do you allow yourself to feel good?

Obstacle 1

Obstacle 1

Well-known member
I was having a councelling session with my academic councillor the other day and we were discussing motivation and the 'good feelings' of achievement. Basically I told him because I undervalued a lot of my effort and was always short changing myself I lacked that feeling that motivates one to succeed.

And that got me thinking about the destructive effect on life in general if you have that mentality which I am sure relates to low self-esteem.

And I actually thought about times where I specifically denied myself the opportunity to feel good, for example listen to a cd I just bought or share an experience with someone or even to admit I had done something worth being proud of.

Does anyone else do this?
 
kihira

kihira

1
Yes, my therapist told me to treat myself, so now I will do something I enjoy and do it guilt free ~ buy a dvd ~ coffee in a cafe ~ go to a movie
:)
 
SPV

SPV

Well-known member
Not until I reach my goal weight. Being a bit fat seems to be the only main conundrum that prevents me from actually feeling good.
 
vj288

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
Yeah, for some reason I really don't like telling the type of music I listen to. Or if someone offers me food no matter how hungry I am I almost always reject it. Basically any opportunity I get I shoot down because I don't think I deserve it. ::(:
 
Obstacle 1

Obstacle 1

Well-known member
phocas said:
Yes, my therapist told me to treat myself, so now I will do something I enjoy and do it guilt free ~ buy a dvd ~ coffee in a cafe ~ go to a movie
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Guilt free.. now there is a nice concept :D

SPV said:
Not until I reach my goal weight. Being a bit fat seems to be the only main conundrum that prevents me from actually feeling good.
Click to expand...
Good luck with reaching your goal :)

vj288 said:
Yeah, for some reason I really don't like telling the type of music I listen to. Or if someone offers me food no matter how hungry I am I almost always reject it. Basically any opportunity I get I shoot down because I don't think I deserve it.
Click to expand...
I dont know if you have ever thought why you dont deserve it?
Maybe in a way we are trying to motivate ourselves to prioritise the issues we see as important through denial of gratification. We cannot be happy untill we have completed our main goal. But I find it ends up having the opposite effect where I neither fix anything nor feel better. I have my unfinished degree hanging over my head, and many times I have not done something because I have to 'study' yet I don't actually get any done. And then the cycle continues, guilt perpetuates denial of gratification etc.
 
LadyWench

LadyWench

Well-known member
This is a good topic. As soon as I read it, I knew that I was guilty of doing this. I deny myself happiness on a regular basis. I even relate this to my OCD/hypochondria. If I am worrying and obsessing about a certain ailment or illness, and I am finally able to get over it, I won't allow myself to feel better. Rather than feeling relieved that I'm okay and that I was able to overcome the specific fear I was having, I just look for something else to worry about. Or I'll tell myself that the possibility of being ill is still there. Sometimes I hate how powerful our minds can be.
 
BlackPuma

BlackPuma

1
I do enjoy the little things, and it does make me feel good.

But I'm impossibly hard on myself regarding goals I set/projects I work on. When dissected I can identify things to be proud of, but I can't really feel proud of them. I can fake being proud, because nobody likes a perfectionist, and it might discourage others that work on/with the same thing. For their sake I might pat myself on the shoulder..

To me it's more being relatively content with it, but with a compulsive need to redo it, and do it 10 times better that time around. I need to do things perfectly, otherwise I won't take pride in them. Which is never, sadly.
 
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vj288

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
Obstacle 1 said:
I dont know if you have ever thought why you dont deserve it?
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Yes, long and hard about it. At a point I just started feeling an overwhelming amount of guilt and worthlessness, and now I'm the aftermath of those feelings. Why should I get something when someone better can? At a time I thought I was the lowest thing on the planet and taking anything for myself would just be selfish. No hope, no point.
 
Obstacle 1

Obstacle 1

Well-known member
Today I decided to allow myself some happiness :) I went for a trip with my young nieces and my sister down to a park with a playground and went for a long walk with them. I felt positive that I spent some quality time with them which I don't do often enough.

While believing others deserve more than we do isn't the healthiest view maybe if we shift the focus to fulfilling other people’s lives that will take away the guilt and build a positive foundation. Easier said than done I guess, but many times my inaction has been down to my own self-worth and not what positive impact I could have. My nieces deserve to have an uncle who will spend time with them :D
 
Erick1

Erick1

Well-known member
Me when ever soemthing good happens. I also think im dumb for being happy, when soemthing bad will happen later..
D:
 
tweetebird

tweetebird

Well-known member
Hmm, good topic. I think I do allow myself to feel happiness, but I will have to examine this to be sure. I do know that I don't allow myself any accomplishments. Somehow I invalidate them, one way or another. Perfectionist to the core.
 
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