Do you live ina friendly culture

[KiaKaha]

Well I went to the library today and found a book on confidence and social skills.
There was a particular part that intrigued me, he said that to make friends and have people be more comfortable around you, you need to portray WARMTH.

Ok, so thats all good, I can understand that, but what really got me was this...

"Unfortunately most of us hide the warmth inside us, which is a great pity. We are conditioned that way because of our culture. But it is also because we are afraid of rejection. Our attitude is, you show warmth first, then I will show warmth, which ends up nobody showing warmth"

I feel this is a major part of SA (I could be wrong) It feels like, if you try to be friendly, then people dont know how to deal with it, so we just go about our daily lives ignoring one another, keeping people at a distance. Its a catch 22 dont you think? I mean...if people that you interacted with, made you feel welcome, and accepted you, I think that would help SA for most of us.

Anyway...starting to ramble as usual. Where I live, people are this way, Much to my own frustration. But I have heard that there are other places in the world where it is not. Does anyone have any thoughts about this? Are people friendly where you live? If they are I might just move there...

Edit:

For example, There is the hungarian guy that I know, and he is one of the most forthcoming people I have met recently...curious, friendly, but not overbearing, and just a pleasant person to talk to. Maybe in hungary, people are just...nicer...or maybe he is just a friendly guy...I dont know..

 

[Jake123]

People in Miami think they're the last bottle of cocacola in the desert. They suck.
lol I was at the mall the other day without a phone, I had to ask 30 people with cellphones to make a call because they all kept making excuses "I don't have minutes" etc.
Not to mention 99% of people here don't even speak English -.-

 

[IAMN]

I live in a small/moderate sized southern town in the US and people are definitely warm, friendly and very much laid back. I moved here from a large city and I noticed the difference immediately... at first it was very uncomfortable but i grow fond of it especially when sa improves.

 

[Vecis]

Here in Latvia things are difficult because of post soviet thinking. Communists tried to teach people that everyone must be same as others, you cannot be different or non social. You cannot survive here if you are loner. Many people don't know here what Social Phobia is and psychological problems are ignored here. If you are different you are down, nerd, dork or psycho I am exaggerating but thats how it is here. Plus there is a large yet hidden ethnic confrontation between two large national groups that make things worse in here. Latvia is not the best place for people with mental troubles. Sadly.

 

[IGotSeoul]

I imagine showing as little as brief warmth (i.e. greetings) to people you encounter would not have negative result -- as long as there are no expectations of receiving warmth back (i.e. vulnerability).

If you briefly engage somebody with sentiments, you can usually pick up on whether or not they're willing to extend it so (i.e. body language, tone of voice). So being friendly just to be friendly would seem like a good way to both make others days better -- while concurrently finding opportunity to meet and receive mutual warmth, if your opponent is willing.

 

[Dronee]

There is a story of the most courageous, noble and greatest man... It's not his physical strength or his 'macho-ness' (as defined in popular culture) that makes him courageous. It's that he's not afraid to show his warmth and compassion in an honest sincere way and as much as he is rejected, he is twice as determined to spread compassion.

I think it takes courage to be warm in such a cold world especially with the current "screw you **#%&" mentality that's sooo 'cool' in popular culture.

 

[RossMc]

I have traveled to some different cultures. What are the most friendly countries depends on how you define it. Ireland- The older people are more friendly than the younger people. Irish teenagers and people there who are in their 20s struck me as nasty. Belgium- Like most Western Europeans, they are distant and formal toward anyone they don't know well, but they are fun people once you get to know them- What I remember from Belgium is an absurd sense of humor, great pubs, and scruffy but creative dressing. Belgium is a very disfunctional society with a Quebec-style language war between French and Flemish (more or less identical to Dutch) speakers.
The Caribbean- Forget it. The societies are so unequal, that the resentment of the have-nots toward the haves more or less poisons everyday life. Of course the haves, mainly people who receive remittances from their immigrant relatives, or who have retired back home after decades of living in the US, Canada, or Britain, don't help by their arrogance. Also, racism tinges everything. Of course, there is racism against whites, but it is even worse against Indians and Chinese, who also are not the only correct race-the African one. Besides, most white people in the Caribbean are passing through as tourists or expats, so they aren't stuck living there.
French Canada- The younger people are pretty friendly, while the older people can't put aside their resentment toward English speaking people.

 

[Felgen]

I live in a very cliquey culture.

 

[crunch-yogurt]

Here in Ireland people are generally nice but as a country wer kinda bitter, lots of talking behind peoples backs and stuff like that. If someone does something well people kind of have this who do they think they are attitube as if their dickheads for succeding.

 

[arsenalwa]

No, I don't.

 

[Feathers]

I think it depends on microlocation and macrolocation.
And also on the person.

I heard the story when a friendly person went abroad, and wherever he went, people were friendly.
When an annoyed, miserable person who just criticised everyone went to the same cities and countries, people were horrible and mean..
So I think a lot may depend on attitude..
Not sure if this is a true story or not, I think it has a good point. It really got me thinking when I first heard it...

Where I live is a small town, usually people are friendly, I don't seem to really connect with most of them on a deeper level like I did when studying in a bigger city, as we don't seem to have so many common interests or just common projects maybe, most of the time.

Slovenian people can be nice and open to strangers from English-speaking countries or Western Europe, some are not so friendly to people from ex-Yugoslavia or Eastern countries..

People who live in 'warmer' countries, like the Mediterranean, can be more open and sociable (I knew some ex-roommates/flatmates from that part of the country and think it's true too..) so the Coast is different than NorthEast or Central area...

People may also more openly show affection eg in Italy or Spain.. (Some of us can be a bit uncomfortable with too much kissing when strangers are involved though lol - a friend who was to Spain says you get accustomed to it! It's like saying hi there! Here, just for relatives or good friends maybe.)

I heard people can be very friendly in USA, mostly it may be 'superficial friendly' though and it can be difficult to go deeper and find true friends, it might again depend on where you live...

It's great that you are reading books about these things!
I'd recommend Celestine Prophecy perhaps - I really liked it how it says that people you find attractive have a message for you somewhere..

Energy levels are very important too. If you have 'good energy' within yourself and are generally feeling good and you kinda like yourself, are at ease with life etc, and like other people, make sure to notice good things about life, yourself and others (even if it's silently), chances are people will be much more friendly too..

Also, it may be easier to be friendly and get to know people in a totally different country, it's good to visit first - just visiting and living there can be two different things too You can also ask some expats or check expat forums or such..

 

[Richey]

Personally i think it has alot to do with culture and living/work/school environment.

Put it this way, if you take a person at the age of 10 and beam them into 2 dimensions. the first dimension "blake" for instance starts school in a friendly, warm, jokey classroom and makes 5 or so new friends easily and the teachers are not too uptight, they are fun but still teach him a great education he goes home and his parents are relaxed and friendly and warm but still work hard. he is encouraged to take risks and to try sports, hobbies etc.

in the second dimension blake is sent to a run-down school where he is bullied and commences class in an intimidating high-stress class, his teachers are uptight and spend most of their time being miserable and shouting at students to behave, blake has one friend who also takes advantage of him when it suits his friend. Blake starts to understand how unhappy school life can be. He goes home and his parents are also uptight and controlling. they project cynicism and pretention 24/7 with not much balance of humour and warmth partly due to his parents finding their job stressful and being a parent stressful.

so i believe conditioning of warmth, people skills, a sense of humour, friendliness is vital and alot of people growing up are completely deprived of it from all angles, some people are a bit luckier and have 50% miserable moments and 50% happy times ...

if you are lucky then your personality can break down environmental conditioning of your surroundings and especially if you arn't that impressionable.

there is an episode of red dwarf that has rimmer in one dimension " the miserable critic" and ace rimmer in the other dimension "the courageous hero" ..the difference being that he was kept down one year in high school ...

i think it can be that simple for anyone. small opportunities, the high school you sign up to can have momentum swings in how a person can turn out.

It wouldn't surprise me if some random ghostly angel walked up to me some day and told me "remember when you were fifteen and you played the drums for a week but then you stopped" ..."well you were about to become the next keith moon" ....

 

[Dronee]

I saw this on a poster somewhere before... "When we were young, we shape our houses. Then our houses shape us"... Something like that... been about a decade or so, but I found that poster's message striking.

 

[BlackPuma]

Not friendly enough.. I cannot look past the dozens of soulless organizations that supposedly run it. I'm not much of an going-out type person, so the only thing I really get see of the culture is those things.

In that sense, the portion of culture I experience isn't all that friendly.

 

[BlackPuma]

Not friendly enough.. I cannot look past the dozens of soulless organizations that supposedly run it. I'm not much of an going-out type person, so the only thing I really get see of the culture is those things.

In that sense, the portion of culture I experience isn't all that friendly.

 

[Honda]

People are quite stressed out here, its a fast business city and you can see their anger and frustration in their driving manners.. Yet most people are diplomatic and dont like conflict or trouble and usually apologize and thank sometimes on the most absurd of things...

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

No, I do not, but I can't lament that fact. Living among a mainly stoic population has taught me a lot about people and myself.