Well I wouldn't be really worried about it. I would make guy friends, because they always accept you for who you are. If anything I would bet I have it much harder than you. As a guy I only 2 friends who I rarely go out with even though I try to reach out to my one friend who doesn't seem to reply to my text messages and a few weeks ago I went to a social gathering game night about 15 minutes from me and had a nice conversation with this guy I met. I got his number if he wanted to hang out sometime, but when I texted him to see if he wanted to hang out, he told me he would try but he was busy. I guess I could try calling him again towards the weekend, but I'm doubting he really want to be my friend even though we had a nice conversation at the game night. Thing is I'll never have any hope with a girl long term in my life, because my day to day life is extremely simple and nothing really ever new happens. I'm introverted so I'm sure I'm hurt more by my personality than what you seem to be letting Once I finish having a first date with someone, there will be nothing much else for me to talk about because I will have used up all the general topics to talk about. I'm sure for you something new actually happens, so I wouldn't really worry about it. Surely you have it harder than me. This girl I'm going out with on Friday will likely grow bored of me after the 3 or 4th date even though I could converse well for the first or second date.
Do you ever feel like people take an instant dislike to you?
- Thread starter WishingICould
- Start date
Well I wouldn't be really worried about it. I would make guy friends, because they always accept you for who you are. If anything I would bet I have it much harder than you. As a guy I only 2 friends who I rarely go out with even though I try to reach out to my one friend who doesn't seem to reply to my text messages and a few weeks ago I went to a social gathering game night about 15 minutes from me and had a nice conversation with this guy I met. I got his number if he wanted to hang out sometime, but when I texted him to see if he wanted to hang out, he told me he would try but he was busy. I guess I could try calling him again towards the weekend, but I'm doubting he really want to be my friend even though we had a nice conversation at the game night. Thing is I'll never have any hope with a girl long term in my life, because my day to day life is extremely simple and nothing really ever new happens. I'm introverted so I'm sure I'm hurt more by my personality than what you seem to be letting Once I finish having a first date with someone, there will be nothing much else for me to talk about because I will have used up all the general topics to talk about. I'm sure for you something new actually happens, so I wouldn't really worry about it. Surely you have it harder than me. This girl I'm going out with on Friday will likely grow bored of me after the 3 or 4th date even though I could converse well for the first or second date.
paintedblue
Well-known member
Yes! this is a big issue for me. I do all the time feel that there's a lot of people who just take an instant dislike of me the moment they see me. Lately i've been trying to apply a new mantra of mine; Don't care what anyone thinks. It helps a bit, but i need more work at it. But why do i feel this way a lot, is it all in my head? My 'theory' at least about myself is that, I have a non-inviting body language or face or something, which I've been unaware of. Something about the way my body projects itself 'communicates' to people "no, do not go near." and so people sense this and try to avoid, which in turn looks to me as though they have taken an instant dislike of me. The thing now would be to find out what it is, what are these cues i give off that make people retreat and how to change them. I wish i had someone who could watch me in a social setting for a while and let me know what they see haha.
FriendlyShadow
Well-known member
Well, I am not surprised I get to see threads like these show up. I fully understand to where you are coming from, but don't make friends just because everyone else does. In fact maybe(if I maybe mistaken) there could be some people who don't have friends and they like it that way. I know it's difficult to accept being the "quiet" labeled person because everyone else makes you feel guilty for it, don't listen to them. You don't need to make friends, and please do not feel ashamed that you can't do it so fast. I can't make friends either for how the people treated me so bad, so my only option is to stay away from them, most human beings are evil to me. I would say to stop worrying in my opinion about making friends with jack a###### and maybe focus on the things you want to do. Get yourself distracted by things or hobbies that will take those people off your minds. Do not ever think you have to fit in social norms either because that's a full of crock. You are unique, you are yourself, and someday you can accept this. That's as far as I can help you if you believe in my words. I hope it gets better for you sweetie.
I think people find it hard to get along with me because I find it hard to hold a conversation so they think i'm not interested but I generally am I just can't hold a proper conversation with people that make me feel nervous. They tend to avoid me because I am so awkward, unless they want a quick 5 sec conversation.I think people find it difficult to talk to people that are shy and quiet cause in their minds the shy one is withdrawn or is not bothered in what they have to say. I don't think its a dislike, I don't think anyone hates you maybe its just their perceptions about your actions....that's just my thoughts as a fellow person who feels the same but I think that person hates me and take it personal but if the role was reversed i'd tend to avoid people who were shy as its so awkward and I hate slience.
Diend
Well-known member
I feel that my loneliness allows me more time to do stuff i want to do. Having a social life can be binding at times when you feel obliged to hang out with your friends when they invite you to hang out. After experiencing both sides of the spectrum, there are pros and cons of being social and alone.
mikebird
Banned
Yep
It's my main hurdle.
Bumping into strangers and old friends, as we have summer coming.
Some show a clear distaste of me in the first 10 seconds
but some show interest and keep up their attention. Some like listening to me. I add main recent events and opinions - all the usual conversation. I wait for them to take their turn. Not long. I have plenty to say. I provide humour, and think of common ground - updating them on mutual friends in other counties.
I get to a dry point when I've had enough and want to go. I wait for the right response, if they want to ask more, or want to go. I'm good either way. A mumbling tramp who wants money or fundraiser in the street have some respect from me. I know when to say 'bye. gotta go' I'm comfy when people want to go. I can handle it, like I used to before. I feel more natural.
It is recruiters who aim to block me out or pester me with phone calls and read out spiel someone's provided for them. Interviews are tough. I scramble through complex thoughts when to detect clearly that people have 'had enough of me' instantly. I am in a flux of feeling a bit more normal. Maybe it's the season.
I do get best temp jobs around spring / summer times when people go on holiday or maternity. Random chats outdoors and plenty novel book reading gets me better prepared for articulation!
It's my main hurdle.
Bumping into strangers and old friends, as we have summer coming.
Some show a clear distaste of me in the first 10 seconds
but some show interest and keep up their attention. Some like listening to me. I add main recent events and opinions - all the usual conversation. I wait for them to take their turn. Not long. I have plenty to say. I provide humour, and think of common ground - updating them on mutual friends in other counties.
I get to a dry point when I've had enough and want to go. I wait for the right response, if they want to ask more, or want to go. I'm good either way. A mumbling tramp who wants money or fundraiser in the street have some respect from me. I know when to say 'bye. gotta go' I'm comfy when people want to go. I can handle it, like I used to before. I feel more natural.
It is recruiters who aim to block me out or pester me with phone calls and read out spiel someone's provided for them. Interviews are tough. I scramble through complex thoughts when to detect clearly that people have 'had enough of me' instantly. I am in a flux of feeling a bit more normal. Maybe it's the season.
I do get best temp jobs around spring / summer times when people go on holiday or maternity. Random chats outdoors and plenty novel book reading gets me better prepared for articulation!
pavnaxtion
Member
Yes definitely. Therapists always tell me it's me rejecting myself through others, but I can't buy that 100% I think it's also the fact that I'm uncomfortable with myself makes people uncomfortable with me and, consequently, avoid interacting with me.
hexagon_sun
Well-known member
I feel that way all the time... You have to learn how to tune it out without completely walling yourself off from the world. There are people who respond positevely. It's a balancing act but its a skill that can be learned. I often feel like I have to "prime myself" before dealing with people each day, imagining the scenarios I will be dealing with people, feeling like I'm walking a tight rope all day long, than I'm exhausted when I come home. Somedays are better than others let me tell you...
cobalt_bluester
Well-known member
Yes, I often feel that people do take an instant dislike to me, particularly colleagues and people I've worked with in the past.
ImNotMyIllness
Well-known member
Wait a minute. Hold on there. <Gives WishingICould a box of tissues> Why don't you meet people from this site? There are people on this forum that are looking to socialize. I am sure they would love to meet you!
Also, meetup.com is popular in the U.S. I don't know if it is active in the U.K but that's another option to meet people. Try this forum first.