Does your anxiety cause you to beat up on yourself?

[ryan2022]

I've always struggled with being too hard on myself, and have been diagnosed with moderate anxiety problems.

When I think logically, I know I'm a good husband, decent to all my friends, even strangers. I have a strong family structure, and am close to all my relatives on both sides.

I still beat the heck out of myself, feel inadequate at work, bring up the past, I have trouble even looking at photos of myself sometimes. Its really terrible.

I've been tough on myself for past relationship issues, even the tattoos I got years ago, I feel like the world hates me for. They arent visible when I wear a T shirt, and are well done and pretty tasteful. I just find any reason lately, to hammer the heck out of myself, and its got to stop!!!

Anybody with Anxiety deal with something similar? Anything you find that helps?

 

[32belly]

Hey Ryan,

What you describe is something I've struggled with for a long time myself.

From the outside looking in, it would seem I shouldn't have any issues.
I've always had good friends, have a post graduate education, owned my own business for several years, athletic, likeable, yadda yadda...

Nonetheless, I never think I do or say the right thing. Don't respect my accomplishments but instead can only think of what I should have done better or different.

For a while I sought therapy and my therapist remarked that she'd never counseled anyone who was harder on themselves.

I used to have to write down something I liked about myself each day in an attempt to start to build a basis for self esteem...for a time it might have helped a bit, but like most things I just stopped doing it.

Guess I don't have any remedy for this tendancy and I know it presents a tremendous obstacle in life for me as I'm sure it does for you.

Just thought I'd share my thoughts. You're certainly not alone.

 

[coyote]

Who better to despise than myself?

 

[ryan2022]

Hey Ryan,

What you describe is something I've struggled with for a long time myself.

From the outside looking in, it would seem I shouldn't have any issues.
I've always had good friends, have a post graduate education, owned my own business for several years, athletic, likeable, yadda yadda...

Nonetheless, I never think I do or say the right thing. Don't respect my accomplishments but instead can only think of what I should have done better or different.

For a while I sought therapy and my therapist remarked that she'd never counseled anyone who was harder on themselves.

I used to have to write down something I liked about myself each day in an attempt to start to build a basis for self esteem...for a time it might have helped a bit, but like most things I just stopped doing it.

Guess I don't have any remedy for this tendancy and I know it presents a tremendous obstacle in life for me as I'm sure it does for you.

Just thought I'd share my thoughts. You're certainly not alone.

Thanks for the reply. It does help.

Your in a very similar situation to me. this board is great though, its amazing how much support is out there. Sometimes it feels good to break out of your own head.

Its tough too because, I dont know about you, but family doesnt understand. Even my wife finds it tough to grasp, shes very strong minded. Not stubborn usually, just pretty strong person.

 

[awkwardamanda]

Yeah, I'm constantly getting angry at myself for stupid little things.

 

[Tiercel]

Yes it does.

And I haven't found anything that keeps me from doing it, but I still try not to.

 

[huzzah]

Yep. It's kind of weird, but often I feel like I'm not allowed to think good things about myself, like I don't deserve to have any sense of pride. And then whenever I do anything wrong, I'm obligated to linger on it as a reminder of how horrible a person I am, no matter how petty the mistake was.

 

[BlueDays]

...................

 

[dottie]

yes, i have done many foolish things in the past that i am ashamed of. but the truth is many young people make mistakes because they are naive. that is what young people do! if you learn from your experiences and grow... isn't that what counts? it sounds like you are on the right path now, even if you do feel inadequate. just remember not to compare yourself to other people. everyone has their own path. you are doing the best you can with the hand you were delt, right? isn't that pretty noble? if anyone has a problem with that, clearly they are a sh!tty human being. i hope you feel better, though.

 

[ryan2022]

Yep. It's kind of weird, but often I feel like I'm not allowed to think good things about myself, like I don't deserve to have any sense of pride. And then whenever I do anything wrong, I'm obligated to linger on it as a reminder of how horrible a person I am, no matter how petty the mistake was.

That sounds VERY familiar

thanks for the responses. Its been really hard lately.

To the point of self hatred really, it hurts a lot. Its getting better today though.

 

[Kiwong]

There is no question I have low self esteem. I feel useless most of the time. I get angry and wonder how did this happen to me? Why did my life get like this?

Suprisingly at times of real crisis I have supported myself, by reaching out and seeking help.

I value myself enough to do that.

 

[TimArends]

I have found the books by Dr. Albert Ellis, founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, such as "How To Stubbornly Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable About Anything... Yes Anything!" To be very good. he also co-authored "A New Guide To Rational Living". Also good are books by Dr. David D. Burns, such as "Feeling Good; The New Mood Therapy." However, in all honesty, I still tend to beat up on myself quite frequently. Most of my difficulties are quick negative thoughts that flash into my mind which have to be repeatedly beat down throughout the day.

 

[sleeper]

I like to think that I have everything going good for me as well, but for some reason the past keeps rearing up it's ugly head and keeping me anxious a lot. Maybe building my self confidence and learning social skills will help.

 

[Scared2live]

I do the same thing. I beat myself up so bad, that I don't want anyone to see me. I can be nice to the worst people around, but when it comes to myself I hate myself. Even though my tattoos are sentimental, i ask myself why the hell did I get these, people are just going to think I am trash. Why did i do this? And why did I do that? Why did I let my anxiety get the best of me, and quit my job, why don't I want to go out in public, Why do I feel like a zombie, why am I so ugly, who would want to date me.. etc etc etc....

 

[Feathers]

Yeah, I can relate too...

Sometimes I feel good about myself and everything, and then a few things go wrong or I get triggered (usually by relatives or something I see online or on TV/radio) and whoops!

It's good to observe oneself to see when these thoughts appear and how.. Sometimes it's just being tired, hungry, bad weather or whatever..
It's important to kinda accept this - we can't have 100% days, to just learn to live with it.. (Easier said than done though..)

Tim, thanks for the book recommendations! I'll check'em out! I loved David Burns' The Feeling Good Handbook, so these others should be good too!!
I see some other interesting titles too!
(How to keep people from pushing your buttons? Hmm!)

Scare2live and anyone else with tatoos, just be proud of your tatoos! I don't have any and think it's healthier to not get any, but if you already got'em, flaunt them!! (They can look very sexy and attractive!)

Some jobs are also too horrible not to quit.. So if you already did it, just maybe use it as lessons for the future? (I know that I may have reacted too quickly in some jobs too.. But I'm happy I don't have to work there anymore, lol!!)

 

[drumev]

Sometimes I feel like such a peace of cr@p, that I wish I didn't exist, you know? I feel like just disappearing one day, going to other side of the world (maybe the coast of Chile!), sailing into the ocean, sinking my boat in the middle of nowhere, so no one would ever even find me! It would be just like I never existed. Such a tempting thought

 

[Feathers]

drumey, but wouldn't other things be more tempting to do in Chile, or another end of the wrold??

I do get tempted to just go and live and disappear, and start a completely new life somewhere else...

 

[drumev]

drumey, but wouldn't other things be more tempting to do in Chile, or another end of the wrold??

I do get tempted to just go and live and disappear, and start a completely new life somewhere else...

All by your own? :: Sounds too lonesome. Can I join you?

 

[Feathers]

All by your own? :: Sounds too lonesome. Can I join you?

I don't have the money to get to Chile
And besides, you're a bit too young for me/I'm a bit too old!

I'm pretty sure you can find interesting girls your age - if not here, maybe in Chile??

 

[Ran]

I do this all the time! I have good surroundings in my life; my animals, my friends, my own little place, yadda yadda. I even get on well enough with my mum and little bro which is a bonus. Yet still I feel like I deserve none of it and feel horrid for no discernible reason.

I try not to let it take hold though. If I start feeling that way I find something positive and relaxing to do -- reading, watching clouds, playing a game for 10-15 minutes, or cooing at my goldfish, lol. It always helps to make me feel a little better.