Does people do not have SA know how we feel?

[Adrie35]

I'm having some problems with a friend that i know like few years ago on the internet. We've become really good friends but i'm still having my SA problems and this make our relationship getting worst.

One day i go to find her to join her to an event . At first i thought it was just two of us, but later i realize that she was bringing her friends. As i was there they are talking happily and i was trying so hard to join, but sadly it fails too... i just don't know what to say when meetings new people. And it end up that i was like some transparent existence at there. That makes me feels so bad and hide at a place and cry.

After the event i'm getting back home and my feelings getting worst that i'm not feels like talking to anyone. And after a few days i try to recover my feelings and disappointment in my friend that do not try to help me out because she know my situation too. Then i still try to contact with her and try to act normal as she was my only friend. But i do not expect is that she start to blame me that saying i'm not independent enough to social and i ruin her mood and i'm giving her troubles like that. I feel very dissapointed...

Do you guys have experience like this too? I just wonder do they understand how people with SA problems feel.


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Sorry for my language

 

[recluse]

Hi, i'm really sorry about the way you feel.

I don't think anyone can know how we feel unless they have suffered the same feelings as us. I used to think that my mother's phobia of birds was ridiculous, but i now understand how different phobia affects different people.

 

[Lexmark]

I remember telling so called mental health workers about my SP
and they thought it was a big joke
bunch of arseholes

 

[ventriloone]

They don't because i still think other people's phobias are stupid and mine is every bit as bad if not worse.

 

[ronnierocket]

No, they don't. Which doesn't mean they can't feel empathy. Most people are *******s and know nothing about this illness, but some of them are willing to help.

 

[Ignace]

They don't have a clue.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Perhaps they understand to an extent. "Normal" people feel anxious, insecure and fearful too.

To an extent, yes. But I've been in situations where a "normal" person just cannot comprehend my inability to approach strangers, make smalltalk or do things that normal people take for granted. They can accept that I can't do it, but they can't put themselves in my shoes, because it is a totally alien mindset to them.

 

[ronnierocket]

Perhaps they understand to an extent. "Normal" people feel anxious, insecure and fearful too.

Oh, it's the most annoying part when they try to explain that "I'm in a bad mood too, because my girlfriend left me, so I can feel how depressed you are" or "when I was a newbie in a dormitery, I was pretty scared, so I can imagine how anxious you are." This kind of people simply can't imagine that it is possible to feel worse then they ever did.

 

[lilmutegirl]

I agree with everyone else, that people who have not experienced SA cannot truly understand how it feels.

My mother is an example of this. I have to use the term Social Phobia when talking to her, because she tells me that everyone gets social anxiety from time to time. She also thinks that I should just "suck it up" and do things that I need to do that involve very uncomfortable situations for me.
Unfortunately, I have come to realize that the world doesn't operate in an SA-friendly way. Even if you tell people about it, they may not believe you, or at the very least, won't understand.

Personally, I've been in situations where I'm comfortable around a friend, but when other people are introduced to the situation, it makes me very anxious.

 

[coraline1664]

I have been put on medication in the past for my depression, which actually made me manic. I went the complete opposite way and seemed to binge on my new found outward confidence. I made dozens of 'friends' who I had little in common with and dropped me as soon as I went downhill again and wasn't amusing for them anymore. I would talk to everyone and hated to be alone, so I have been in the other mindset before. I'd seemed to have forgotten what being terrified of people was like, and being social phobic just didn't seem worth it. It isn't, I stick to that but when you feel like that you don't realise it is something largely out of people's control and so agonising. Although feeling confident was nice, I became reckless and couldn't see the consequences of my actions and was still depressed- the medication wasn't doing me any good otherwise so I stopped taking it. And now I'm back to the usual and can't imagine feeling confident ::
I know now that it is easy to imagine a life without SA being a near perfect one (I have felt this many times) but from the experience I described it really isn't, other problems can be just as bad or worse, although not feeling socially anxious was a big plus.

 

[mozart87]

oh no. definetely not.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I know people who have a hard time approaching strangers and sometimes have a difficult time engaging in small talk. These people don't have social anxiety. One friend gets really nervous and shaky when she has to do a presentation at work, but she doesn't have social anxiety.

Well I was really only using those as examples of things that most people tend to be able do fairly naturally. Of course there are many things that SA sufferers have problems with that affect the larger population too.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Fair enough, though, this us and them mentality does get rather old at times. I feel that this sort of mindset is partially responsible for keeping people with SA from progressing. The more we think in terms of us and them, the less we realize that we can be just like them, and that in many ways we are like them. I'm not simply speaking in terms of introverted/extroverted. Perhaps realizing this can help us overcome SA.

I acknowlege that there is a difference between myself and a person without social anxiety, but I don't feel like we're two separate species. My circle of friends don't have any mental health issues and I fit in with them as I fit in with people here. Sometimes I think that some people here are segregating themselves from the "normals". Sure, it's conveniently within the limits of our comfort zone, but don't we want more than this?

What's funny is that I've read how support groups for social anxiety are not at all conducive to rehabiliation. I've seen that this can be true in some cases.

That's a fair point. I agree that a "them and us" attitude probably isn't very productive. It isn't black and white either. SA severity varies from person to person, and someone with very mild SA may not differ much in their behaviour from someone who is just uncomfortable in some social situations.

 

[ronnierocket]

Maybe they're just trying to relate, commiserate. Is that such a bad thing? Who knows...maybe they truly can relate. How can you say that they don't know what you feel, but you seem certain about what they feel? That doesn't seem to be very fair. Give them a break. That is, unless you really enjoy feeling misunderstood.

We want people to understand us. We're hurt because others don't understand, but then when "normal" people say that they do, we're quick to write them off. Some of us even become indignant! How dare they assume they know what it's like to be like us!?

Sure, they may not understand exactly what it's like, but they do feel anxiety and fear to an extent. The difference between our anxiety and their anxiety is the severity and frequency.

According to my experiences, this people can't understand how much SAD can ruin your life and what effect can it take on our minds. They come up with ideas like "go and jog around the city, you'll surely get better", "simply brace yourself up" or "nobody said that life is a piece of cake."
It's much more appealing if a mentally healthy person says: "I don't know how you feel, but I may help you some way if I can."

 

[Inspiration]

People who don't have SAD won't understand how we felt. Most of them choose to ignore us when we try to open up and relate.

 

[guessed]

hey.. sorry you're dealing with this. it's painful when friends don't understand.. and yes you're right.. they really dont understand it. they just don't have a concept of what it's like.

 

[PhillyFlyersGrl]

They could understand but unless you give them examples that they may relate too, they don't seem to try and understand for themsleves. Ive given my fiance' of some examples of when maybe he felt anxious around people or a little phobic and then say, thats how I feel times 5, or 10.
Like a lot of people don't like standing in front of a room of people and talking, giving a speech etc, even people who arent social phobics, you could give that example that that's how you feel in other situations.
Or you can tell them on a scale of 1-10 how bad your SP is in certain situations, where typically their's would be low.
Those are some ways I think you could have someone empathize. There are very few people that are completely fearless aorund others, you don't find too many of those. And even people who say their confident are full of it.

 

[seafolly]

Most people can't relate. I'd argue that even those with an anxiety disorder may not be able to relate to YOU because it's a mish mash of symptoms for each individual. However, the person doesn't have to be afflicted to understand and be sensitive to your needs. I have a few special friends who are as "normal" as can be but they keep it all in mind and never push me harder than I'm capable. Unfortunately I've had to step away from those who don't get it because as you've said, they can be more damaging than beneficial, even if they don't mean to be.

 

[Mr. S]

I'm not exactly sure if I have SA. I can definetly relate to social phobics on a lower level, but I've never, for example, run out of a room, crying because of a presentation...

I agree with everyone else, that people who have not experienced SA cannot truly understand how it feels.

My mother is an example of this. I have to use the term Social Phobia when talking to her, because she tells me that everyone gets social anxiety from time to time. She also thinks that I should just "suck it up" and do things that I need to do that involve very uncomfortable situations for me.
Unfortunately, I have come to realize that the world doesn't operate in an SA-friendly way. Even if you tell people about it, they may not believe you, or at the very least, won't understand.

Personally, I've been in situations where I'm comfortable around a friend, but when other people are introduced to the situation, it makes me very anxious.

Use the term "social anxiety DISORDER". Then maybe they'll take you seriously, even if they don't completely understand.

 

[ronnierocket]

I'm not exactly sure if I have SA. I can definetly relate to social phobics on a lower level, but I've never, for example, run out of a room, crying because of a presentation...



Use the term "social anxiety DISORDER". Then maybe they'll take you seriously, even if they don't completely understand.

Or they keep an even bigger distance from you, because they think a person who has some kind of mental DISORDER is automatically a dangerous madman.
That's why I was dropped out from my last diggings: I had a panic attack at night => the guy next room told the "landlord" that I acted scary => he came and asked what the **** is wrong with me `=> I said that I have anxiety disorder and visit a doctor twice a month => he said this is offensive and I was dropped out