Do people believe you when you say you have SP???

[PlaceboEffect]

Another ad hominem. I'm a 32 year old virgin for God's sake. I have no friends and no social life whatsoever. I'm burried alive. You are still very young and can't possibly understand my situation.

Respectfully, the attitude you are having right now is the only thing keeping you in this status quo.

See, from the day that I've decided that something has to be changed about the fact that I'm a virgin I've dedicated time and energy to my pursuit of conquering my fear of socializing.

Defending your current situation will do you no good. In fact it will only keep you where you are for many many more years to come.

I've had a plan and I've consistently executed it and in one year I've lost my virginity. After that I've got a girlfriend for 6 months and I've had many more random and great interactions with women.

Are you prepared to go out twice or more a week and interact with total strangers? Are you prepared to put yourself out there and experience inhuman amounts of embarrassment and doing it anyway? Are you prepared to do it week after week, month after month until you finally start to see changes in your personality?

Are you willing go through it or is it not worth the struggle?

 

[CPA23]

I believe with SA/SP just like any other fears, you have to face them. That is MUCH easier said than done, but you just have to do it. I haven't told anyone yet about my SA because they will never understand how much this anxiety affects our everyday lives. I am happy to say that since I found out what SA was and I since I have found this website, the anxiety has somewhat lessened. It's a day-to-day process. Some days are good and some days are not so good. You just have to put yourself out there the best you can.

I am 23, a virgin, and I have no "close" friends as I have been shy and have been lacking self-confidence for most of my life. There are a number of things I could point to for lacking self-confidence even though I know that I should be very confident. Life is short guys. Let's work together to beat this anxiety and we can share our success stories instead of our failures!!

 

[Rabindranath]

Well we can all agree, I think, that there's a large range in the way this stuff affects people. Personally, I've been able to have some friends and relationships with my problems. But I know there are others out there with FAR more severe Social Anxiety than mine that is much more debilitating. For some people, it's gotta be worse than cancer. I can easily see that.

 

[Argamemnon]

Well we can all agree, I think, that there's a large range in the way this stuff affects people. Personally, I've been able to have some friends and relationships with my problems. But I know there are others out there with FAR more severe Social Anxiety than mine that is much more debilitating. For some people, it's gotta be worse than cancer. I can easily see that.

Exactly, it's much better to die. But teenagers wouldn't know. I didn't feel this way 5 years ago, but once you're over 30 you realize that life is pointless.

 

[coriander1992]

Well we can all agree, I think, that there's a large range in the way this stuff affects people. Personally, I've been able to have some friends and relationships with my problems. But I know there are others out there with FAR more severe Social Anxiety than mine that is much more debilitating. For some people, it's gotta be worse than cancer. I can easily see that.

Exactly, it's much better to die. But teenagers wouldn't know. I didn't feel this way 5 years ago, but once you're over 30 you realize that life is pointless.

Or maybe you just give up trying.

 

[wooaah]

Are you prepared to go out twice or more a week and interact with total strangers? Are you prepared to put yourself out there and experience inhuman amounts of embarrassment and doing it anyway? Are you prepared to do it week after week, month after month until you finally start to see changes in your personality?

Are you willing go through it or is it not worth the struggle?

i like this response.

 

[Argamemnon]

@PlaceboEffect,

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking. Are you over 30 as well? And have you suffered from severe social anxiety your entire life, like I have?

 

[PlaceboEffect]

Can't you notice what are you doing?

Can't you notice that you are seeking reasons to discard any value you might see up there?

My intention is not to persuade you, my intention is merely to plant a seed in your mind.

Don't you want to imagine right now how much could you change in the next five years if you consistently started taking action from this day on?

I ask myself, what is a real man? Is a man he who stops fighting? Is a man he who admits defeat from people around him? And lastly, is a man he who lets himself to be at mercy of random circumstances?

Never ever forget that there are and were people in worse situations then yours and they've turned their whole life's around and became a totally different person simply because they've decided to do it.

 

[wooaah]

With all due respect Argamemnon in my opinion part of the reason you're on these forums, and part of the reason you're so frustrated is because you ARE fighting, and its tough, but you haven't given up.

Member's of this forum are bright enough to spot a troll easily. And those threads are ignored. The reason people argue here is because we see you making an effort, and respect that.

 

[bleach]

Are you prepared to go out twice or more a week and interact with total strangers? Are you prepared to put yourself out there and experience inhuman amounts of embarrassment and doing it anyway? Are you prepared to do it week after week, month after month until you finally start to see changes in your personality?

No.

 

[Ursula]

Placeboeffect thinks social phobia occurs as a result of thinking too much about our faults, being weak-willed and choosing not to improve ourselves so according to him it's not a genuine 'condition'. My own view is that if Argamemnon experiences such severe emotional pain that he compares it to having cancer there must be a little more to it than that. Loneliness can be just as painful as physical suffering and I don't see why we'd choose to be this way if the solution was as clearcut as P. makes out. Human personality is so endlessly complex and noone is anywhere near to mapping it out or really understanding how it works so it doesn't make sense to come out with such concise solutions to people's pain.

I don't think you have any really valid proof for the efficacy of your ideas except anecdotes about how it worked for you.

 

[Outshined]

I agree with you Ursula. Placebo, you're speaking out of your own relative experience. It's good that things are working out for you, but you can't speak for Argamemnon or anyone else really. I have moderate SA from my brain not being able to produce enough dopamine. It's a biological problem. You can't work off social anxiety any more than you can diabetes. I'm not weak willed AT ALL, and I'll never go around looking for pity. I'm fully aware there's a lot of people in this world far worse off than me.

 

[billy]

if i ever told anybody i had sp they usually dont pay attention in the 9th grade i dropped out of school and got a ged 3 years later. i spent 3 years in the house with only interaction with my family.. i have literally nothing to talk about i am not funny at all. no friends.no job.from my anxiety ive developed a studder when i speak. life seems to be going downhill. i tried speaking with people but it ends up in akward silences so ive given up pretty much. i second sp being a terrible diseae

 

[lunarskye]

Placeboeffect thinks social phobia occurs as a result of thinking too much about our faults, being weak-willed and choosing not to improve ourselves so according to him it's not a genuine 'condition'. My own view is that if Argamemnon experiences such severe emotional pain that he compares it to having cancer there must be a little more to it than that. Loneliness can be just as painful as physical suffering and I don't see why we'd choose to be this way if the solution was as clearcut as P. makes out. Human personality is so endlessly complex and noone is anywhere near to mapping it out or really understanding how it works so it doesn't make sense to come out with such concise solutions to people's pain.

I don't think you have any really valid proof for the efficacy of your ideas except anecdotes about how it worked for you.

I completely agree with you. I understand where Argamemnon is coming from. This is a disease I'd wish on no one. Living in complete isolation and without human contact is one of the worst feelings in the world. Physical pain goes away but the mental angiush of SP/SA does not. If it were so easy to just set goals for youself and do w.e it takes to finish them then there wouldn't be over 100 users on the forum.

 

[Kamen]

I graduated from university after a presentation of my project. But the protocol says students do their presentations in front of the committee and other students. Shit! I repeated the last year so I didn't know all the students that would look at me while explaining. This is hell! So I called the president of the committee and told her: "Look, I have a problem. It is called social phobia and I would have extreme anxiety to the point of freaking out if I should talk in front of so many unknown people. So please, can I enter the room after they leave and talk only in front of the committee?". Thanks God, she believed me and I graduated. Otherwise maybe I wouldn't go to the presentation...

 

[noblame4]

That argument about SAD being like cancer brought on this little train of thought.

SA *IS* kind of like cancer, cancer eats away at your body, SA eats away at your soul. Some people beat cancer (remission) some people dont (death). Some people beat SAD, some people dont (s u i c i d e).

But my motto is "it can ALWAYS get worse." People with cancer are miserable, but it's not as bad as oh say, leprosy. People with SAD are miserable, but it's not as bad as oh say, scitzophrenia (I'm comparing leprosy with scitzophrenia, here.)

So what I'm saying here is, SAD like cancer, sucks. GOD it sucks, and it's scary as hell. But sometimes we get better. The ones to get better, it just MIGHT be us, if we fight like hell. If I had to have something (mental illness-wise) I'm glad I got off with something as light as SAD. It could've been worse. It couldve been something that people dont get better from. I'm willing to fight. I'm willing to fight off thanatos(thanatos=tumor) with every fiber of my being.

I think all of us should fight. All of us should be brave. Especially Argamemnon and the like, because as long as we live, it's not too late.

 

[proudmummy]

I know my mum will just either disagree with me and make me feel stupid for even suggesting it OR she will laugh/make jokes (shes not a nasty woman, she just is a real jokey person over anythin, serious or not!).
Hence never telling her. Shes one of the closest people to me and I still aint told her as I know she'd only go tell everyone (all her sisters, my nan etc). Again she wouldnt do it in a nasty way, she'd just want the family to understand, see if anyone else has it etc.....
Oh actually I tried telling her last year when I was really drunk and my mum was like, "oh your just shy, I'm shy!" and I was like, "no your not, your really outgoing compared". My stepdad then overheard the convo and butted in saying to me, "how can you be shy when you go out wearing short skirts and going clubbing?" I was like where the hell did that come from!? dont think he knows what shyness is!?. Anyway it turned into an argument and that was the last of it.
Grrrrrr.

 

[dyingtolive]

PLACEBO is speaking of his own subjective experiences. Thank you guys for pointing that out. He reminds me of my brother. the thing is WE DO NEED THE SUPPORT of PEOPLE. the support of my family for me is a WHOLE LOT Because i DO NOT have anyone else... im going thru the same thing... i dont know how to say, though i want them to understand why im so difficult. year in and year out, i wish i could tell them, kind of like my way of saying 'SORRY', this is the reason im such a jerk... the reason but i dont mean no disrespect. I wish i were normal. and yes, I hide my sicknesses SO MUCH. of course, so no one will notice. So i guess when i finally try to start hinting... they say, ok dont over complicate ur life... etc... yes, no one wants to believe such things. I dont even want to believe im sick. I keep telling myself im not sick. When i can function im feeling so high, but time and time again... i stop functioning... we can do Normal things... and when we're doing it we think its so normal.. we think we have the power to do it all the time anytime we choose! but the next minute the next hour... we're powerless again. does anyone relate to that?

 

[shack]

read this book, it is EXCELLENT: http://www.love-shy.com/Gilmartin/toc.html

 

[lunarskye]

PLACEBO is speaking of his own subjective experiences. Thank you guys for pointing that out. He reminds me of my brother. the thing is WE DO NEED THE SUPPORT of PEOPLE. the support of my family for me is a WHOLE LOT Because i DO NOT have anyone else... im going thru the same thing... i dont know how to say, though i want them to understand why im so difficult. year in and year out, i wish i could tell them, kind of like my way of saying 'SORRY', this is the reason im such a jerk... the reason but i dont mean no disrespect. I wish i were normal. and yes, I hide my sicknesses SO MUCH. of course, so no one will notice. So i guess when i finally try to start hinting... they say, ok dont over complicate ur life... etc... yes, no one wants to believe such things. I dont even want to believe im sick. I keep telling myself im not sick. When i can function im feeling so high, but time and time again... i stop functioning... we can do Normal things... and when we're doing it we think its so normal.. we think we have the power to do it all the time anytime we choose! but the next minute the next hour... we're powerless again. does anyone relate to that?

I agree with the part about feeling normal when you do certain things. Like when I go out to the movies with my family i feel so brave that although i have SP i did it, however after I get home i get anxious and self analyze the way I behaved. And if something embarassing happened the next time i was invited to go out I would turn them down because i wouldn't want to put myself in that hypothetical embarrassing situation.
I also feel like a jerk to my brothers and a failure. I didn't go to my bros graduation because i didnt want people staring at me. so selfish on my part cuz the day wasnt about me.