Do you ever think- ''How did i end up this way?''

[recluse]

I often think to myself ''How did i end up this anxious mess?''

I think back to my childhood when i was carefree...Nothing else mattered apart from the worry that Santa Claus would not bring me the toys i wanted at Christmas. I wish i could have the same simplistic attitutude to life now...I notice that other people seem to be relaxed and carefree, but i am always edgy and worried about stuff. My sense of humour feels as if it's been sucked out of me....I am most of the time uptight and i know that inside of me there's an outgoing clown desperate to break out....My own body feels like a prison to my soul....i'm a slave to my own mind. I have to fake a smile and fake a laugh just to fit in but faking is so tiring.

I just don't understand how i ended up the way i am.

 

[Psychedelicious]

Not really, because I've pretty much always been like this, I can't recall ever not having these problems. I just never thought it would get this bad.

 

[sketchy24]

I know how you feel. I'm still trying to find a way out. Someday I'll put it all behind me though and live normally. Someday that clown inside will be free and I'll just see this as a nice humbling, learning experience... hopefully

 

[Videotape]

yes...i think about it everyday

 

[qwerty103]

It's actually pretty simple. We weren't born with Social Phobia. I repeat, we weren't born with Social Phobia. Something in the past made us like this. Another reason is that we chose not to be exposed in the outside world too much. We think too much of the negative outcome and we're afraid to try. It's easy being said than done. I'd like to try too but my subconcious mind is telling me to pull back. We try to think about nothing bad will happen but something bad happened to us before (Even if you don't remember what is it) so we don't buy the positive thinking. Have you ever wondered that?

A long time ago I remember I was really outgoing. Well not really like center of the crowd guy, but I can say that I had confidence. I don't know, I used think differently and not care about others. I even love to laugh and joke around. I wasn't scared until I noticed changes when I was about 13 or 14. I think it's because I was abused as a child and lots of negative things happened to me which lowered my self esteem. You see, having one negative experience wont make you have Social Phobia, it takes a lot of negative experiences (Years?) to learn it.

Right now I listen to this NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) mp3 Social Phobia session. I heard that it's much stronger than the CBT. It's kinda like you're meditating and you need to focus and do what is being said (I need to practice more). I've been listening for it for about two days and it's pretty helpful and it kinda get me in some thinking. I need more time though cuz I know that it takes more than a few days for this to go into my subconcious mind.

EDIT:

I promise I'm not gonna give up. People wake up. Are we gonna let this fear get into our way? Just imagine yourself being 40 years old and still have this fear. No, it's not fair. Life is way too short so why do we have to be like this? We must do something or we'll regret this for the rest of our lives.

I can feel it. I can feel that I'm almost on my way to find the exit. There's no way that I'll be afraid forever. Pretty soon, I know that I'll be the person who I used to be. The person that was originally me. Just a little bit more, and this fear will be eliminated.

 

[sleepysparrow]

Not really, because I've pretty much always been like this, I can't recall ever not having these problems. I just never thought it would get this bad.

Yeah, me too...

 

[qwerty103]

Not really, because I've pretty much always been like this, I can't recall ever not having these problems. I just never thought it would get this bad.

Maybe you and sleepysparrow used to be just shy but it got worse because you both didn't exposed yourselves in the outside world too much? Plus add the negative things/society that happened to both of you. Hmm...

I do know one thing though, although I used to be outgoing, I also was shy in some areas but for the same time, I know that I had confidence.

 

[chris87]

I feel like I shouldn't have SA, because everyone else in my immediate family is pretty normal. I'm so used to it now...

 

[VioletTears]

Not really, because I've pretty much always been like this, I can't recall ever not having these problems. I just never thought it would get this bad.

Yeah, me too...

Me too.

I still obsess over trying to make sense of things, though. I think that I was mostly born this way. At least from what my mom says I was shy and tempermental even as a baby (more so than any of my 3 siblings). Then at the age of 3 I was diagnosed with selective mutism, so I was already way beyond being a bit shy. The anxiety has been with me as long as I can remember... But when the depression hit bad on top of it things just really spiraled.

 

[Dave_McFadden]

How I ended up this way doesn't really puzzle me. I was about 12 or 13 when i figured this out. There was this woman who lived in my dad's apartment complex who always walked around talking to herself, and had no friends. I always stood there thinking, "i'm going to end up just like her". The part that surprises me, is that in the 20+ years since then, I haven't figured out how to dig myself out of it.

 

[Lexmark]

I have no idea why im like this
I used to be a really loud kid then at about 15 this SP shit stuck its teeth in
I dont think we need to know to get better. All that matters is now and this very moment.

 

[bleach]

How I ended up this way doesn't really puzzle me. I was about 12 or 13 when i figured this out. There was this woman who lived in my dad's apartment complex who always walked around talking to herself, and had no friends. I always stood there thinking, "i'm going to end up just like her". The part that surprises me, is that in the 20+ years since then, I haven't figured out how to dig myself out of it.

I was the opposite, always thinking that I would somehow figure out how to change my situation at some point. There were times when I made great progress and life seemed to be improving. Little did I realize that those would be the high points and not a road to something greater. So yes, it does surprise me that I wound up this way.

 

[strawberrybrunette]

Yeah, i always think "how did i end up like this"

When i was very young, i was very social and loved being in the spotlight - i was a proper little attention seeker. I took ballet classes and singing lessons, i auditioned for loads of stuff - nearly every year i was the lead role in my school's christmas play. But when i was about eight years old, things started to go downhill. I went from very social to shy, but only shy. When i went to secondary school, age eleven, i became worse. At thirteen years old, my social anxiety got so bad that i stopped going to school - that was probably my all time low point (hopefully it shall remain my all time low point)

But i don't understand how i went from social to socially anxious in such a short space of time, without any stimulus. Its a question that's prevented me from sleeping many a night.

 

[xtina_fan81]

in relation to what SA has resulted in, im still trying to work out how ive ended up so shit.


as far as having SA, i think mine has just been a case of severe bad luck. since i went to secondary school loads of little things kept happening that made me really embarassed, and im quite sure i didnt happen to everyone or its just like "how you deal with it".
no-one else had things happen to them that happened to me. so bad luck is all i can think. and its still happening now. something will happen to me and people will say "thats just real bad luck". and sometimes its just like..well when is this bad luck going to end, or when am i going to have some good. when things have had an equal chance of going bad or good, its ALWAYS gone bad, and im waiting for the one time itll be a GOOD result.

 

[recluse]

Well i was always shy but i never realized i would get anxiety.