Emotional Attachments......

[Dead_on_Arrival]

Do any of you easily develop emotional attachments to the people with whom you converse. By which I mean anyone who shows any form of friendship, compassion, caring, listening to what you have to say and responding to the things you have to sayas well as your thoughts and feelings. I have always latched onto people who behave in this way towards me. It's like a need for acceptance, somewhere to belong, someone to have near for reassurance.
I fear I may have done this here. I only joined SPW in August this year and I have posted so much that when I noticed it I looked back at what I had posted and realised that I was using all of you, some people in particular, as emotional attachments. I fear I may have put myself in the position of (This is gonna sound awful but I don't mean this in a way to make people feel bad : abusing the friendships I have made here for my own selfish purposes.

Does anyone else feel this way both in their real life and on here?

 

[Niteowl]

It's all right - completely understandable, especially with social anxiety and the acceptance that we're not used to.

To tell the truth, I don't. I've never had any of the sorts of friend that you share your problems with, and that sort of thing. I probably would if I did. I think my friends are great, but there's no 'emotional attachment' for that reason. We would always talk for hours about our shared interests, but we wouldn't, for instance, talk about our problems at home, or anything much of our private lives at all. I guess I'm quite slow to make friends, too. I have, and have had in the past, friends with similar interests - just not with closely similar personalities. I think those are the friends you would be emotionally attached to. People like us aren't used to having many people to call friends, and feeling accepted and a part of something, so when people show us friendship and respect, I guess it's likely we would form an emotional attachment.

I wouldn't feel so bad about it - I'm sure being emotionally attached to them is making you be a great friend to them, which everyone here could do with. I don't think it's selfish - great friendships should be about being there for one another, having each other for support and guidance. A shoulder to cry on, as it were.

 

[Dead_on_Arrival]

it's not that I've shared my problems with 'real' people, more about them seeing my mood swings and outward signs of emotion that have made them show concern.
I see it in my head as, the more they show concern or compassion to me due to my outward appearances the more I craved it and the more emotionaly expressive I became in my body language and facial expressions. In my head thats how I interperate my actions whether or not I was actualy performing these actions, which I don't know if I was. Did that make any sense? My mind is so confused.

 

[Section_31]

DOA, i feel as you do, and ive dnoe the same with past friendships. none of those "friends" i had are around anymore.

Do i think youve done that here online?. no. And even if you have, because your only noticing it now shows if it did occur it was unintentional. And its ok. Were all here for eachother, you included. Use us as much as yuo need man .

 

[Srijita52]

I feel this way too. I easily grow emotional attachment to people that show friendship or compassion to me. I've found sometimes its even unhealthy for me but I can't seem to resist this.

 

[Dead_on_Arrival]

I know this sounds absurd but this is how my mind is working lately.

The thought litteraly just occured to me that me creating this thread is actualy producing the same feelings of selfishness for drawing attention to myself.

I feel like I've got the little angel and devil consciences on my shoulders battling it out in an epic duel that neither will win, a never ending fight for power.

 

[Blabla..]

Attachments are strange , i developed attachments toward people on this forum , simply for liking they way they think and express themselves , without even knowing who they are really , i just admired them in some ways , but by attaching yourself you are expecting something in return , i expected friendship , and just ended up feeling bad. I'm just a stranger to them , they do not need anything from me. Why is it that when we see something that pleases us , we want to have it for ourselves , the only reason is because we feel the need to find ourselves out there , we constantly look for satisfaction outside , while in reality it lies inside .

 

[MrJones]

I feel horrible when I think I'm in that situation (which is often).

I never liked to draw attention to myself, but it seems like I've becoming... different in here. I feel like an attention whore often, I can never post without worrying about it. I can't talk to people without worrying about it. And it's true that some people are like "my favourite victims" when it comes to this, those I think of as friends, as I resort to them too often, probably. I feel as I should stop annoying other people with my feelings, as I should shut up, I'm just annoying them, I don't matter, I don't belong here... you get the idea.

The thing is, as Blabla.. said, I can't ask for anything, this is a support site and I am literally no one. I shouldn't get attached to people and I don't want to, but I do, I can't help it...

Maybe it's just in my head, but this feeling of guilt is becoming heavier every day, and it's extending more and more through other aspects of my life. And it all becomes slowly harder and more complicated. A rolling snowball.

In real life it doesn't happen, though, as no one even knows I exist hahah.... >.<

Attachments are strange , i developed attachments toward people on this forum , simply for liking they way they think and express themselves , without even knowing who they are really , i just admired them in some ways , but by attaching yourself you are expecting something in return , i expected friendship , and just ended up feeling bad. I'm just a stranger to them , they do not need anything from me.

Man, I could have written that...
It hurts when it happens, right? When you learn this is just the internet, people fade away quickly, nothing is real. It can become real, but it's pretty unlikely haha
I get attached to someone and I realize it means nothing. I am no one. This is nothing. Only fantasy.




And then again, I feel like I'm doing it again, but I feel like I have to do it, for some reason...

 

[coyote]

no reason to feel guilty.

the people you use are here for the same reason:

to use you or someone else.

 

[Silatuyok]

I'm not sure if this is what you are talking about entirely, but I certainly do form emotional attachments to pretty much anyone who notices me and talks to me out in the "real world." I begin to crave seeing those people, and I feel elated when they strike up a conversation with me. I even get jealous when I see them buddying up with someone else. There are so many women out there that I know, but who don't take the time to get attached to me, and I feel like a loser for wanting to be friends with them so badly. I just really, really, really want them to like me as much as they seem to like others. But I don't want to seem like I'm pawing at them for attention or trying to get noticed by them.
Ugh.
Anyway, I may be way off topic here, but that's what your post brought to mind.

 

[MrJones]

People are not using me if I want to help, they just want help and I offer myself to do it (if I can, of course).

The thing is that I feel like I'm doing "too much". I don't know, it sounds silly and absurd, but they are just my thoughts hahah

 

[Silatuyok]

I fear I may have put myself in the position of (This is gonna sound awful but I don't mean this in a way to make people feel bad : abusing the friendships I have made here for my own selfish purposes.

Does anyone else feel this way both in their real life and on here?

I don't think it is abuse at all if you are giving something back, and you clearly are giving back to everyone on this forum. Friendships and socialization would never have developed at all if we didn't somehow need to use each other just in order to survive. The key element is that you reciprocate.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I used to become attached to everyone I managed to know even a little about.
Everyone has a sad story - but unfortunately; I can't help them all.


Some days are different lately.
Sometimes I feel nothing for anyone.
Sometimes I get worried about someone for very little reason - without knowing much about them. Makes me sad because I can't do anything-- can't even give any good advice.

I think in general on this forum-- everyone wants to help everyone else in whatever small way they can.
So 'using' someone for moral support isn't really an issue.
On that point, I agree with Sweet_Marie very much so.

 

[Dead_on_Arrival]

I'm not sure if this is what you are talking about entirely, but I certainly do form emotional attachments to pretty much anyone who notices me and talks to me out in the "real world." I begin to crave seeing those people, and I feel elated when they strike up a conversation with me. I even get jealous when I see them buddying up with someone else. There are so many women out there that I know, but who don't take the time to get attached to me, and I feel like a loser for wanting to be friends with them so badly. I just really, really, really want them to like me as much as they seem to like others. But I don't want to seem like I'm pawing at them for attention or trying to get noticed by them.
Ugh.
Anyway, I may be way off topic here, but that's what your post brought to mind.

Thats exactly what I am talking about. The craving, the jealousy, and then it turns to guilt and angst.
When I do it in the real world and I stop and take a step back I can feel like a stalker, not that I am one (seriously I'm not).

 

[Dead_on_Arrival]

People are not using me if I want to help, they just want help and I offer myself to do it (if I can, of course).

The thing is that I feel like I'm doing "too much". I don't know, it sounds silly and absurd, but they are just my thoughts hahah

I must admit, I see it that way too. When I am giving whatever advice and support I can I don't feel I am being used, I do it because I want to help in some way. But when it is the other way around, and although someone else might be giving advise and support becasue they want to, I feel like I am taking advantage.

For me it is catch 22. A vicious circle.

 

[Dead_on_Arrival]

I don't think it is abuse at all if you are giving something back, and you clearly are giving back to everyone on this forum. Friendships and socialization would never have developed at all if we didn't somehow need to use each other just in order to survive. The key element is that you reciprocate.

Thank you, elequently put.

Everyone has a sad story - but unfortunately; I can't help them all.

Some days are different lately.
Sometimes I feel nothing for anyone.
Sometimes I get worried about someone for very little reason - without knowing much about them. Makes me sad because I can't do anything-- can't even give any good advice.
I think in general on this forum-- everyone wants to help everyone else in whatever small way they can.
So 'using' someone for moral support isn't really an issue.
On that point, I agree with Sweet_Marie very much so.

I know exactly where your coming from. It makes me feel sad to listen to everyone else sometimes. I have started to type replies in the past to try and give advice but have then cancelled what I was typing because I didn't feel like what I was putting would help.
And I also must agree with Sweet_Marie.

 

[MrJones]

I have started to type replies in the past to try and give advice but have then cancelled what I was typing because I didn't feel like what I was putting would help.

I do this a lot, though lately I've been trying to click quickly the "submit" button so I don't feel bad for it, just in case someone could find it helpful.

Anyway the problem is, if I can't help (which is often), who am I to look for help myself?


Anyway I think that your posts are good and helpful, you should try to click the submit button just after writing too, let's see if it makes you feel better

 

[MaxineRyder]

Yup I have experienced this. Sometimes its more fun to hang out with people I've never met before, as I have nothing to lose. Do you find that.
The problem is that you then end up having fun with the new person and become emotionally attached to them too. Then the next time you meet, its all high expectations, huge letdowns and another blow to one's self esteem
Ah well, with 6 billion people on the planet, you we could meet each person once and never get through everyone. So the good news is you'll never be short of new people. Just try not to get attached...
Easier said than done, I know
Maxine xxxx

 

[Dead_on_Arrival]

Crushes developed from an emotional attachment,
Healthy or not,? Discuss.

 

[ERose]

I make so many emotional attachments it's such a horrible feeling but when it needs to be, hopefully it'll be used to it's advantage one day. I have no idea how to deal with it, what other people think it and how I even control it.

Sometimes it's like a crave for attention, I don't know, especially when it's someone that knows the most shameful things about yourself, your problems and the things you've done and been through.

Starting college again and meeting new people almost puts me off becoming close with anyone, I've always said I'll avoid getting too close to people, and I think that's simply because I expect to be hurt because of my emotional attachments.