Dealing with negative atmosphere

[mmmm]

I'm battling with a woman at work. She is super aggressive and I have to work with her in a small, isolated space. She will argue with every little thing whether whether she is right or wrong (apparently your pointy fang teeth are called "cannons". I'm reluctant to speak because I know that the result will be a flood of spit bubbles flying towards my face. Now here's the tricky bit. I know I have done nothing wrong in this situation (she's like that with everyone and no-one likes her). But does that really make a difference? I mean, if a rock falls out the sky onto someone's head, it would hurt them whether it fell by itself or someone threw it, right? And it wouldn't be the hurt person's fault. Surely it's the same when I have to sit for hours with someone who is radiating such hostility towards the world. Is there a way I can protect myself from "negative vibes?" I don't want to fight with her and be enemies. I don't think being nice to her will solve anything either, I tried. I just dread going into that room with her. Any advice?

 

[kihira]

Try to understand where she is coming from, why she is like that. She may be very insecure and uses aggression as a cover . Otherwise have fun with it and keep us posted on her trueisms - 'cannon' teeth is hilarious

 

[Aussie_Lad]

Have a read of this:
Using the White Light of Protection

 

[BlackPuma]

Have you tried being purely objective? Talking about nothing else but the things you have to talk about?

She's obviously not such a people person, for whatever reason, so you're probably not going to be friends or friendly acquaintances anytime soon. And the most important thing is that you stay calm when she starts shouting. And if she continues to raise her voice at you while you're being calm and respectful, it's perfectly within reason to demand that same kind of respect from her.

I get that that lady must have had some difficulty in her past as well to cause such behavior, but in no way, shape or form is it okay to lash out that aggressively at someone that doesn't relate to it.

If it presists, isn't there someone you can report it to? I mean, a non-hostile work environment isn't too much to ask for.

 

[CHAKRAPOINT]

Higher Balance Meditation system: High Gaurd,the art art of energy defense

 

[Minty]

Try to practice detachment. You watch movies with villains, right? But they don't bother you? Heck, some are even really lovable even though their actions are atrocious. Well, she's just another villain in a movie and everything she does has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with her. It's HER issue. So you have no right to let her actions upset you.

Try to think of it like that!

I became detached towards my mom because she is a very, very negative person. I no longer take her negativity personally and it has allowed me to love her more, for who she is. Negativity and all.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

You're probably not the only person who has complained about her if she is this hostile. I honestly like everyone's suggestions so far, but I'd probably approach this in a different manner. My approach would be either to only speak to her regarding work-related issues or to ignore her completely. She would get the picture after a while and back off. I'm not one to run to the boss when I have a problem with someone. I have a more direct conflict style, but that's not "appropriate" at work and most people react negatively to direct conflict. So confronting her and asking her to chill the **** out (civily, of course) might not be an option. Perhaps you should take this to your boss and let him or her know that it has become increasingly difficult for you to work around this woman. BTW, I thought our sharp teeth were called canines? That or cuspids?

 

[Minty]

BTW, I thought our sharp teeth were called canines? That or cuspids?

Sounds like this woman misheard canines when someone told her what they're called and thought they said "cannons". Lol.

 

[mmmm]

BTW, I thought our sharp teeth were called canines? That or cuspids?

I thought so too but I was wrong. You are wrong. The English dictionaries are wrong. All English speaking dentists are wrong.


Another anatomy lesson: when you run your finger down the skin of your neck and feel those sinewy line things, that general area is called the "gut." She knows this to be an absolute fact because she often has intuitive feelings originating from the area. For once in my life I actually stood up for myself and asked her whether she meant the "gullet" as I was pretty sure I was getting all my intuitive feelings in my abdomen (like the feeling that was telling me to shut up and let it go). Needless to say, she doesn't think I will make a very good psychic. Gut feelings in my stomach? What kind of deformed freak...


Anyway, I've decided not to complain about her. I know it's really low class to gossip about someone but this chick has helped me start conversations with people. Yes, I realise this is stooping but whatever, I like the attention.

 

[Cynic]

the most important thing is that you stay calm when she starts shouting. And if she continues to raise her voice at you while you're being calm and respectful, it's perfectly within reason to demand that same kind of respect from her.

Hmmm, not too sure about that one. Most people believe they can behave in whatever way they like towards others, but would insist that anyone who does likewise faces eternal damnation. Unfortunately if they have the backing from the right people, then it doesn't matter what is "within reason", as they will always get their way.

My approach would be either to only speak to her regarding work-related issues or to ignore her completely.

Mine too, though I tend to be like that towards anyone in a work or education setting.

I'm not one to run to the boss when I have a problem with someone. I have a more direct conflict style, but that's not "appropriate" at work and most people react negatively to direct conflict.

Well they would after getting a boot in the baws.


Unfortunately, knock one arsehole out, and next thing you got everyone wanting to fight you.

 

[sevenroses]

I guess this is quite an awkward situation. I've worked with a lot of coworkers with this exact same attitude. I think the best way to deal with this situation is not not take what she says personally since she does it to everyone else and not to retaliate and not let her arguments affect you. It might sound weird but I guess you should even pity her because those types of people are usually very insecure and always have to prove themselves right no matter what. People like her are the type of person who might be miserable/unhappy with their life day in and day out and who might have been a victim of abuse. Her acting aggressive and argumentative at work might be used a coping mechanism towards her abuses in life. She might just be insecure. What I do in that situation is try to change topics and get this coworker to ramble on about non-work related stuff. Just treat like the way you want to be treated. I guess you can't loose anything if you treat her nice and keep your cool. If she still acts like that, that's her problem. You're the winner by keeping your cool.

 

[bsebring]

Have a read of this:
Using the White Light of Protection

Interesting take on positive vs. negative energy! I'l defiantly try this in certain situations, especially at work.

 

[agoraphobickatie]

sounds like she has hella issues of her own =/

i feel your pain, i can't stand being around 'downy' people, especially when i don't feel like being in an ill mood, ha... i guess what i try to do most of the time is just stay in my own world.. think my own thoughts and don't let her in. think of music i like and sing it in my head all day, or maybe have some kind of mp3 player on you if at all possible?? lol