Do you ever feel like a child?

[powerfulthoughts]

Adulthood is a myth.

Adulthood is a place where you can function in ways children can't. To bond on a deeper level, to organize, to feel less fear in various aspects of life. To be able to ease others' pain, to manage your life in a way that is successful. Adulthood is pivotal and a necessary place to be. Of course there are many admiral qualities of a child that should be kept. Curiosity, wonder, laughter, etc. But children lack a deeper understanding of life. Michael Jackson was a famous example of not understanding these things.

 

[lurknomore]

This is a major part of social phobia. Not feeling prepared to deal with issues emotionally, because there has been a lack of emotional affirmation and fulfillment growing up as a child. This affects everything from being disorganized, lack of rapport with other people, and excessive fear and lack of personal upkeep. This problem is detailed in a book called "Healing the Unaffirmed" by Conrad Baars. As I read through it, it was basically a summary of what social phobics suffer from. Highly recommend anyone to read it.

I read that book after someone else in another avoidant group that I'm a part of said he was diagnosed with Emotional Deprivation Disorder on top of AvPD, and I wondered what it was all about. But I had no idea that the disorder was linked to, or virtually the same as social anxiety. In fact, a lot of the case studies in the book were people who definitely weren't socially anxious- married with families and friends, but were underdeveloped and unfulfilled in an emotional sense. The only "symptoms" that I identify with are the lack of order and organization, and perhaps an underdeveloped sense of sight- I don't notice details, I'm completely oblivious to things in my environment unless they're specifically pointed out to me- like room decor and what items/colors of clothing people are wearing.

On topic, I definitely feel like a child. Like even if I got over my fear of people, I would still feel inadequate as an "adult" because I don't even know where to begin figuring out how to do things or how to handle multiple responsibilities. Throw more than one thing at me at a time, and I either shut down and don't take care of anything, or spaz out and worry so much that I still don't take care of anything. The result in either case is procrastinating even the most urgent of tasks.

 

[skins]

This is a major part of social phobia. Not feeling prepared to deal with issues emotionally, because there has been a lack of emotional affirmation and fulfillment growing up as a child. This affects everything from being disorganized, lack of rapport with other people, and excessive fear and lack of personal upkeep. This problem is detailed in a book called "Healing the Unaffirmed" by Conrad Baars. As I read through it, it was basically a summary of what social phobics suffer from. Highly recommend anyone to read it.

^this describes its so precisely. thanks for the refference, i will be hunting down this book, the authour obviously knows a thing or two about social phobia.

 

[recluse]

My insecurity and low self esteem make me act childish, i'm always complaining about my problems rather than manin up to them.

 

[Graeme1988]

My insecurity and low self esteem make me act childish, i'm always complaining about my problems rather than manin up to them.

Me too. ::

 

[water4]

Yes Childhood is awesome and the truth is you can go back to the Childhood. An exercise is looking at a photo of yourself when you were a child, in a quiet room and repeating things like "I will never let you down" etc...

 

[Fighter86]

I am a child. Even though I am already an adult. I am prone to outbursts, have childish emotions. I have serious issues getting along with colleagues at work. They all really hate me but I guess the feeling is mutual so I can't complain.

 

[Lexington]

Yes quite often actually.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I am 'grown up' in the sense that I am married, have kids, career, etc. But in reality, I feel no different then i did when I was 16 or 17. Same fears same anxiety, same doubts, same desires, same almost everything. School turned into work, class mates are now co workers, teachers are the bosses. That awesome new bike you worked your ass of for in high school turned into a kids' braces. The interactions are exactly the same, too. Instead of envying some kids new shoes it's the new car, house, etc. Instead of picking on the fat kid we now pick on the fat guy ... etc.

See, nothing really changes as we 'grow up'. We buy bigger toys, shave more often and get fat, but that's about it. I don't even think we pretend we've grown up, I think we only see other people grow up and expect that we should fit that mold sooner or later, too. Thing is, most other people feel the same way and no one ends up fitting that mold.

Brilliant! SO TRUE!

That being said, I think the thread starter was discussing "Adult Responsibilities". I think many of us with SA are well behind the curve when it comes to that. I know I am!

 

[coldhart]

yes indeed, i feel a bit childish, doing childish things.. im 28 years now and im still immature:bigsmile:

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

yes indeed, i feel a bit childish, doing childish things.. im 28 years now and im still immature:bigsmile:

Well, there's nothing wrong with having a child-like spirit! Some people are old souls, I'm a very young one. And, I think it is important to engage in "play". To pursue life with curiosity, to be silly and spontaneous..........Life is wondrous!

 

[BlueDays]

No. When I was a child I could have an emotional breakdown and stop functioning, take time to recover.

I am not allowed to do that know as an adult.:sad:

If a child breaks its leg, it is allowed to rest while it heals.
If an adult breaks their leg they are not allowed to sit while it heals. They have to continue doing what they normally do, only on crutches.

 

[gustavofring]

I think I have fallen behind somewhat in terms of taking care of myself, responsibilities, facing challenges. I am getting better at it though, but my mind is often drifting away to lala land as it did when I was a kid. Somehow there exists a dissonance in me being an adult person who is able to function properly. When I do, it feels very strained and a terrible effort and it tires me easily. This may also be because of some ADD-disorder or some other chemical imbalance.

Life is a pretty serious matter and you must put effort in it to even survive. I think the best thing to do is to realise that we have to do certain things (jobs, paying the bills, maintaining a social life) in order to be able to have a somewhat comfortable life, but trying to be yourself and not taking it all too seriously in the process. It's fine to be silly sometimes.

I think watching thoughts and being fully in the moment and focussed on what I'm doing also helps. Accepting the moment fully and all that, so that I don't strain myself (wanting to be someone else, somewhere else, etc.).

 

[IntheLabyrinth]

It's really comforting to know that I am not the only one who feels like a child. I listen to people not much older than myself talk about the economy, their kids, and other stuff that I either do not have or have no interest in, and it makes me feel like am back in elementary school. It's like Tom Hanks in Big.

 

[jaim38]

I read that book after someone else in another avoidant group that I'm a part of said he was diagnosed with Emotional Deprivation Disorder on top of AvPD, and I wondered what it was all about.

On topic, I definitely feel like a child. Like even if I got over my fear of people, I would still feel inadequate as an "adult" because I don't even know where to begin figuring out how to do things or how to handle multiple responsibilities. Throw more than one thing at me at a time, and I either shut down and don't take care of anything, or spaz out and worry so much that I still don't take care of anything. The result in either case is procrastinating even the most urgent of tasks.

Me too, I think I have emotional deprivation disorder because I can identify with many of the symptoms. Sometimes I act like a child in front of adults and get called 'stupid' for that. I feel like I haven't grown up at all, because I still feel like a teenager.

If a child breaks its leg, it is allowed to rest while it heals.
If an adult breaks their leg they are not allowed to sit while it heals. They have to continue doing what they normally do, only on crutches.

So true! People are more understanding when you make mistakes as a child, but when you're an adult, people expect you to do everything correctly without needing help.

 

[jaim38]

I know I'm making more than 1 post to this thread but I can so identify with it!

Why do people assume that I ever learned how to speak up for myself? or how to make friends? or how to work through my anger and frustration without needing to be held tightly and consoled?

I never had a good role model in my life, growing up, so I didn't learn how to do many of these adult things. If I had a good role model, maybe I wouldn't have to struggle so much. Even now, I still have no one to teach me.

Well, there's nothing wrong with having a child-like spirit! Some people are old souls, I'm a very young one. And, I think it is important to engage in "play". To pursue life with curiosity, to be silly and spontaneous..........Life is wondrous!

I think there's a fine line between having a child-like spirit and acting like a child, though I have no idea where the line is. Some adults can be playful and still come off as mature, but whenever I do that, it backfires on me.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

It's really comforting to know that I am not the only one who feels like a child. I listen to people not much older than myself talk about the economy, their kids, and other stuff that I either do not have or have no interest in, and it makes me feel like am back in elementary school. It's like Tom Hanks in Big.

Hahahahaha! Yeah, I sadly can relate to him too!

 

[Hellhound]

All the time, but it's not a problem to me. I refuse to mentally grow up. Sounds boring.