Do Any of You Wish That Special Friend Is of the Opposite Sex?

[Interzone]

Hey everyone, I just have a quick question to ask of you guys and also wanted to explain some of my reasoning behind my choice.

Yes. I am a male and I wish that special best friend who would understand everything and always be there for you would be of the opposite sex. No, this is not too be called a girlfriend, at least not yet, I think...

Anyways, I feel that girls are easier to talk to when it comes to complex emotional stuff than guys. I feel like they are better at understanding what you are trying to say when it comes to these kinds of things. It's been my experience that this has always been the case.

So sometimes, I feel conflicted. Because sometimes I want someone to talk to when I'm feeling down. But I'm afraid of saying, I ONLY want to talk to a girl because I think it'll sound creepy and weird. So I have no one to talk to. When in reality, I really only want to talk to a girl about deep emotional stuff because I feel like they would understand better.

Obviously, I am stereotyping somewhat. But it's not without basis, as I said before, it's come from prior personal experience. That's not to say I can't be best friends with a guy either, but it's much harder, I believe, to find a guy friend who truly understands you, rather than a girl friend (not girlfriend) who truly understands you.

Ideas/thoughts/comments?

 

[Feathers]

Well, I'm a girl and I can tell you that girls are different.. some are more 'good' about 'this emotional stuff', and some are not so... Even among my female friends and acquaintances, there are different things I will talk to them about, depending what they are interested in..

Some guys can actually be easier to talk to and more understanding, again depending on who they are and what you talk about..
Some girls prefer male friends to talk about stuff with or go for a cup of tea with or hang out etc. The only trouble that can happen is if one of you would fall in love or long for 'something more' and the other one wouldn't... Otherwise, men-women friendships can be great, so you see what the 'opposite sex' thinks..

I do think it's better if you have several friends and not just one, because it's easier to 'misunderstand' if it's just one person.. And it's also better if you're going through a rough time to have several people you can talk to... (as to not overwhelm just one)

I think you can start by friending girls on the forum that you find you have similar interests with or like talking to etc.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Funny, I do crave a male best friend. (But I am a lesbian. Not that, that makes much difference.) I'm not a girly girl, so this makes sense to me. I feel I would relate a lot more to a guy. Girls are (stereotypical here... sorry) more materialistic, with the makeup..and such. They need a lot more reassurance. At least, those who are trying to fit the classic description of "girl". They have more of a chance of being dependent, as well, because they can get through life clinging onto guys.. Using their looks..Of course, now-a-days, there are many types of females and males, but they are still harder to find than the classic version of these two genders..

I have a friend that only has girl friends, and well, he's a lot more feminine than I (he is straight, btw.) I would say this makes us very different people. He needs to share emotions a lot, needs a lot of cuddling, but I am not good with emotions. I think emotional needs play a huge role in whether you feel closer to females (who have been taught that emotion is ok to share) vs male (who, by society, were taught to be 'tough'). I think that's completely ok, that you're leaning towards females for friendship.

 

[Interzone]

I understand and I know where you are coming from. So I suppose that my assumption was at least somewhat correct then.

But of course, opposite sex best friends bring in all those other possible complications as you mentioned about them liking you more than just a friend, etc.

And I also feel that what you said about guys being raised to be all "tough" and "macho" probably has something to do with trouble finding guys you are able to talk with about emotional stuff. Definitely agree there. It's just, it seems that finding female friends is harder.

Most females instantly think all your trying to do is be their boyfriend rather than consider the possibility of just being friends. I dunno, I just keep finding it so difficult to meet friends that are girls.

 

[punklove]

I can see where your coming from. But I do agree with Feathers. It depends on the person. I personally have more guy friends that I can talk about deep stuff with... most of my girlfriends are too superficial and not yet capable of having a serious conversation.

 

[coyote]

I tend to relate better to women.

My best friends have been women.

The problem is that i end up sleeping with them, marrying them, and messing it all up.

I hate losing my best friend, lover, confidant, and housemate all in one go.

I need a better system.

 

[UnOccupied]

I feel the exact same way. I do have a best friend who is very understanding with my SA, but i still feel like he thinks it's bull****, and he just puts up with it, because he likes me as a person. I try to vent to him sometimes, but i just feel like a girl would be way better for this.

I have actually been searching for a girl to get close with, but not for dating, just for talking in the last few weeks. I've really been focusing on finding a girl like this in the last few days, and i have actually done pretty good. I have gotten a few girls to look at me and smile at me in the past few days. I find when these small things that are good steps in my quest happen, more good things will happen. I am confident i will find a girl who i cant vent to soon. Especially because my SA has been getting better in the past few months, wich makes it even easier.

 

[Interzone]

Yeah exactly, I'm glad some of you understand! It's just crazy hard to even find that girl you can to and just be good friends with. I'm having a really hard time with it, it just seems like my college classes don't offer many opportunities. Outside of my classes, I can't possibly think of any place where I'd meet that person. Here, people just seemed concerned with themselves and have no interest in meeting strangers, especially the girls.

 

[MaliceInWickedland]

I'm a girl and I feel the same too. I try to talk about my SA with my girl friends but no one's ever really grasped exactly how I feel and at this point I don't think I can ever get them to understand. I've always wanted a guy friend who I could share my thoughts and feelings with, but most guys I've observed here in my hometown are either occupied with another girl or just don't give a flying fig. Hell, I just want a guy to love me and understand me for once

 

[Dronee]

I tend to relate better to women.

My best friends have been women.

The problem is that i end up sleeping with them, marrying them, and messing it all up.

I hate losing my best friend, lover, confidant, and housemate all in one go.

I need a better system.

uh.. marrying them? You've married more than once? Very brave. I'm unwilling to even get into casual relationships. Relationships are (to me) very demanding.

 

[Interzone]

At the same time even though I really want a good friend that is a girl that I can confide in and talk to, I'm a bit hesitant. Hesitant about a friendly relationship turning into something more, something she or me may not desire, or something we both may desire but eventually falls apart thereby destroying our initial friendly relationship. It's already difficult to find a good friend in today's world, I'd be afraid to lose the one I acquire.

So, I'm just extremely conflicted right now, I just wish I had the chance to meet with and talk to more girls so that maybe I would feel more comfortable. I just can't find a way to do this though...Even though, well life's just complicated.

 

[coyote]

uh.. marrying them? You've married more than once? Very brave. I'm unwilling to even get into casual relationships. Relationships are (to me) very demanding.

only twice

so far

 

[Illusions]

Funny, I want a close male friend. My closest female friends understand me just fine and we get along really well but... damn, I don't know how to explain it! I oddly feel like I haven't poured enough of my heart out and that a male friend would do the trick. Sigh.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Funny, I want a close male friend. My closest female friends understand me just fine and we get along really well but... damn, I don't know how to explain it, I just want an understanding male friend!

I think I know what you mean, but I can't explain it either!

 

[coyote]

I think I know what you mean, but I can't explain it either!

perfect - i need a female friend who doesn't want to sleep with me

 

[userremoved]

For me it depends on the person. I've met guys who can be confided in and I've met girls who expect guys to be tough all the time and wont want to listen to your problems. My motto is you give a little and see if that person gives back. If you offer a little of yourself and they refuse to open up also then they probably can't be trusted, regardless of their sex.

 

[I'm Not There]

I'm a guy and my best friend happens to be a girl. I've known her for about a year now. She had a crush on me for the first couple of months we hung out. I, however, didn't catch all the "signs" she was emitting at the time and she eventually just told me. By then, she had already lost interest in me, but we've been best friends ever since.

Whenever I'm feeling down (she knows I have SA) she's there to support me. It's just some sort of bond you can't easily have with guys, as they're less likely to understand you.

 

[Buzzard]

Ofcourse. Someone of the same sex will hurt you if you open up. They will use it against you, tell everyone about your problems and ruin your life completly. Allthough I have the same problem with very attractive girls, don't trust them at all.
My only and ofcourse best friend is a girl and it's much easier to open up because I trust her and I could never trust a guy because of past experiences. But as mentioned before after a while other feelings come in to play which causes whole new problems. But I think it's just that natural attraction to the opposite sex that makes it easier to talk and trust eachother while with other guys you constantly have to fight for dominance and are not allowed to show any weakness.

 

[arsenalwa]

Yeah, I kind of do.

 

[Kinetik]

I wish that relationships between the two sexes weren't so complex. I've had quite a few girlfriends but I always find them far from ideal. Things like obligations, jealousy, possessiveness, and lack of freedom in general really inhibit people's ability to have a good time together. I've never really had platonic friends (my AvPD always rises to the occasion) but in a perfect world, I'd have several close, attractive female friends who I could talk to about anything and do everything with, without any complicated emotions involved. I know that's a pretty unattainable fantasy, but a guy can dream, I guess.