Embarrassed or ashamed for not being able to defend yourself?

[pjcarter85]

I experienced this a few times in middle and high school, where my first reaction to getting bullied and beaten up was not anger but embarrassment over not being able to defend myself. This happened particularly with a violent bully who took me to an isolated place almost every day after school for several weeks to beat me up, sometimes so severely that I had to hide the visible effects for days afterward. This embarrassment was the main reason I didn't tell anyone. Has anyone else experienced this embarrassment, and did you overcome it, or stop it while it was happening? How?

 

[Untamed88]

I know. I was so ashamed and embarrassed that I just let it happen. Its like you are undermining yourself and confirming you deserve it.

 

[Phoenixx]

^ Exactly. The feeling I had most when I was bullied was more shame than anger. I would get angry about the situation AFTER it already happened, but during the event I would feel so ashamed because I just couldn't stand up for myself. I'm still like that today too. :/

 

[Kat]

I haven’t had much of the physical stuff happen but times that I have been bullied (mainly verbal). Not to be sexist but when physical stuff has occurred it’s not right for anyone to be treated that way but being female something about being treated rough like that has sort of felt like it takes away my femininity.

I do feel ashamed to tell anyone about being bullied partly its pride and also I don’t want them to think less of me.

 

[pjcarter85]

I was also too ashamed to ask anyone to protect me. So I let it go on for so long... so much longer than it needed to go on, all because I couldn't ask for help. The first time he injured me, before he started seriously beating me, I should have walked home with someone else the next day.

I feel like I did it to myself. :*(

 

[missjesss]

If you have a stand still reaction to threats it means you are Introverted I have the same thing it fkn sux hey I am yet to discuss with my therapist on what I should actually do if I am presented with this situation again I guess it's the thing I fear most and is why im so cautious to avoid confrontations! I think it's the worst thing to be yelled at in public or humiliated especially when I would freeze up and go red not knowing what to say! :-( In high school when ppl would say **** I generally ignored them sometimes I would stick up for myself but my come backs were never any good :-( I did end up slapping this girl in the face tho after she picked at me constantly even when I did that I felt scared FKN WEIRD I didnt angressively attack her I just did one hit then I got scared was crap!

 

[Klaus]

If you are being bullied just CALL THE POLICE! That's a crime like any other, and besides the US have the best police of the world. Just arrest this fuc.kers.

 

[Aussie_Lad]

I was rarely physically bullied, but know the feeling of not being able to defend yourself. I was always the skinny weak guy at school, and with a lot of well built people there, it is hard to fit in.

After having a physical job, which has given me stronger arm muscles, I still feel somewhat indimated by blokes that are bigger than me. I even know that this is an irrational thought because I know that I am unlikely to ever be bullied and if I was, I could probably defend myself to an extent, but I still can't shake the feeling.

 

[Bustn Justin]

I know that me having low self confidence attracts peeps to bully me. Since i don't like myself who else would.

 

[panicsurvivor]

If you are being bullied just CALL THE POLICE! That's a crime like any other, and besides the US have the best police of the world. Just arrest this fuc.kers.

With respect Klaus, are you kidding? If you are being bullied call the police? I hope nobody on here takes this advice. Bullying is not a crime. In America you are allowed to say whatever you want. Bullies are not going to be arrested for what they do. Sure if you actually get assaulted by one you can call the police and they will be arrested. AFTER it is over. If they are harassing you they will be warned, and then do it again. If you call the cops on them again and really make a big deal about it you can try to have a restraining order put on them. You will have to do this through the courts not the police it is a pain in the ass, and it still doesn't always work. Our legal system is a battleground in itself. If you take these bullies to court, they can bring their own lawyers and turn it around on you, in America the one who has the best lawyer wins, PERIOD. The laws basically are set up for you to be victomized and then report it. People who fight back and win are suspect. I was taught by my instructor that if you get into an altercation to flee the scene after you won if possible. And if you didn't or couldn't make sure you get a good lawyer and DON'T SAY ANYTHING UNTIL YOU DO!!! Most bullies do everything they do under the eyes of authority, and when you do things like call the cops or tell the teacher, they will use this against you later. There are only two ways to handle bullies, avoid them, or make it no more fun to bully you. FIGHT BACK!!! I know that this sounds hard to some of you. But once you have made it clear that you will not be bullied 90 percent of the time it will stop. There are some people out there that won't ever stop, which sucks but these people are few. For the most part though, If it is difficult for them, they will stop. Anyway by all means if someone hurts you physically call the cops, that's what they are paid for. But calling the cops is not an answer to bullies. Sorry.::::::::

 

[scoobycrawler]

whips and chains handcuffs stuff like that
bullying can be an enjoyable thing
but yea getting pushed around hurts more than anything

 

[Northern Lad]

Dont be so hard on yourself iv'e been there so your not the fighting type that does not make you a bad person or a weak one in fact just the opportsite it anyone can smash a thing but it takes dedication a patience to build something.

 

[mad2rix]

I wasn't able to stand up for myself and did not have the opportunity of reporting about my enemies at school to the principle or counselor during middle and high school. After several years, I kept having flashbacks of not being able to stand up for myself. I know I should leave the dark past behind and learn from our mistakes, however these things take time.