Do you believe your parents helped develop social anxiety?

[slimjim119]

My parents had nothing to do with me having social phobia. I don't even know why I have it. I was just born with it. I come from a good family and never had any problems in school. I got along with everybody. I was always shy and quieter than most people and it developed into social phobia.

 

[blonderedhead]

HELL YES! I mean part of it is my own doing but they definitely had a strong influence on my anxiety. Almost everyone in my family has a heap of their own dysfunctions and I just don't think it was a great enviornment to be raised in. I mean I believe they are good people at heart they just have major problems. Miss Amy your story is heartbreaking. I want to HUG you too! You are so brave! I grew up half in an abusive household and the other half in a negligent household. I was once attacked by a close friend of the family and once my family found out, it wasn't that big of a deal to them. That was pretty much when my anxiety took a nose dive. But I'll heal someday and I'll be a better person because of it. HELL YEAH I WILL! LOL

 

[Dave_McFadden]

Yeah, they definitely helped. My parents got divorced when I was 12 and I figured out pretty quickly that I couldn't stand up to life's challenges. Try getting two 6-year old parents and two 8-year old grandparents to agree on anything. It became our (I have a younger sister and brother) responsibility to reconcile their schedules if we needed a ride somewhere.
Throw in a second marriage for Dad and you've got another adult who doesn't know how to handle this situation. This was the 80's when divorce was the "in thing" but the family situations it created were relatively unexplored. So none of the adults have any idea how to handle the whole thing, but the kids are expected to come up with the answers. And if we don't get it right, we're rotten and spoiled because we can't figure out how to please 5 adults who refuse to agree on anything except the fact that they refuse to agree on anything.

So, after that kind of family experience growing up, who needs people? I have social something but don't know exactly where it falls between anxiety and phobia. But it doesn't matter anyway because I don't want to have relationships with people anyway. Sometimes I think I do but then I come back to my senses. Maybe a lot of people from divorced families have this experience. I know a lot of people have had it worse, and if they've figured out how to have good relationships with people, good for them.

 

[Cool_Un_Cool]

My mom was the exact same way, I never went anywhere, I'll be honest I think it stunted me socially. Although, it might have been a good thing, because I would have probably humiliated myself anyway.

 

[summer]

No, I have always been shy and quiet and scared of everything i beleive i was born this way. my parents tried hard and did everything they could to encourage me do social activities while i was growing up. I was aloud out to play and over to friends houses and had a perfectly decent, happy, settled, upbringing.

 

[Lea]

I think I have it partly inborn, but still it could have been reversed if my parents were warm and supportive, not the exact opposite.
My cousin from father´s side used to be extremely shy, and look what´s become of him with time. He is a confident young man, both with his sister are doing university. Have partners. Their family is very warm and happy, parents professionals and the children have all luxury they can wish for.
I always used to think it is all my fault that I am like this, but now I see that I am very much a product of my environment.

 

[toothpastekisses]

..................

 

[princess_haru]

My mom was the exact same way, I never went anywhere, I'll be honest I think it stunted me socially.

Yeah, my mum's the same. I hate to say it, but she has no friends and is very distrustful of people. We never went anywhere when I was a kid. The first time I went out for a meal was when I was about 10, to my best friend's birthday meal at a pizza place. All the other kids had done that sort of thing loads but I was totally overwhelmed! We never visited friends or family and we didn't have a car to go anywhere in. I spent 99.9% of my time outside of school with my family or alone. My brother is just as shy and reserved as I am, if not more so. Maybe if we'd been given the chance to pick up some social skills and learn to communicate the way most kids do, things would be different :?

 

[that1guy]

yeah my parents are definetely the catalysts of my SAD but in a different way. They let me go anywhere but they are constantly putting my down because of my grades and past bad decisions. They make me worry all the time because I never know how they are going to react when they see me at home. Plus, when I have recently done something positive, they are like "who cares, big deal", but when I do something that is bad, they are constantly on my ass about it. They yell at me and then punish for something that isnt even that bad. It's like I dont receive fair judgements. They love to jump on ass about the small, bad things.
This causes me to be in a bad mood constantly and makes me not want to talk to anybody.

 

[Argamemnon]

Yes, my parents have always been fairly protective. And my parents are not very social either.

 

[LLawliet]

No,I have been this way as long as I can remember....

 

[Infected_Malignity]

Nope! But it sure does remove all responsibility for my own behavior to pretend like they did. I mean, if they did it, and I can't change myself... then that gives me all the right in the world to keep on wallowing in my sorrow! yay.

 

[Quetzalcoatl]

Yeah, my parents had SO much to do with it. My dad used to beat the crap out of me when I was little, so I grew up always being afraid of generally being around people, and wanting to keep to myself. I was never really sheltered, I ran away alot, but I always had really bad social skills because I kept myself from talking lest I say something to upset my father.

 

[Siren]

Oh yeah definitely.
My parents are both very anti-social, and they have never let me have any friends over to my house in my life. Also, we live in a very rural area, and they made me an only child.
They isolated me from society. They insist that they didn't want me to be this way, and they wanted me to have lots of friends, but it certainly seem like their actions implied the opposite.

 

[celestialrecluse]

in no way do i hold my parents responsible for the way i am! my parents never kept me on a short leash they allowed me my own space, they let me live my own life. they do now blame there selfs for my problems but it's just silly, to me your born this way, just the same as some people are born with blond hair and others with brown hair! it's a card your dealt with, and it's your decision how you want to play it!

gah for the stupid metaphor! lols!

 

[sabbath92002]

My mother recently told me (while laughing) how she shamed me into not using a pacifier. We were in a store and she started telling the cashier that I was a baby because I used a pacifier. She kept repeating this until I was ashamed enough to stop using one. So I definitely think my parents helped cause my social anxiety disorder (SAD).

Also I didn't receive my first pair of glasses until I was 7 or 8, even though I'm legally blind without glasses.

 

[princess_haru]

My mother recently told me (while laughing) how she shamed me into not using a pacifier. We were in a store and she started telling the cashier that I was a baby because I used a pacifier. She kept repeating this until I was ashamed enough to stop using one. So I definitely think my parents helped cause my social anxiety disorder (SAD).

Also I didn't receive my first pair of glasses until I was 7 or 8, even though I'm legally blind without glasses.

I remember my mum threatening to hang my younger brother's stained underwear on the washing line for everyone to see, because she was so exasperated at his slow toilet training. He was probably about 4 at the time - I remember being horrified that our mum could be so cruel! I was a slow potty-trainer too but I can't remember whether she said anything similar to me. Maybe being faced with public humiliation at an early age makes people overly sensitive to other people's criticism?

Oh, and the eyesight thing? I didn't have an eye test till I was 16, when I found out I'm pretty badly short-sighted. I still don't wear glasses now though, partly because every time I try them the clearness and focus of everything freaks me out, lol! I prefer to live in my blurry little world and not be able to see the scary things heading my way... :wink:

 

[Haven]

Yes! I was taught at home by my mother until grade four. This made integrating with the other kids at school a true nightmare. My family was also pretty isolated living out in the country, so I really didn't get any early socialization with other children or people much at all until I was nine years old.

I really wonder how I would have turned out if I had gone to a normal school right from the start. I really wonder who the real me is, hiding somewhere behind the anxiety...

 

[MrDooBee]

Yep. My dad used to slap me around and verbally abuse me quite a bit. I do blame my SA on him. My close friend says that i really went into my shell when my sister developed psychosis though.

 

[villacjs]

Gee there are some tough stories on here. Thank God I come from a fairly happy family situation. Did my parents help develop of SA? Maybe just a bit. My mum and to a lesser extent my dad were over protective of me. At 16-18 I should have been going to parties and the like but their fear of alcohol and its problems made sure I never went to any parties until my friends' 21st birthdays come around.

However, I believe my SA is just genetics with bad luck. The thing that caused my SA was blushing 'at the drop of a hat' my mum also had a blushing problem when she was younger.. I also think I should have been given drugs (SSRIs) back in highschool when my SA was really bad, a real lost opportunity when I look back. Anyhow, at 22 overcoming SA when you have had it for 10 years is going to be tough.