Emotive Message from a Brazilian girl

[neohorizon]

Hi guys, i found this amazing and emotive message in a Brazilian site about Social Phobia:

(srry my translation)


renata
March 22, 2012 em 2:23 pm (UTC -3)

Folks, i dont have Social Phobia, but i would like to make a confession:

I dated a boy for two years. I noticed during all this time, he could not participate in any social activity, like going to a bar or to a party. When we went out, he spoke very little, stood mute. He never got a job and I always nagged him, saying he needed to work and that he needed to communicate more. He never seemed lazy and always was clever. I always told him that he had much talent to stay home.
Ditto his family, always nagged him. I do not know how he supports this pressure until today ...
But ..... A few days ago I learned that he has social phobia. I feel really bad and I feel like a villain. All this time talking and even fighting for him to talk more and interact more. I kind of went with stopping the relationship slowly. I noticed that my friends were pushing me to finish my relationship, and I gave in. I did wrong! That must have hurt him even more. After we finished he went to live in other city and I only hear any news from him once a year.

I would like to meet him again to apologize.

I thought it was something simple. But it is not.
I apologize to him and to all of you.

original: Como Saber se Você tem Fobia Social » Conte Aqui

 

[laure15]

This is an amazing message. I'm glad awareness about social phobia is starting to spread.

 

[LifeInternal88]

Thanks for translating/sharing. Aww...I'm glad the girl did eventually find out about it. It just shows some people aren't being intentionally mean when they say stuff; they just don't know you're different.

 

[Hellhound]

I'm glad she realized it, but I feel bad for the poor guy. He didn't deserve that.

 

[nightcrawler]

Great post. Certainly had me getting emotional. I hope she finds him. It almosts makes me want to tell those closest to me about my SP - at least it'll explain my sometimes strange behaviour, not going to family parties, and other things.

 

[OceanMist]

I'm sorry, but I don't see what she's sorry about?

She didn't connect with him. Maintaining a healthy relationship is about communication and social connection. If you can't connect with your partner on an adequate level, then you shouldn't be with them. There are better prospects out there.

It doesn't matter what the reason for the non-connection was. He had SA, well yeah, of course he did. The way she described him means he obviously was a shy guy.

If that bothered her so much, which it obviously did, then she did the right thing and got rid of him.

Her guilt is wrong right now. She shouldn't feel guilty about anything.

Nobody owes anybody a relationship.

She didn't "do wrong" as she said. She actually did right. She got out of a relationship that wasn't working. The reason why it wasn't working is really irrelevant.

The problem with her is that she just feels guilty, and nobody should ever get into a relationship because of guilt from breaking up with them previously.

If she gets back with that guy it will be the same story, they won't connect, they'll be too different, and she'll be unhappy again.

That girl needs a more outgoing guy that talks more and has a job. Then she wouldn't be whining so much.

Btw, the girl contradicts herself in the post. She says the guy couldn't participate in a social activity like going to a party or a bar, then goes on to say "When we went out...."? So he did go to a party or bar it sounds like. At least he tried to go out, even if he didn't say much.

 

[Falkor]

It's good that you realise social phobia might triggered his way of behaviours. But hey, it's good that you feel sorry for him, but are you sure it's because of the social phobia that you broke up? well maybe you don't like that, and you might feel sorry because you thought he didn't want to be going to a job, but it's good for him indeed to go somewhere maybe he should have told you then it would be much better communication, then you would have known why he wa slike that

well anyways, it's great that you want him back, but he must feel hurt though, but you are not wrong, if you are falling out of love it's normal but it does hurt but sometimes you have to make a painful choice that will be the right decision to go further , sometimes we have to go through those things

but i can see you still like him, so why don't cha give it a try, text him or call him and tell him you found out and tell him you're sorry, he must feel understood, and you can always be his friend

good luck

 

[SeriousJester]

If it wasn’t for a few minor details, this message would feel very familiar to me, since I used to date a girl who left me because of my shyness a few years ago, though she didn’t know I had social anxiety disorder (I’d never even heard of social anxiety back then, though I’m always wondering what it would have been like if I’d known about it and had been able to explain my condition to her). In hindsight I guess that the relationship would have been stronger if I was able to discuss my anxiety with her – but since she didn’t understand how serious it was, she simply got fed up with me not being able to ‘open up’ and thought I was just cold and uninterested or something, and we gradually stopped seeing each other.
Though of course I can’t compare myself to the guy in the message too closely, since relationships and breakups are too complex for straight comparisons. All I’d say is that I don’t think either of them was entirely at fault, but that the relationship might have gone better if she had understood his condition and if he was able to talk about it with her, as I wish I could have done.