This has bothered me for a while, but only recently was I able to really put my finger on it. I feel like I don't have a creative bone in my body, and (no exaggeration) I've never had an original thought/idea in my life. Even when it comes to my favorite subject (music), I can't create my own stuff. I've always felt that I have some kind of musical genius- I can play any instrument I pick up, I can sightread music (I can read the sheet music and know exactly what it should sound like in my head), transcribe most music that I hear (put on paper what I'm hearing), and analyze the melodic, rhythmic, and chord structures, but when I try to write my own music, the results are horrible.
This isn't just with music, but with any endeavors... I think it's why I learned to hate art in school, I could never come up with any ideas on what to create. I did enjoy coloring- but of course, the picture itself was drawn by someone else. It also translates into anything I learn- I've always done well with academics, but I attribute that to my memory skills. I've always been great at spelling- once I see a word once or twice, I remember it. I got extra credit in eighth grade English class (I was 14) for memorizing "The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe- even 17 years later, I can still visualize the way the 18 stanzas were arranged in the textbook. And I was in the marching band in high school... I never needed to get a lyre to hold my music, I always had it memorized within a few days. I think this is how I've always learned... even with critical thinking or complex problem solving at school, it had to closely match or mirror material I had already worked on.
However, if I'm faced with something that I've never seen before (and isn't similar to anything I've already encountered), I'm a total dunce- not only that, but I completely lose self-confidence and become like a deer in headlights. I could never use the terms "innovative" or "thinks outside the box" to describe myself. I think this is hurting me as far as my employment goes, along with my less than perfect people skills- I feel like mine are actually pretty good (I've worked customer service jobs forever), but I'm not "outgoing," "bubbly," or completely exuding confidence in every situation.
Can anyone else relate? I know it's not just an SA thing, because there are obviously many talented and creative people here. Perhaps I was creative when I was little, and it got stifled to the point of non-existence at an early age due to criticism or whatever... but thinking back, I can't remember any specific incidents that would have done that, and I remember having the inability to come up with my own ideas even in elementary school.
Sorry for the long post, I hope my rambling makes sense. :
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This isn't just with music, but with any endeavors... I think it's why I learned to hate art in school, I could never come up with any ideas on what to create. I did enjoy coloring- but of course, the picture itself was drawn by someone else. It also translates into anything I learn- I've always done well with academics, but I attribute that to my memory skills. I've always been great at spelling- once I see a word once or twice, I remember it. I got extra credit in eighth grade English class (I was 14) for memorizing "The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe- even 17 years later, I can still visualize the way the 18 stanzas were arranged in the textbook. And I was in the marching band in high school... I never needed to get a lyre to hold my music, I always had it memorized within a few days. I think this is how I've always learned... even with critical thinking or complex problem solving at school, it had to closely match or mirror material I had already worked on.
However, if I'm faced with something that I've never seen before (and isn't similar to anything I've already encountered), I'm a total dunce- not only that, but I completely lose self-confidence and become like a deer in headlights. I could never use the terms "innovative" or "thinks outside the box" to describe myself. I think this is hurting me as far as my employment goes, along with my less than perfect people skills- I feel like mine are actually pretty good (I've worked customer service jobs forever), but I'm not "outgoing," "bubbly," or completely exuding confidence in every situation.
Can anyone else relate? I know it's not just an SA thing, because there are obviously many talented and creative people here. Perhaps I was creative when I was little, and it got stifled to the point of non-existence at an early age due to criticism or whatever... but thinking back, I can't remember any specific incidents that would have done that, and I remember having the inability to come up with my own ideas even in elementary school.
Sorry for the long post, I hope my rambling makes sense. :
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