Do you have an INTENSE fear of being dominated?

[Anubis]

(This more applies to the males of this forum because society views our gender as more "dominant").

Anyway, I was just wondering if any of you share similar feelings? It just seems that whenever I'm in a situation that involves potential dominance over me, I just freeze and start becoming belligerent (although typically in a passive way). It tends to happen more with individuals who are "socially" supposed to be less dominant than me, like children. That's why I dread dealing with kids, at least the rowdy ones.

Overall, it just makes me really defensive and unable to take jokes. For example, if someone jokingly calls me stupid (perhaps just to get me to open up), I can never seem to play with the charade and reciprocate with a joke. Instead I become somewhat serious because I view it as an attempt to dominate me. It especially frustrates me because it doesn't seem that anyone else has any problems going with these jokes, even jokes that seem to be disparaging (even though I know they don't really interpret them as "disparaging").

I don't know, it's hard to explain. I'm currently trying to make sense of it all.

 

[A_Void_Ant]

I've always hated it when someone, after seeing that I did something that might have taken a bit skill to do, says... "You suck!" It's like a way of them trying to overcome me, be it out of jealousy or via their inner desires to crush other's feelings in a subtle, playful way. I know most people who say it don't really mean any harm, but because of my sensitivity I harm myself mentally when I hear it.

There are others phrases like this that bother me when people are just playing. I try not to show that I am bothered though. I guess I kind of smirk on the outside while crying on the inside. I usually tried to avoid all social contact anyways, probably because of all the little interactions like those, amoung many other types, that bring discomfort to me.

Anyways, what you wrote makes perfect sense and congrats to you on getting those thoughts out in words. I have the very same problem but I would not have been able to describe it in words. There are many social problems I have that I can't get out using words.

 

[inspirer]

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[Hellhound]

Yes, yes and yes. I have a fear of others trying to manipulate me, blame me for their failures, dominate me, use my weaknesses against me... Sometimes I get paranoid at everyone else's moves and words because I think they want to manipulate me/control/dominate me. It sucks, because sometimes nothing really happened and I'm distrustful like an idiot. The feelings come and go though, I'm not always like this... but in my worst moments, I get to believe that the world is out to get me.

 

[persona]

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[Anubis]

Yea, I'm still trying to analyze this issue myself. I was stressing the male part of this problem because of the obvious stereotype that men are supposed to be dominant. It seems like there's an extra penalty for us when we don't satisfy that requirement. Whereas with women, like you said, it's "almost" expected. My theory was this lack of expectancy gives women more range to try both sides without much societal repercussion, which makes them more desensitized to the issue of dominance. I thought this would partially explain why my 2 little sisters are extroverted as hell since they can effortlessly play both roles (even jokingly) and not seem really offended.

But yea, that's a sample of n=2, so definitely not conclusive. And my assumptions could all be wrong, lol.

I also didn't mean to degrade the struggle that women also experience with this issue.

(And thanks for the responses, hell, inspirer, and PJS)

 

[Silvox Black]

Well for me, I do not believe I have any fears of this. The only reason for that being because I managed to acclimate to the common social environment somewhat. I am able to recognize when someone is attempting to be better than me or when they are merely cracking a joke. Of course, this is all a luck of the draw though.

 

[A_Void_Ant]

Every time there is interaction with two people there is a battle over dominance. Most people can handle it and end up pretty even in their lives. Some people always are dominant. Worst is for those who end up always submitting.

With genders it's obvious because our species regards females as subhumans and always lesser than men. If you think this discussion doesn't touch women you couldn't be more wrong. Just because our position as the submitting one has been decided for us doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt us.

But other women look down at me as well. It's always either pity or despise. It's sickening and has lead me to the point where I simply consider anyone around me an enemy. In my case it isn't paranoia, I just understand human nature better than probably most. Fact is that everyone is using everyone. Only option for someone like me is to stay away, thus leading to my fear of social situations.

Couldn't have said it better myself. That's one of the reasons I pretty much give up on people. I already know what they are up to so I don't even bother with them. I just stay to myself (as best I can).

Everywhere you go people are trying to "defeat" others in every way you could think of.

I work in a fast food restraunt in the grill area and I can hear the customers on a loud speaker. So many people try to dominate the back-cash employee. It pisses me off. I want to throw hamburgers at them when they come up to the window. People have no respect.

 

[206Raider]

I don't think so, sometimes though I walk around like I'm 30 ft. tall and just ready to fight somebody looking at me the wrong way. I hate that alpha dog shyt and I don't stare people down, so I hate when others do it.

 

[A_Void_Ant]

I don't think so, sometimes though I walk around like I'm 30 ft. tall and just ready to fight somebody looking at me the wrong way. I hate that alpha dog shyt and I don't stare people down, so I hate when others do it.

I wish I could walk like that. When I DO go somewhere, usually with my mom because I'm to scared by myself, I walk with my head down. Ocassionally I'll look up and then sure enough some a$$holes will be doing just what you said to me starring me down trying to dominate me. I guess the a$$holes feel threatened by me because I'm taller than most people. So maybe they think I'm some cool person or something, I don't know but I'm a freak.

 

[206Raider]

I wish I could walk like that. When I DO go somewhere, usually with my mom because I'm to scared by myself, I walk with my head down. Ocassionally I'll look up and then sure enough some a$$holes will be doing just what you said to me starring me down trying to dominate me. I guess the a$$holes feel threatened by me because I'm taller than most people. So maybe they think I'm some cool person or something, I don't know but I'm a freak.

Well I don't do that becuase I'm cocky and confident I just do it becuase I'm the opposite, short and skinny and feel threatened in some places. I would probably get beat down in a fight but if you act like nothing can hurt you then nobody tries anything.

 

[Dronee]

It really depends on who I'm with. With my really REALLY old friends, I can take what seems like outright insults because I'm comfortable and know they're just kidding around. I actually hate talking to most kids, especially the type that tries to be dominant. Not just kids but those younger than me. Some girls are also tomboyish and try to be dominant, but I usually ignore them. Some of the tomboyish but not trying to be dominant, usually end up as my friend. I can get along with most guys my age as well on the surface... but yeah... it often seems like a competition over the smallest thing...

Even for parents... Or most other people really. Everyone trying to stand on tiptoes to 'show up' others. Trying to take advantage of situations and other people.

But some people, a few, are really wonderful. I'm usually very comfortable around these people.

 

[persona]

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