WhyAmIAlive
New member
Hello my name is Gabi and I am 23 years old. Let me tell you about myself. I may seem like a very happy, funny person but I have been going through hell these past 10 years.. I come from a very poor place in California and moved to Georgia when I was 13. I left all my friends behind and everyone that I have ever known and loved in california. I started going through severe depression and I really needed someone to talk to but had nobody so my parents thought that by going on pills and therapy and letting them deal with me it would help but it didn't. I started hanging out with the wrong people and I got used A LOT and sexually assaulted over 2 times and then years later I met the love of my life.. Now that I am 23, I have severe depression, my OCD is to the extreme and I have OCD thoughts(horrible bad thoughts), I have suicidal thoughts and many times urges to kill myself, I cut, my anxiety is horrible. From the moment I wake up my anxiety is sky high.. I am a loner, not by choice. I wish I had friends to hang out with, I am dead inside. I am hurting a lot inside, I have so much pain. Me and my bf are falling apart ( we been together for 4 years 
) I tried to keep in touch with my friends from California but nobody wanted to do the same back. I am really close to attempt suicide. I can't get a job because of my anxiety of people. I've tried several jobs and had to quit every time. When I use to be at work I would always feel like hiding. I need help, somebody to talk to at least. I have no goals in life, I feel I am a waste of space and that I should have never been born. I am currently a webcam model because literally that's all I can do, I am at my house and it's me and the computer. I also have insomnia. My dad passed away 3 years ago and I really miss him. Everyone that I ever loved has gone away from me. No one cares about me 100 percent and I wish they did.. I can't go anywhere without my boyfriend. I get afraid to go to a drive thru on my own.. I am always depressed. I've been in and out of therapy for 10 yrs and it really hasn't helped me at all. I stay at the house all day and wait for my bf to come home. Me and him live with my mom and me and her barely speak. I end up making friends with little bugs in the garage or outside my window and then I get sad when one day they disappear. I have a really huge heart. I get so jealous and sad of people especially girls my age who are doing so much better than me. I feel like all I'm good for is sex and 2 adult industries have said they want to work with me but I am very scared of catching any stds BUT this is the only thing I am good at but my bf doesn't want me to do it and I am stuck. To go to sleep I take over 14 pills to knock me out every night. There's so much more but I probably already bored everyone with my book..lol.... I just need someone to talk to .
) I tried to keep in touch with my friends from California but nobody wanted to do the same back. I am really close to attempt suicide. I can't get a job because of my anxiety of people. I've tried several jobs and had to quit every time. When I use to be at work I would always feel like hiding. I need help, somebody to talk to at least. I have no goals in life, I feel I am a waste of space and that I should have never been born. I am currently a webcam model because literally that's all I can do, I am at my house and it's me and the computer. I also have insomnia. My dad passed away 3 years ago and I really miss him. Everyone that I ever loved has gone away from me. No one cares about me 100 percent and I wish they did.. I can't go anywhere without my boyfriend. I get afraid to go to a drive thru on my own.. I am always depressed. I've been in and out of therapy for 10 yrs and it really hasn't helped me at all. I stay at the house all day and wait for my bf to come home. Me and him live with my mom and me and her barely speak. I end up making friends with little bugs in the garage or outside my window and then I get sad when one day they disappear. I have a really huge heart. I get so jealous and sad of people especially girls my age who are doing so much better than me. I feel like all I'm good for is sex and 2 adult industries have said they want to work with me but I am very scared of catching any stds BUT this is the only thing I am good at but my bf doesn't want me to do it and I am stuck. To go to sleep I take over 14 pills to knock me out every night. There's so much more but I probably already bored everyone with my book..lol.... I just need someone to talk to .
