk about new topic then? (If it's not really so important?)

Some people also 'just nod', even if it doesn't mean they agree with everything! They may just nod to encourage you to talk or to signal they've heard you...

It can also depend on your (and their) energy level, and popularity of views... (some people don't like to listen to someone who disagrees.. though often those opinions are even more important than just 'yay-sayers' too..)

Take care & hope things get better! Yeah it can be frustrating, when you learn better ways, sometimes it can be rewarding too!

 

[Blabla..]

hey IcedEarth25

i know what you mean , you might not be with the right people if you don't feel like there is a place for you , especially if they don't seem interested in what you have to say , these kind of scenarios happened to me all the time , but i would usually sit back and enjoy the show , listen to the funny people make jokes and talk loudly . It's fun being a listener but sometime you might feel the need to be heard , you need some real friends for that

 

[MikeyC]

Oh, IcedEarth, I know what you mean, mate. It's hard to get a word in if you're having trouble fitting in. Sometimes I just sit quietly and let others talk these days - it relieves the pressure off me and I get to just listen and laugh if something was funny, etc.

What's worse is when there's a group and ONE person does most of the talking and won't let anyone else butt in. That's very annoying.

 

[Aletheia]

when i do get the chance to speak the conversations already changed course

This totally happens to me. I don't think fast on my feet, and by the time I've thought of something to say (and found an opening for it) it's too late. So I say nothing and feel like a spectator.

I find 1 on 1 conversations easier for just this reason.

 

[zav943]

I know what you're saying, I tend to blend into the surroundings so much that people barely notice me or talk to me.

Even the handful of people who know I clearly have social problems tend to do it. One of them is by far the worst. He ignores most of the things I say as if I never said them, talks over me, diverts conversations away from me.

Sometimes I feel he's doing these things to hurt me intentionally. He is generally much, much better with people and I suppose he derives confidence by excercising complete social dominance over me....only that confidence he (and others) are gaining doesn't come from thin air, it negates some of my own.

I know I shouldn't be taking things so personally, but I suffer from some kind of social disorder, and so what very little confidence I have is easily scathed by experiences like this.

I am 22, and for the remainder of my life I feel I'm going to have a very, very hard time. I wish someone...anyone would reach out and try to help me....

Edit: Feathers, you are pretty awesome. You always have something nice and inspiring to say, and for that I (and I'm sure many others) are grateful for you. Keep it up!

 

[MikeyC]

One of them is by far the worst. He ignores most of the things I say as if I never said them, talks over me, diverts conversations away from me.

Sometimes I feel he's doing these things to hurt me intentionally. He is generally much, much better with people and I suppose he derives confidence by excercising complete social dominance over me....only that confidence he (and others) are gaining doesn't come from thin air, it negates some of my own.

That's awful and not how a friend should treat another friend. ::

 

[w*n*c*a*m]

I know what you feel. It's like you wanna join in but it seems they don't hear you at all, or you just don't exist. There's this one time when I was in college, I was with my classmates and we're having a group conversation then I tried to speak and join in, but they kept going like they didn't hear me at all. But still, I gave some side comments yada yada... then one classmate suddenly noticed me and looked at me in a weird way. She said... "Why are you talking to yourself?" Then laughed at me. So it seems for them, I was actually mumbling and not talking at all. Oh well... just sharing

 

[IcedEarth25]

Thanks for the feedback guys. I think this all goes down to my negative attitude that i have around some people nowadays, its not only the fact that i work with alot of these people and whenever someone from work organises a social gathering, e.g. dinner, clubbing etc my first answer is a no, but then they question my actions straight a way with the famous word 'Why?'. I've never spoke to anyone else about this cause none would take any note of my social problems, I used to put it down to my autism, but i reckon theres something else thats making my social life go off the rails, could be SA but who knows.

 

[IcedEarth25]

I find 1 on 1 conversations easier for just this reason.

Thats very true and in my case i like being up to maybe 2 or 3 people at a time, if i'm with 1 person thats the best cause the coversation can go any between you and that person with no other interference.

 

[Invisibleman]

Oh lord I know what you mean. When my friends are talking(I use friends pretty loosely) I always just sit there so awkwardly and I cant get a word in.

I dont know if this happens to anybody else but to me its so embarassing.Its when everybody is just talking and then I try to join in with a funny comment or something and nobody hears but the person closest to me,and the person that hears knows that it was directed to the group. Its hard to explain but its honestly so embarassing.

 

[Imogen]

I have no social skills at all. I tend to let others talk over me, because I'm scared people wont like what I say, or how I say something, so in the end, people dislike me because I'm shy, or they think I'm rude, even if my friend tells new people 'She's very shy.'.

I think it's easy to be overlooked when you aren't super loud, or bubbly, mainly because people get it into their head that you're super quiet. Or I've found in a lot of cases, people think I'm rude. I have very few friends, and usually I'm that tag along person that people don't hate, but don't know well enough to like and a few people, that I now know better, have actually told me that when they first met me, they mistook my silence for me not wanting to speak to them, or they got it into their head that I was rude. Perhaps this happens to other people too? Like others around them subconsciously think 'Why wont they talk? Are we not good enough for them?' I find this is the case more often than not with myself, rather than these people thinking, 'Hmm, they might be shy'. I think it's human nature to assume the worst. I'm probably so very very wrong.


I kind of know what you mean, Invisibleman. I'll pluck up the courage to say something that's directed at a group and only one person will hear me and it sort of makes it...awkward, because usually that person doesn't want to start talking one on one because it's a group discussion.

 

[MikeyC]

Its when everybody is just talking and then I try to join in with a funny comment or something and nobody hears but the person closest to me,and the person that hears knows that it was directed to the group. Its hard to explain but its honestly so embarassing.

I know exactly what you mean here! Happens to me many times. I just forget I said anything. ::

 

[IcedEarth25]

Usually if none gets my attention i exercise my lungs by shouting and raising my voice to get attention, but that usually makes the situation 100% worse, the staring start and maybe laughing and i'm just sat there in a pale of red wanting to suddenly dissapear or walk out which i have done once if I remember rightly.

 

[Silatuyok]

The absolute worst point for me in a social gathering is when I realize that everyone is talking to someone else, and I'm the only one standing or sitting there trying not to look completely stupid and left out. This is the point where I have to fight back the tears, and I usually make a break for it.

 

[Aletheia]

So it seems for them, I was actually mumbling and not talking at all

Oh wow interesting.

I'm not always able to pitch the volume of my voice correctly, especially when I'm nervous. Plus I've always had this weird conviction that if I said something quietly, I'd be able to take it back if it didn't go down well. Yeah, I know.

It took me a long time to realize that often the reason why someone hadn't responded to something I'd said (even when 1 on 1), was because they simply hadn't been able to hear it. And people hadn't told me to speak up, because that gets awkward real fast.

 

[IcedEarth25]

The absolute worst point for me in a social gathering is when I realize that everyone is talking to someone else, and I'm the only one standing or sitting there trying not to look completely stupid and left out. This is the point where I have to fight back the tears, and I usually make a break for it.

The worst thing is being in a packed resturant or pub and your the only 1 standing there looking at everyone else and figuring what to say, it's always a step to make a break and make conversation but if you say something that the others don't think is appropriate or worth mentioning they make you look the joke of the group and the attention is focused on you for the wrong reasons...

 

[2QuietForThem]

I don't have anything to add to the original post; all was said just fine. This site needs an APPLAUSE button for posts.